This evening, I am all groomed...

[WilfSell]

I have waxed my eyebrows, top lip and legs. I have manicured my nails, dyed my hair, done a face pack and body brushed. My teeth are flossed and I a sitting glowing on the sofa, chilled wine in hand, looking all coquettish with an oiled cleavage looking like two warm golden loaves of bread.

And DH has done his back in

[jeep]

do the same to him

[Tizzyjacko]

Oh dear you are both going to have to be very careful then.

[displayuntiltwelfthnight]

it's not clear from your OP whether DH having done his back in is an after effect or whether it is something that has happened before anything got a chance to get going

[BitOfFunderthemistletoe]

Sadly, the latter, I think. Typical!

[WilfSell]

Yes. He is stranded and useless to me now.

[displayuntiltwelfthnight]

lol
two warm golden loaves of bread made me laugh