When did your ds have his first girlfriend?

[trubloffthemouse]

DS is almost 16, and has never had a girlfriend. So far as I know, he hasn't asked anyone out. He hangs out in quite a big group at school and sometimes out of school in which about half are boys, half girls, so has lots of contact.

He's getting a bit annoyed recently that two of his "friends" are taking the piss out of him for never having a girlfriend. He gets on well with a lot of girls but whether he's scared of rejection, or just doesn't like any of them enough to ask them out, I don't know. He's starting to feel a bit bad that often his friends are seeing their girlfriends, leaving him hanging around alone.

At what age did your boys start going out with girls? DH didn't have a girlfriend till Freshers week (and stayed with her for 6 years), so no dating tips there, I susupect!

[seenyertoeslately]

I don't think not having a girlfriend at 15 is anything unusual! I bet most of the boys in his class don't- it's just unlucky for him that his close friends are seeing someone. Maybe fear of rejection, maybe he doesn't like anyone he knows enough to invest all that time, maybe he doesn't like to be in the public eye (always a problem when you go out with someone from school).

DS1 started a 2 year relationship with a girl he met at a concert when he was around 15 or 16. DS2 didn't seem to have a boyfriend until he started college at 18.

[mummyflood]

DS1, 16.5 - had his first 'girlfriend' approx 4 months ago, I think they both just wanted to be able to say they were 'in a relationship', IYSWIM, and like yours OP, I think his mates, most of whom are attached, were/are taking the mickey a bit. Lasted 3 weeks, was a nightmare for various reasons.

Has had a second girlfriend on and off, currently off, for the last month. Basically he hasn't got a clue - has no idea how to communicate with her, or spend any time with her - far too busy with his mates (of both sexes) and his interests. She has pointed all this out to him, and I agree with her frankly. He just isn't ready.

DS2, 14.5, is watching all this with interest but thankfully is not bothered at all as yet.

[Chatelaine]

The worse thing for him to do imo is to take up with some girl just because he feels he ought to be engaging in that scene. If he is busy otherwise, good for him. Don't refer to it. Is he confiding in you that it is a problem? Could be he is more discriminating than his friends and has views about casual relationships. This is not unusual, especially if he is interested in philosophy etc? Do not worry over it, he is so young!

[eatyourveg]

ds1 is 16.7 and not had a girlfriend. I was rather relieved to read your post. Most (over 75%) of his friends have or have had girlfriends and I thought maybe at the school leaving parties he might hook up with someone but twas not to be.

Doesn't appear to be worried about it but I do wonder if the longer he leaves it, the bigger deal it will become because he acknowledges that he wouldn;t know how to ask a girl out even if he wanted to.

I didn't have a boyfriend until the 6th form so maybe come september ds1 and your ds will ask someone out

[MaineGirl]

ds1 was 13 in july and has just 'got' his first girlfriend, cue endless grief over her mooning aorund outside our house, texting him constantly and threatneing to dump him if he says no to her, but for ds he won;t say no as most of his friends have gf's and he wants to be like them to. Still wondering how i raised such a sheep!

[Remotew]

I have a girl but thought I would post as she has gone on a few dates with a boy just after she turned 16. Her bf has just had his 16th birthday and I reckon she is his first as he is hers. He's very shy and afaik it's all quite innocent and respectful. DD on the other hand is getting a bit fed up with him being so quiet, her having to make conversation etc and I don't think he is ready whereas she needs someone that is. They have done the status update together aswell. Oh dear!

It's best if they do things in their own time rather than come under peer pressure but it's easier said than done at this age.

[trubloffthemouse]

Chatelaine it's interesting that you asked about philosophy, etc. We had a convo yesterday as I was concerned that he seems really grumpy at the moment and he confided that he doesn't feel close to any of his friends any more as he thinks they're mostly "sheep", ie when a question's asked in class to which they're supposed to vote, they'll look round to see how everyone else is voting before deciding when to put their hand up. He says his two closest friends now don't seem to think for themselves. He likes a good debate about meaty topics, & he described them as being like frappucinos! Bit of teenage isolationist angst is beginning to come through at the moment.

All I could really say was that he should carry on being himself, not conform for the sake of it, but at the same time sometimes ppl don't want a deep political discussion, they just want to have a laugh. He is good fun as well, and is going to a party on Fri when no doubt he'll be as pissed and silly as the rest of them

Sorry this is getting long!

He is very busy most of the time, trains for a sport 5 times a week and is doing very well in most subjects at school.

I do worry about him sometimes though.

[Chatelaine]

He sounds a fine young man! If he is admitting he finds his present friends a bit shallow then that means he is looking to transcend this stage. They will all be moving on in different directions soon anyway so he should have more scope to meet likeminded friends of his own age. If he is busy with sports and clubs chances are he finds that fulfilling enough at this stage. Lucky you! make the most of it.

[optimisticmumma]

My DS was in Year 10 (summer). He was/is very unusual as he has had the same GF ever since and is now in Year 12. Most of his friends haven't had a proper GF. By that I mean there seems to be a middle step of 'seeing each other' which according to my 3 teenagers is not going out exclusively!!

I really, really wouldn't worry about your DS, he sounds lovely and is probably fussier than his 'mates' which is no bad thing!!