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Step-parenting

If he moves in - the logistics of it all hurt my head. Help needed

10 replies

coldupnorth · 14/04/2009 00:45

Advice needed please. DP and I are v in love but penniless. It makes sense on all levels for us to move in together. My house is just about big enough to accommodate all the DC. However, I?m trying unsuccessfully to get my head around the logistics of it. He lives 30 miles away, has 3 DC, 10, 15 and 16. I have 2 DC 13 and 15. We both have our respective children every other weekend.
My problem is his children have lots of activities on a weekend + sleep overs etc with friends, obviously based around where they live at the moment.
He feels he still needs to keep a base there as it is the usual taxiing backwards and forwards to football, parties with gaps in between. If he came to live with me and gave up his house how can we get around the logistics of it all? My friend said his kids should carve out a new social life at my end of the world for their time here, but I think that?s unreasonable to expect them to do that.
I dearly want him to move in with me but need help to think this through. How did others deal with this situation?

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Tortington · 14/04/2009 01:18

you make sure each of you has your kids on a different weekend

30 miles isn't THAT far away - i do just under that every day for work

the kids might have to make one or two social adjustments to logistical ease but should not be expected to give up the majority.

he doesn't need his house, but perhaps he is scared of making the commitment.

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Surfermum · 14/04/2009 10:19

I think unless they are on board and wanting to move you could be heading for a lot of trouble if you uproot them now from their friends and activities.

Is it not possible for you to move in with him? Or find somewhere completely new?

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mrsjammi · 14/04/2009 11:49

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coldupnorth · 14/04/2009 12:34

He has agreed the marital home shouldn't be sold for another year because of the current market prices. So he/we can't afford to buy anywhere until this happens - he's currently in rented.
What happens on a typical Saturday for him at the moment is
10.00 am football til @ 12 ish
then other DC rugby @2 pm til 4 ish
Sunday also involve some sort of spot at some point.
Then any sleepovers/parties usually to drop off to anytime 6/7 pm.
Great social life!
But if he moved in with me what to do in the gaps when they are waiting around. At the moment they can obviously pop back to their house for lunch / shower. But no base means either driving back to mine ( 60 mile 'round trip) only to go out again a hour or so later.i agree 30 miles isn't far as I cover that to get to work. But 2/3 times a day would be a lot.
maybe I'm being really dim here but can't see a way around it.

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coldupnorth · 14/04/2009 12:47

Meant sport - not spot! although I veiw them in similar negitive ways

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elliott · 14/04/2009 12:52

I think he should prioritise his children at the moment - they are at an age where they may simply vote with their feet if they don't like the idea of being uprooted (the older two anyway). Does he see them at all in the week? presumably he could spend more time with you all the times when he doesn't have them. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear...

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mrsjammi · 14/04/2009 13:04

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coldupnorth · 15/04/2009 12:24

Mrs Jammi I'm glad you feel so confident. His children are lovely and I wouldn't want to do anything to unsettle them. Grand parents are long way away.
My children seem a lot more adaptable but that maybe because we are a couple more years down the post divorce route than they are.
Some times you just want to move on with your life. However, I'm begigng to see why second marriages/relationships especially with children involved can be a mine field .

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mrsjammi · 15/04/2009 17:40

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coldupnorth · 17/04/2009 15:05

Do you know Mrs J, that is an excellent idea.
will check it out as a very possible alternative.
many thanks

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