First mobile phone for DS - what 'rules' should I make?

[fluffyhamster]

DS1 is nearly 11. We said he could have a mobile in Year 6, as he will be walking to school and starting to go out on his own with friends a bit more.
I want to get him gradually ready for the much greater independence he will have when he starts senior school in a year.

DH & I agreed that we need to 'start as we mean to go on' in terms of rules, so i thought I'd ask the collective wisdom of MN for your tips and advice about mobile phone rules/responsibility etc

So, e.g.

• who pays PAYG cost - out of pocket ,money, or earned etc?
  
• When is mobile usage allowed e.g. home/weekends
  
• 'rules' about texting vs. calling parents (e.g. I find texting is often used by kids as a means of avoiding difficult situations - or for lies!)
  
• rules such as ignore phones if with the family at a meal/ no texting at the table etc?
  

I'd love to hear your suggestions. It seems better to get the rules laid down at the start, rather than making them up as we go along...

[fluffyhamster]

Thanks - those sound quite sensible! I just hate seeing kids on their mobiles all the time - disengaged with the rest of the family...

What about agreements about when to phone/text etc

I was thinking

• if you are going to be late/ not going to be where you said you were/ going to a friends house
  
• if you are bringing friends home
  

Anything else?

[fluffyhamster]

Hmm - DS1 started trying to invite friends over as he came out of school at the end of last term... didn't seem to occur to him that it might not be convenient for me/his younger brother!

DS is a bit scatty/mad professor-ish and I have a feeling he will not 'get' any of the social norms around mobile phone usage unless we spell them out for him!

[LollipopViolet]

A big one, make sure they don't buy any of those ringtones/pictures advertised on the telly. I learnt this the hard way at 13 (am 20 now) that they keep sending you update messages and they charge about £3 a text.

My mum always kept a check on my credit and was very surprised as it was dropping very quickly and i was always good about using it wisely. It didn't take us long to figure it out and unsubscribe.

[ange8]

Have him give the phone to you when he goes to bed. I had to introduce that rule when my kids were older and they were texting mates all night, and it didn't go down well then!

[basildonbond]

be very clear that you will not let him enter into a game of phone one-up-manship - I nearly fell over when I was asked recently by a child just about to go into year 6 what I thought about the iphone and should he get one

ds1's school has a strict policy of only PAYG phones worth less than £60 and they MUST be turned off during school hours (they get their phones confiscated if caught using them at other times) - expensive phones just make them a target for muggers, especially if they're only y6

ds1 gets £5 a month credit and if he goes over that he has to pay for the extra out of his pocket money


oh, and make sure that you have a rule that if he's out the phone must be turned on and answered

[DogDays]

DS is 11 and has a mobile phone. He is on Orange (same as us) and that gives him 300 free texts a month. So the deal is, I give him no more than £10 a month for top ups, if he runs out of credit within the month, he has to top it up out of his own money.

Other rules are

1. Don't faff with it in public
   
2. Don't give your number out to everyone
   
3. don't lend it to anyone.
   

After that, I don't think its a big deal.

[inthesticks]

I have one other rule not mentioned yet and that is
Never run out of credit. They must keep a minimum of £2 for emergencies.

[PowderMum]

Never really felt the need to issue rules to my girls.
They have had phones since Yr5 and now both have decent phones as they are at secondary school.
We pay around £10 a month to Tesco which gives them enough texts and messages for sensible use. They have never exceeded this.
They charge it when they like and have it with them at all times, I know that DD1 texts her friend late at night regularly.
They both know that if they lose or break it then they will have to have one of the 'nice' old models from the kitchen drawer until I decide it is time for a new phone.
I have my phone with me at all times so I guess they just follow my pattern of use.

[dexter73]

My dd has a contract for her phone. She gets unlimited texts and 600 mins a month which costs £10. She has to check online to make sure she doesn't go over this or else she pays the extra. It is up to her to charge up and look after her phone.
I don't mind if she texts me rather than calls. She is very good at letting me know where she is and when she is coming home.

[Talker2010]

We had a contract that does not allow daughter to go outside her free calls and texts ... T mobile

[tinkgirl]

working with kids who are a few yrs older - 15/16 yrs, alot of their parents have trouble with them going to sleep etc because they are on the phone instead - whatever you do, DO NOT allow the phone into the bedroom, charge it downstairs. Bullying by text is rife in high schools so make sure that he knows that you will check it on a regular basis.

[exexpat]

One rule I wish I had given DS when he was 11 is 'don't keep your phone in the main compartment of your school backpack where your water bottle is.' Bottle leaked, phone bought as birthday present two weeks earlier was ruined (tried all the drying out with rice etc but it was too far gone). He is now 12 and current phone has lasted over a year despite very heavy use. And yes, I agree that they usually go crazy with it in the first week or so and use up all their credit - good way to learn their lesson....