Help!!!
I have two daughters, 21 and 15. The issues I am having are with the 21 year old believe it or not!
She (J) was a normal child, a bit or a madam when she was a teenager and is fast becoming the most selfish 21 year old I know.
J moved out when she was 18 as she was fiercely independent, heartbreaking for me but she lived away from home for 18 months until she lost her job (going in late and not turning up for work) and had to give up the nice little flat she was renting. It was fine at first, i was very conscious of the fact she had previously lived away and was used to her own rules and where possible tried to take this into consideration (I have to set boundaries as my youngest was 13 when J moved back). It was difficult to say the least as J didn't agree with the fact there were still rules she was expected to respect, such as, not having TV on all night when the rest of us have school and work to get for the next morning, not being on the internet all night, as this was running up the bills and J was not in a position to contribute to the bills as she had no income 9I was fine with no contribution but cross with the fact j thought she could have lights, tv, internet etc on all night). She would go out at midnight after getting ready and waking the rest of the house up, come in at silly hours again waking us up. You can probably guess the rest, progressively the situation escalated as J would not respect others in the house, totally flouted the rules, slammed doors in my face when i was trying to reason with her, etc etc. Now, I don't pretend I am mother earth but I truly believe I am a good mom and want only what's is best for my girls. I set some ground rules with J's agreement and said we would trial them in a bid to have a calmer home life, she didn't stick to it for more than two days and it all started again. I felt I was the only one to discipline the children and didn't always have the full support of my husband and J would be delightful when my husband was around and to be honest I think he thought I was exaggerating about her behaviour and how she spoke to me. Over the last few months I have kept a log of what has happened and told my husband about these, he is now supporting me and can see how bad J's attitude is towards me. J has now lost her third job and thinks she can lie in bed all day while we are at work/school, she is lazy, doesn't lift a finger to help, only looks on the internet for jobs and thinks a job will fall at her feet, she is spiteful and vindictive towards me. i know she is now smoking cannabis and is drinking a lot, I have tried to talk to her about this but she won't listen and just says ''oh god mom, what year are you living in'. I am worried she will be found in a heap one day. I love her to bits but cannot go on like this anymore so we have asked her to move out, after we found wine and money missing yesterday - her response was 'she didn't think she needed to ask'. I feel very bad about her moving out, my husband says this is what she needs and although I totally agree I feel rotten about it, she has no job, no money, no prospects at the moment. She is leaving today to go and stay at a friends, she has even deleted me as a friend on Face book, I don?t want to lose my daughter
:(
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Not actually a teenager but a 21 year old, totally unreasonable daughter
11 replies
Joma1 · 25/08/2010 17:47
OP posts:
nottirednow ·
26/08/2010 07:57
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