OMG someone please help me with my step son!!

[LenaAngel]

Please help me someone, I don't know what to do and I may lose my fiancee if things stay the way they are! My stepson's mom has never been in his life and I have been in his life now for almost 2 years, he is 11 years old and does not listen, dirty clothes are all over his bed and floor, he refuses to wear his pullups when he goes to bed at night and the room smells so bad of rotting urine, my son shares a room with him and is 13 and both my 15 year old daughter and my son pick up after themselves and hardly talk back to me but my fiancee's son does everything he can to disobey the rules in the house, he even took a crap in my bathtub last night and minipulated his dad into thinking it was an accident when he took a shower but my fiancee was the last one in the shower so stepson couldnt of had an accident in the shower this had to be done on purpose, we have lived together now for 15 months and I shouldnt have to still keep telling this boy to pick up after himself and the way he talks to me is unbelievable and my fiancee just believes anything his son tells him and then blames things on my kids or on me and my fiancee takes his side, I'm tired of being the bad guy, I've been patient but consistant with his son but get absolutely NO RESPECT whatsoever, when I met my fiancee and I heard the way his son talked to him I was in shock, I already forced my step daughter out of the home at age 18 because she was using heroin in the next bedroom when she babysat our kids one night and because she didnt want to follow the rules as well as I kicked my own 18 year old out because she would not take care of her baby, I know that sounds harsh but I couldnt deal with it but with the 11 year old, I've been loving, caring, understanding, patient and consistent but nothing helps, I even found a bitten apple in his draw and an opened jar of peanut butter with a spoon in it under his bed along with all his dirty clothes that are under his bed and on his bed, he sleeps in his bed filled with dirty clothes and saturated with urine and refuses to wear his pullup and the room smells so very bad, and this morning he couldnt find a hoody to wear to school because all his dirty clothes are in his bed and I told him to grab his coat and get to the bus and I asked him what his problem was and he screamed at me and said "whats your problem" and then he missed the bus, my kids were already on the bus and I had to drive him to school, but when I tell my fiancee things that are going on his son minipulates him and brings up something one of my kids did months ago and then my kids get yelled at and then he fights with me, I don't know what to do, we are getting married on May 23 and it seems to be getting worse, someone please help me!!!

[LenaAngel]

LOL whats SN?

[hercules1]

and breathe

[LenaAngel]

No he doesnt have SN, when I spoke with his dad about the pooping in the shower, actually it was diareha, did I spell that right LOL anyhow I told him I was going to make his son clean it up the next day and my fiancee just looked at me and said "what, havent you ever had an accident in your pants" I said good god yes an accident in my pants maybe when I was sick and couldnt make it to the toilet and my kids have also had this happen before but good grief an accident in the shower when the toilets right there and to top it off I went in to clean the bathroom today and there's diareha all over my bathroom wall!!!!! I called my fiancee to speak with him about the talking back this morning and first let me say I do not let any of the kids sit on my couch in the living room because his son disroyed my 1000 dollar couch that's in the family room by sleeping on it and pissing on it and ripping the cushions, anyhow I call my fiancee to let him know I'm not putting up with this behavior anymore and all he can say is "why did you let YOUR SON sit on the couch with you last night" he can't find anything better to say or complain about then my son sitting on the couch and the only reason I did that is because he let his son sit on the couch with him the other night to watch the basketball game!!!!! otherwise I wouldnt have allowed this at all, my kids use to be able to sit on my furniture until I moved in with my fiancee and seen his son distroy everything, so just to make it fair I don't allow any of them to sit on the furniture, but this kid, oh my god just has no respect whatsoever and I'm totally fed up and ready to have a nervous breakdown!! I havent thought about contacting the school, are you talking about the guidance councelor? If so, would they be able to help and what is SS??

[hercules1]

Your stepson needs urgent help and now. Please make your dh take him to the gp or go through your school for an urgent camhs appointment. I suggest you also look into getting whole family counselling.

[conniedescending]

this behaviour is not normal - you have to make your DP understand this (get him to read this thread) and get the child to a doctor for an urgent referral.

Soiling is a real warning sign that all is not well

[MadameCastafiore]

I would sit fiancee down calmly and tell him the wedding is off until you all get some counselling and your DSS gets seen by a medical professional to see if he has SN or if his behaviour is deliberate.

Maybe your fiancee is trying to ignore the pretty huge issues his son has by directing the problem back at you and your kids rather than addressing the problem at hand.

[hercules1]

It is irrelevant whether the behaviour is deliberate. This is an 11 year old in need of serious help.

[drlove8]

walk away! why should your kids suffer because of your fiancee and his son?.if he was any kind of decent dad he'd step in and sort out his sons problems, but hes passing the shit onto you. you dont have to put up with this, leave...or better still chuck him out.

[prettyfly1]

Seriously Jammi is right - you cannot get married and that child needs mental help - I get grumpy if my four year old poos himself. You need to deal with this NOW. Call the wedding off for gs.