16 year old - what do I do

[Moordale]

I'm a mumsnet 'Talk' virgin so please bear with me.

I have a 16 year boy and just need to check things out with other mums (have lost both my mum and sister who use to guide me).

My son can be a delight when out (polite, interesting etc etc) but can't seem to stop lying at home - doesn't seem able to stop himself, his bedroom is like a scene from CSI, found 2 litre bottle of pee in his wardrobe yesterday!!! what's that about ??? There is the usual dirty pots/our things ending up in his room and he has a habit of damaging/breaking things......is this normal? Bit of background, divorced from his father when son was 18 months old, for the last 10 years has had a stepdad)

Bit of a ramble but just don't know how to deal with lying - any advice out there??

[thelunar66]

DS went through that lying stage at about that age too. I just acted very disappointed in him... actually it wasn't an act, I really was very disappointed!

I can only say that he seems to have grown out of now (he is 18).

Teenagers are mucky buggers... mine has piles of dirty cups, old apple stalks, sweet wrappers and, weirdly, matted lumps of hair here and there around his room (I dread to think!).

anyway... I didn't want to let your post go unanswered and perhaps someone will come along with better advice.

Good luck.

[Moordale]

Thanks for your message, its great to know there are others out there - I actually laughed out loud about the matted hair (sorry), it's always easier when they are not you own.

You are right I feel very disappointed and did tell DS that last night. It looks like I've an interesting couple of years ahead of me doesn't it!

Thanks again - I've a feeling I will find this site very useful

[kidsncatsnwine]

Totally normal... teenagers can be GROSS (I have two of each and have to say the girls aren't much better!)

Least it was a bottle of pee... my son turned a 2 litre bottle into a bong (for cannabis)..not one of my better parenting moments... thankfully we have got thro that little hiccup now... I'd HATE to look under his bed too often..it's bad enough going in to scrape up dirty washing when I can't bear it any longer...

We had a very bad couple of years with my son..13-16..lying, stealing from us.. nasty rages. I was sooo worried about him and just didn't know why he was so awful when the others were just normally teenish!

BUT we kept the lines of communication open and made sure he knew we loved him but that his behaviour was unacceptable, and gradually he started to become human again! The turning point for my DS was getting a part time job.. (he's 17.6 now and in 6th form)..responsibility, having his own money and having to save for driving lessons etc (I also made it very clear that if I ever smelled cannabis on him again he wasn't learning in my car... and he wants to drive so it was a powerful motivator)

The last year he has been sooooo much better..just an averagely untidy male rather than someone to worry about.

Hang in there...:)
(mind you, on the pee issue I'd be tempted to present him with a pack of kids pull ups 'as you can't seem to make it to the toilet'.....

[GypsyMoth]

what was his explanation for the bottle?/

all fairly normal stuff i'd say,my dd is 16 and doesnt see dirt/mess like i do!

[hopeless1]

I have a DD who is 14 and constantly lies all the time that it is hard to know when she is telling the truth. Her bedroom resembles the local council tip most of the time. I have to shut the door due to the smell, as soon as she has tidied it up (under protest) the next day it is back to square one. I'me surprised the dishes haven't sprouted legs and walked down stairs yet !!!

It would appear that this is normal for teenagers. Feel the need of winning the lottery and buying a camper van for her to live in.

[bargainmad]

My son lies all the time - we never know where he is or who he is with - he is very secretive. He has been like this since he was 13 - he is now 15.

We can't trust him at all but that goes with lying - there can't be any trust when we don't believe a word he says. He lies about school work and home work. In fact anything.

I used to think he had major problems but I have recently read it is a common teenage trait so I wouldn't worry too much.

I suppose if they are still doing it at 20 plus then they have problems but it is VERY frustrating.

[sorrento56]

God help me. Mine is only 9 and I am forever finding "experiments" in his bedroom and he needs nagging to put his clean clothes away and his dirty ones in the washing basket.

[orange1cat]

I am so glad that I am not alone with my "hormone on legs"!
My 16 year old is lazy, messy, he's lying, he's been stealing from our purses, and once we called an ambulance when he announced he had swallowed a dozen antihistamine pills. I know that he wanted to frighten us because he was scared when the paramedics wanted to cart him off. Our son was always a thin skinned little soul who is now building a protecting facade around himself, making out he's a "cool dude", appears ARROGANT to nth degree - yuck!
Having said all that, I think that this situation is made worse by my husband. He constantly preaches at son, calls him to order, comes down on him like a ton of bricks (especially before the GCSEs). And I feel I have to constantly make "good weather" and negotiate cease fires.
I feel I have to deal with 2! needy teenagers! HELP!

[Moordale]

Thanks all - what a good bunch you all seem. Have read through all the messages and it seems that you all agree it's a teenage thing - love the idea of the 'kids pull ups' (thanks kidsncatsnwine). Dragonfly68 the reason for the bottles was that 2 months ago he went fishing with mates and he was told he couldn't pee in the woods!! so he use the bottle then forgot to get rid of it when he got home.....

I think you have a point orange1cat as I think I felt so down about it all last week because like you had to make 'good weather' with DS's step dad (who it seems never had a messy bedroom, left plates or god forbid dirty clothes on the floor......!)

DS has now cleared room washed all his clothes and as a consequence of me having to smell the bottles to find out if they were in fact filled with peehad two days of hard labour at his godfathers (painting fences..)

Thanks again everyone - will be a regular visitor from now on.