What to do with a Disney Dad?

[winterst4r]

Hi all. I am wondering if anyone can give me advice on how to handle when your ex goes Disney? Dd is 4 and spends eow with her father plus 2 nights a week. Her father is well meaning and loves her to bits but totally spineless. She has no regular bedtime there, eats what she wants, is allowed all the tv and tablet she asks for, and is never reprimanded only rewarded for good behaviour with toys and treats This is affecting her health as she is constantly tired and has had a runny nose since July that just won't go away. Even her being for 3 blood tests in a row because her blood count is off has not smartone him up. She comes home after being at his and all her table manners are forgotten and she back chats and throws terrible tantrums when she can't have her own way. DP and I are both very child focused and loving but strict with DD and DSD who is five and visits eow and a couple afternoons a week. Our girls are everything tp us and they are best friends. I know DD is happy here but every time she returns from her DFs she is kind of a nightmare... Can anyone suggest a book or course on discipline that I could suggest her DF and I both follow so that she is getting a consistent and age appropriate upbringing? Thank you so much for reading!

[ChiefBillyNacho]

Being unsettled when coming home from the other parent is pretty normal. I found it when dsd used to come from her mum's - she always settled down after the first night, and I find the same now when dd and even dsd (who is now adult) return from their Dad's.

Do you actually know that all these things go on at his? If they are and he's not on board with making any changes while she's with him, then you're going to have a hard job getting anything to change. I've approached things both as a SM and now as an RP the same - that I can "control" what goes on when they are with me and not when they are with the other parent. So these days I just mostly leave xh to it - unless he's receptive to my comments and suggestions (which generally he isn't!). I've had to step in recently as his gf was being especially nasty to dd and she was in tears every time she came home and was on the verge of not going at all, but that was the first time in 4 years.

If she's poorly I would be focussing on that and rather than blaming your ex, talk to him about what the doctor is saying, what the issue is and what the doctor is saying will help - at both homes. If there is a health issue you need him on-side with it, so the more collaboratively you can approach this the better.

[winterst4r]

I do know for a fact these things go on and he will readily admit it. He is petrified of confrontation and always has been so DD rarely hears no there without serious sugar coating. I think he believes it is good parenting to avoid conflict with her. I don't think he understands how difficult it is going to be for her when she starts school in 2 weeks to have to listen to rules. Like I said, he loves her to bits so I am hoping that there will be something that he could read or watch to help him understand the need to establish boundaries for her. The health thing he just does not take seriously. He won't even come to the doctors appointments.He is just sticking heading the sand.