DD1 insisting on leaving school next year

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

DD1 does quite well at school and is on course for decent GCSEs next year.

She's suddenly started insisting that she's going to leave after her GCSEs and become a jockey. DH trains horses and I've always worked in the business, but no amount of us talking to her about the realism of the industry is getting through. The facts are that she's just not a good enough rider and is already too big to be a jockey and her leaving school at 16 will see her working in a stable, mucking out and not much more. The unfortunate facts of our industry are that those who start in stables at 16 are rarely promoted beyond the lower jobs and are viewed as having bolted school at the earliest opportunity.
She has shown great promise at the breeding side of horses and could get on some fantastic schemes if she sticks out A-levels, but she's adamant she's leaving. I'm convinced this has more to do with living what she sees as the carefree and fun life of some of the youngsters she has met through our business.
She's not very mature (a very young 15) and I feel it would be disastrous if she leaves school at 16 because she's just not emotionally ready for independent life away from home, but she refuses to acknowledge that it could be anything but brilliant.
How do I convince her that she would be far better off to stay at school until she's 18? I would never try to force university upon her if she didn't want to go, but she will no way be ready to support herself at 16 and should stay at school (and living at home) until 18 at least.

[thisisyesterday]

i'd be tempted to just go with it. let her leave, on the condition that she gets a job and pays some keep.
she may need to find out the hard way that it isn't a bed of roses, and i'm sure she can get into college the following year!

either that, or see if she would compromise. get a place at college, but go and find a job during the summer and if she prefers it then defer college for a year (or more)

tbh I think if she is really devoted to doing this you may just have to stand by and let her do it... it is her life after all

[AMumInScotland]

The thing is that 15 year olds always know better than their parents. You can tell her the reality as often as you like, she'll still believe differently.

If she leaves school now, and spends a year mucking out stables, and being told by an adult who is not her parents that she's too big to be a jockey, then she is more likely to actually understand that this is true.

Then, she can look round and realise that going to college to get some A levels or a relevant qualification will make a huge difference to her prospects in life.

I don't think you can stop her from doing this, all you can do is make sure her experience of it doesn't let her think she can just "play" at this for the rest of her life. Make her get a job (with someone else, not you), and make her pay for her bed & board. Then help her see how many other options she has once the reality sinks in.

[Ewe]

Could she do something more vocational than A-levels? We have a college near us who do a range of equine based courses at 16+, here is a link to the programmes they offer. Do you have anything similar near you?

Might be an easier sell to her.

[colditz]

She needs to spend time breaking her back for a pittance. Don't help her with any of this. She has to make her own work lunches or buy them, and get herself to work, whilst continuing to live as a functional adult at home.

About 8 weeks of that shit should have her close to tears - then start leaving equestrian college prospectuses around.

[colditz]

If you are in Midlands, Brooksby Melton college do some good courses.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

DH and I have had a discussion and he is going to employ her for her school holidays. He is under explicit instructions that she is not to go to the races, nor ride out (she's not a high enough standard yet anyway). Instead she will spend her summer mucking out, clearing drains, sweeping (lots and lots of sweeping!) for the minimum pay. No doubt she'll think this is great during the summer, but we are going to do the same at Oct half term, christmas (see how she likes getting up at 6am in the dark, freezing rain) especially when DD2 and I are at home on christmas eve, baking brownies and watching The Santa Clause!
I think she has unrealistic expectations of a life in racing and that her daddy's position will ease her through the shit and into the good jobs. No chance. I've told her if she wants to work in racing she has to find her own job because we won't employ her. That would mean her living in a different part of the country and fending for herself completely. I wouldn't mind so much if this was the culmination of a childhood ambition (like it was for me), but this is something that has come on suddenly in the past six months and, I suspect, may have more to do with fancying the stable jockey than a deep-rooted love of horseracing. It's highly impetuous which I would expect from a 15 year old, but I thought she had more sense than to just think she could up sticks and become self-sufficient when she can't even put her own clothes away.

[AMumInScotland]

So, if she was to do this, she'd move out next summer and have to completely manage on her own? I'd agree with getting her to do that sort of work all through every holiday. Plus also make her deal with the practicalities of cooking, cleaning, looking after her own clothes etc. "For practice".

I suspect a year of that might well help her to see that it's not an easy or fun thing she's planning!

[irises]

So is she just coming to the end of yr10 now?

[MumInBeds]

Could you arrange a compromise with her, that she will do this as a 'gap year' job then return to A Levels after with the experience under her belt?

[twolittlemonkeys]

GOH, I think your plan for getting her to work really hard in the holidays (especially in the colder weather at Christmas) ought to nudge her into re-thinking. Let us know how it goes!

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

Mwahaha - day one and my evil plan is working already!
DH went in to wake her up this morning and she moaned and complained like mad "But it's only the first day of the holidays! I should get at least one day to lie-in!"
I reminded her that she has already had more days holiday from school this year than she would get in a whole year working. Not only that, but the rest of the staff had started at 6am and it was 7.30 already!
I am also going to tell her that she will have to pay £25 per week to me for her keep when she is earning (a bargain because she gets her food/laundry done and a roof over her head for that) and that her allowance is suspended as she is earning her own money. It will re-start when she goes back to school in Sept. As she is 15 she doesn't come under the minimum pay requirements, so DH and I have agreed on £3 per hour, but she will be docked if she's late (like she was this morning). She thinks she's going racing to Ascot tomorrow - wrongly! She will be here at the yard, mucking out and sweeping. She may get to go to a Wolverhampton evening meeting one day though....then she'll know what a long day and hard work this way of life offers. I must stress that we are not being unduly hard on her - this is what she would be doing in any yard at 16 - no concessions.
A-levels might start to look attractive!