I rented for the first few years I was working and do find the expectation of some parents and grown up offspring that your first independant abode should be a bought house rather than a small rented flat or shared flat rather odd.
Most of my friends went to university and rented for a few years whilst they saved up for a deposit. The staying with your parents whilst you save up (or don't and spend it all on sweeties or whatever) seems a fairly recent development.
We've all become obsessed with being homeowners and getting on property ladders.

Possibly so, mumblechum. Although in our case, we didnt have kids cos we didnt know each other till he was 32 anyway! We had ds1 in our flat, but dh put his foot down about not having ds2 until we'd got a bigger place. I didnt like that at all at the time, but in retrospect, he was right (I hate to admit!). We didnt decide we could afford to have a family, it just kind of came up as an issue, it was the right time in my career etc.

I was at uni at the time grants decreased each year, so I made it through by the skin of my financial teeth, and only also because my Dad gave me £100 a month for the duration.And because I was in North Wales; I'd never have survived paying London prices on a grant. I really dont know how the boys will amange, unles we run electricity down the garden to the playhouse and make them live there

Sorry to go off on a bit of a tangent, but was interested in what MRM was saying.

DH and I were out at RHS Wisley yesterday and were remarking how old a lot of the parents of little children were - some of them looked well into their 40s with little under 5s, and we were wondering whether this is all due to people nowadays having such a struggle to get themselves establised on the housing ladder before they even think about having kids.

We were among the last of the fortunate few who didn't have tuition fees, student debts and house prices were quite low when we bought our first houses at 21 and 22 respectively.

A lot of the families yesterday must have had to put on hold a lot of things such as buying houses, starting a family until way longer - 15 to 20 years longer - than we did because of the way things have changed financially, esp. in the SE.

I know lots of 25yr olds who live at home, they simply cant afford to move out. Well, they could flat share in a shitty area like dh did when he first moved down here. But I suspect staying in a nice family home is preferable in many cases.

Tbh, I am 35 and dh is 44 and we can only just afford a home of our own even though dh works 50 hours a week and I saved all my salary for years pre-kids, and we sold our flats at good profit to buy this house (right timing etc). We cant afford to save anything for the boys, and I do wonder how on earth they'll ever afford to move out.

Hmmn can of worms has been opened here. Yes DSS has full time job, I think it would be difficult nigh on impossible for him to get a mortgage with his credit score. I dont know what credit checks they'd do for a rental property but I dont want us to be guarantor. I'd be happier if I saw some planning to get his own place (like putting money away) but its not happening.
Girlfriend came round last night and we shouted hello as they ran up the stairs, its a start I suppose.

I would be livid at all off this, DSS is 18 and lives here, I object to him bringing strangers into the house and he is aware that when that day comes, then he can move out and find somewhere to live where DH, I and the rest of the kids arent.

It is downright rude to bring someone into the house and not introduce you, to sneak upstairs without introducing you and saying hello, and to keep DD up on a school night.

My DSS is aware that he is welcome to live here as long as he likes, but the cheap life he gets here means he doesnt have the freedoms he would in his own house and that will be the case whether he is 18, 25 or 30, its a matter of respect IMHO

Does he have a job, OP?

Any job, not a graduate job necessarily, will build self-respect and create opportunities for more satifying adult relationships than a fumble in a single bed at your parents' place. If it is low-paid then the debts from education, if there are any, can be deferred, and he can claim housing benefit etc.

What is he doing to make his life a more adult one? Because behaving like this at 25 is pretty bad really- how are things going to magically change on their own? He could still be doing this at thirty- not attractive!

Ermm why is a 25 years old living with you?

Do any of you who are criticising older dcs still living/or returning home after uni have ANY idea what its like for them? Up to their eyeballs in student debt; not being able to get a mortgage or job...... For some there is no opton but to live at home and I dont think many of them would choose this option if there was any alternative. Even a bedsit or house share is totally out of their reach.

I'm making the point that they are being infantalised by useing that language.

There aren't many jobs near where I live, but young people still move out and rent, or move away for opportunities.