Taxi service

[follyfoot]

How much driving around of your teenagers do you all do, and do you ever ask them to contribute to the cost?

My 17 year old is - at last - beginning to turn into a fairly reasonable human being but one area of debate is the amount she wants to be driven places. She's working extra days at her normal weekend job over the summer hols to earn some spending money and we're expected to drive here there and back (around 50 miles a week).

She's gone off to a festival which involved taking her to a friend to drop stuff off, bringing her back then taking her to the train station a bit later. She's rung me now to ask me to collect her from a town 25 miles away tomorrow to save her the last part of her rail journey home. I said no, she could get the train the rest of the way home and I'd pick her up from the local train station. She wasnt happy. At all. Add to that all the social events she wants taking to, the friends who need dropping off because 'their Mums cant come to collect them' etc and I feel permanently on call.

How much driving around is reasonable, and do you ever ask for a contribution?

PS should add that we are very pleased she has a job and wants to work of course.

[usualsuspect]

We tend to pick up our 17 year old ds if its late at night and hes asked beforehand or if its not easy to get the bus somewhere..but would not give him lifts to college,friends houses etc

[mumeeee]

DD3 is 18. DH is the taxi driver as I don't drive. He will pick up if she is coming home late at night from anywhere,including friends houses. He will drop her off if it is difficult to get a bus and has occansionly been known to drop her at a friends house. But she usually gets the bus or walks to places.

[scurryfunge]

We luckily live in a very small town where everywhere is a 15 minute walk maximum.

DS cycles most places but will occasionally ask for lifts.

If he goes into the bigger towns he will get the train or bus and we rarely give lifts unless it is somewhere without a bus route.

[Ineed2]

Ha my favourite subject, my dd2 thinks I was put on this earth to ferry her and her mates from A to B. She is always voluteering me to be the taxi and is even worse now we have a 7 seater, she invites half the street. LOL.
Luckily I have been along this road befre as I already have Dd1 [21]. I have learnt to say no and all the Mums and some of the Dads chip in, so between us it probably balances out. Don't be afraid to tell your Dd to ask someone else who is going the same way to help out. Lots of parents are glad to be involved in lift sharing.

[DandyDan]

I think while your children are still dependent on you and have no means of transport of their own, it's unfair to make them stump up for petrol costs and also unfair to not take them where they might need to be. Obviously they should use buses where possible and be organised enough to do this and have a bus pass etc, but three of mine need taking to their jobs at least three or four times a week during this holiday period. All in different directions, some half-hour journeys. Were they working full-time and not in education, I would ask for petrol money but not presently. Also I have always said if they are out at parties/friends/etc and can't get back and want to come home, to just phone. I'd rather they were safely transported home than me waiting awake for someone else to do the job and worrying what time they'll get back.

[usualsuspect]

DandyDan I'm sure my poor ds is quite capable of getting a bus for a half hour journey in fact his journey to college takes him half an hour on the bus then a 20 minute walk ...

[DandyDan]

Oh yes, I agree, if there is a bus available which delivers your son approximately at the right time and distance, fair enough.

My kids can't get buses to where they work - too rural, and early morning and late nights - and sometimes the buses from the nearest town mean a wait of two hours and a 45 min journey if the timings don't work out, so it's better that I pick them up in those situations. With friends cadging lifts, I'd rather be the mate's mother they remember giving them lifts when they were teens and needed it. So far though the lift-offering hasn't been abused.

Not that I'm pleased at the thought of having to deliver Son#1 to the Leeds Festival sometime on Thurs if tonight he can't arrange a lift with a mate: nightmare traffic jams two years ago meant I dropped him off five miles from the venue and he hiked the rest.

[Chatelaine]

I hope she has a YP railcard. Positively encourage her to be proud of understanding and using public transport frequently, there is loads of information out there, it will hopefully help her in deciding where she can travel to and from independently of you.

[violethill]

I agree with nottired. A lot of it depends on where you, as parents, have chosen to live.

If we lived very rurally, then I would accept that part of the deal is ferrying the kids around. Rural areas can be very isolating for teens, with friends miles away in different villages, and sat jobs hard to come by.

We live where the kids can use buses easily so it's not too much of a problem. The other thing worth looking at is how much a taxi would actually cost for those late night pick ups, or one off trips. When you factor in petrol and time, it can sometimes be worthwhile to just book a taxi instead.

[DandyDan]

Sometimes financially that might be better, but one of the benefits of ferrying them around myself is that it is a chance to chat in a non-threatening environment: no eye-contact means it's easier. Kids and I have some brilliant in-depth conversations on our journeys to and fro. Also taking son to and from his very rural job, we see all kinds of great wildlife on the road - owls, stoats, deer, hares - so the other sibs accompany me sometimes to wildlife-spot and that's fun too.

[MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry]

My teens are fairly self-sufficient and know their way around trains, buses and have their bikes.

I will offer to drive them places when I feel that it will be so much easier for them, or because it is very late with a potential long walk to the nearest station.

With my 18yo, I would say that he drives us as much as we drive him :). It is great to have a child with a driving license.

[rose1927]

We have always ferried ours around upon request we just see it as a fact of life ...

[LaineyW]

We try to share lifts with other parents if at all possible for our younger DD (15). Our 17-year-old DD's lifts are mainly to her boyfriend's house; he lives about five miles away and not on a bus route so there have been countless journeys to his house to drop her off then pick her up again.

I agree that we wouldn't ask for petrol costs whilst they're in full-time education but DD1 is very grateful and always offers to help around the house. And we make her understand that sometimes it is a blasted inconvenience to drive her there and back.

She has her driving test in a few weeks so please God she passes. She can then pick up DD2 from her boyfriend's house instead!

[mumblechum]

I do a lot of driving around but see that as the price that dh and I pay to live in the country with absolutely no public transport.

If I really can't be arsed I tell him to call a taxi and help himself to the taxi jar when he gets in, but that's £12 a go so I don't do it that much in the evenings.

On Sat mornings at 7am he gets a taxi to the river for rowing. I don't do 7am on Saturdays and the money is worth it!

[Mum2Luke]

I used to do too much running around and then discovered the Stagecoach monthly megarider - £40 and fantastic value when your 17 yr old daughter has friends the other side of Manchester and its a 10 mile round trip in a car.

I do drop her off on the odd occasion at the bus stop (as its 1/2 mile from where we live) if I am going that way anyway.

I cannot afford to let her learn to drive with insurance being so high in our area of manchester, if she gets a job to help pay for it then by all means.

That goes for her big brother who is at Uni, he gets himself about and cycles to work while he is on holiday.

[LollipopViolet]

I can't drive for medical reasons. I still live at home, so this is how it works in our house.

I can always have a lift to uni in the mornings as it's rush hour and I'd need to catch 2 buses to get there which would be super stressful.

If I finish lectures before 5 I'll often get home myself as the buses are quieter. However, after 5, I can have a lift each day because my eyesight is the reason I don't drive and it gets dark early.

In the holidays I either get buses OR if I'm going out with my friend who is a wheelchair user, my granddad and her mum tend to share the job of giving us lifts, one does one half of the journey, the other picks up etc.

I have a railcard and get trains etc when I need to. Did a commute from home to Manchester for 2 weeks last month with no issue.

[mamas12]

Am I the only one here who gets messed around with arrangements for picking up?

I know giving lifts is a fact of life especially in a rural place and here the parents are really good at sharing the load, but! This weekend was the last straw as far as I'm concerned so I have now told dcs 16 and 14 that if I don't talk to another adult then it's not happening.
Of course I am 'being ridiculous!' but Im standing my ground.