suicide teenagers

[dragon4]

I have just tried to post a messge about our daughter's (almost 17) previous 2 suicude attempts and her recent move out of the family home to live with a friend who is gay. The message went on for hours and then some kind of pop up happened.....

To save me typing it all again is there anybody out there who has had a similar situation?

Brief family synopsis:
Dad 48 married for 18yrs
Mum 45 " " "
brother 11
brother 10
brother 7

Dad an accountant - not boring tho'
Mum stay at home " " " - althougn used to have a career in accountancy

If anyone could offer any advice or even moral support I would be so grateful

[expatinscotland]

Is she getting help? Has she been assessed by a psychiatrist for mental illnesses/treatment? Assessed for any medical condition that may be causing this?

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

You must be in knots.

[mumblechum]

Dragon, so sorry you're going through this. Presumably there was a lot of conflict in the home for her to have voted with her feet?

After the first attempt, assuming she was hospitalised, did she see a psychiatrist?

She's only 16, therefore I think she'd still come under the Children and Adolescent Mental Health team. Would she go to the GP with you to get a referral? Is she still very unhappy now, do you think, or was the move out to her friend's perhaps helpful?

Sorry if I'm blundering here, difficult to suggest help without more info.

[BollockBrain]

I disagree that there would necessarily have to be a lot of conflict within the family home in order for her to have voted with her feet.

If she has mental health issues, it does not mean that the cause was her home life. Far from it.

OP - I am so sorry you are going through this. But as mumble says, is there some support network for her?

[BollockBrain]

oh and is the friend male or female who she has gone to live with?

[dragon4]

Thanks so much for getting back to me. This is becoming my therapy.
To answer the questions her gay friend is female and I believe tht they are having a relationship due to seeing a text from this friend/partner. Whilst I am a little taken aback as she has always been so girlie and well into boys before now I am not against this at all. DH isn't either. We are keeping it from the boys as son 1 starts secondary school in a deprived area and we worry about bullying.
DD has never said that she is gay.
There is absolutely not conflict in the family house and DD has had the majority of attention since her second suicide attempt.
She attended CAMHS after both attempts as did we. The second time was with a fantastic psychiatrist and both DH and I underwent some intense soul searching.Three months later she was discharged as showing no signs of mental illness.
I am now waiting for a social worker to see me first and then follow my concerns up with DD.
This situation all started becaue we basically caught her out drinking in a night club and let her know we do not want that behaviour. Yes we both did this when we were 16 but times were different then and we have the boys to think about.

[mumblechum]

It's great that she's had some support and that CAMHS are happy to discharge her.

So, is your concern about what would happen if she went downhill in the future, and how to support her if that happens?

[dragon4]

Absolutely that but have just seen the Social worker and she will act as an advisor to DD. She has all the helplines available and has also spoken to DD's doctor at CAMHS who she will have open access to until she is 18.
Suppose I just need to sit back and wait and hope for the best!!

[BollockBrain]

dragon - the issues she may have, could well have been due to the fact that she is gay. It is a battle for a young person to accept this and want their family to accept it too. I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if this was the root of the issue.

With a loving and supportive family as it sounds like she has, this may well be the end of her problems.

If somehow she could talk to you about this, it would be an enormous sense of relief for her.

[MadreInglese]

oh dragon how awful for you all

if you and your daughter have a wait before you can get some further help/advice please consider calling the samaritans for some support (as well as posting on here of course)

[Punkatheart]

What a wonderful mother you sound. Yes, she is a troubled girl at present, struggling with her sexuality and the world around her. But you have done everything and are doing everything. Just be there, keep in touch and keep all lines of communication open.

She is young and she will come out of this. I am so very sorry that you have such stress and worry to bear. Samaritans can also be reached by email..sometimes writing things down can be cathartic.

Keep us all informed if you can and talk whenever you need. Glad it helps...there are some wise and well-informed souls on here..

[noteventhebestdrummer]

You sound like you are doing really well in supporting her...do you get to see her much?

Our DS (17) has moved out after problems with drugs and although sometimes it is really painful we make sure we see him often for coffee/food shopping/chats. It keeps the door open and he has started texting me out of the blue again which is good I think...

[dragon4]

Just a quick update to all. Firstly thanks so much for the much needed support and kind words. It helped me so much.
We are now back in contact and DD came around to the house for a couple of hours during the week. She is indeed struggling with her sexuality and states that she is only gay with this one particular woman.
We have done the concerned parent routine and let her know that there is always room for her here and that despite poor AS results we would support her through A levels.
She seems to be having a ball being away from home, party after party etc. Who wouldn't at that age?
Time to step back and let her make her own mistakes methinks!