I have 2 dc's and 2dsc's aged between 7-11. Have been SM for almost 2 years and have always believed in treating all the kids the same, including financially. Spend the same for xmas and birthdays, pay for everyones swimming lessons, take them all on holidays, and never buy treats for 1 without the others etc.etc. My dsc's have a full wardrobe of clothes at our house and we pay maintainence for them. This has always been my idea of what is fair.
Unfortunately we have never received a penny in maintainence from my ex for my dc's and he doesnt provide in any other way either.
However, we are really struggling financially and I wondered how other step families do things.
I have had it pointed out to me that actually my dsc's are getting double of everything (pocket money etc), as they get everything off us and off their BM. Due to the financial struggle I have had to stop everyones swimming lessons because I cant afford to pay for 4 lots, and pocket money has been halved since dsc's came. Birthdays and xmas have also been halved. It seems I cant afford to do the things I used to with my dc's anymore but my dsc's continue to do these things with their BM.
Am I selfish for thinking my dc's are missing out?
I know that if they were all our biological kids then that we would have to split things 4 ways, but cant help feeling that my kids are having less while dsc's are having more. Apologies if that sounds resentful, as I do love my dsc's and want the best for all of them.
I would like to start a monthly savings bond, but cant afford to do it for 4, so feel unable to do it for any.
Its really keeping me awake at night.
Any advice gratefully received. Thanks
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Step-parenting
Cant balance my ideas of "whats fair" with my finances - help!
75 replies
terrier141 · 25/08/2009 07:49
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