ok so i firmly believe that wherever possible all adults involved in a child's life and upbringing should be at the very least amicable as it makes the child's life supremely better. However, in spite of trying incredibly hard to get a long with DP's ex she insists on hating me - and I am not the OW. She kicked DP out in favour of her OM.
Examples -
- His custody arrangement was originally 3 weekends off and then the next 3 on and every Thursday after school. She complained to the mediator that it was unfair as too much for her to have the kids for 3 weeks without a break. Mediator suggested EOW and DP said that due to his shifts he would have to check with me and his parents whether this would be ok as there would be times when he was at work or asleep (he works nights) and either me or his parents would need to mind the kinds. Frankly i thought he was very diplomatic, his parents were in their early 80's and his mum was not in good health. She flipped that she couldn't get an answer there and then. At the next meeting DP said that his parents and i had agreed so he could happily accept the change to EOW if it would help his ex out and give her a more regulated break and more routine for the kids. Cue utter hystrionics from her (i got the texts from her ranting at me) that she wasn't having me looking after her kids, i wasn't an appropriate adult, she didn't know me. I had assumed that this would be her reaction as she had engineered an awful lot to try and take DP to the cleaners financially, so had sent him with my CRB certificates (i work with several volunteer agencies who required individual ones), and print outs of messages from her asking me if i would mind having the kids for her as she was tired and needed a break and she knew DP was at work and i wasn't. Neither needed to be produced as the mediator firmly told her that she couldn't have her cake and eat it (transcribed notes are a hilarious read) and as this is what she had asked for she could hardly refuse when DP had agreed.
- The kids always have nits, we comb them and treat them when they are here but their mum refuses to treat them at home (she has told DP she has no intention of doing it as kids just get them anyway). I have been trying to teach the kids how to manage their hair, comb it through, use a preventative neem oil spray etc, sent everything home with them so they could do it at home too as i know this stuff is not cheap and she is on a low wage. she binned it all telling DP that she had told him she would not be treating the kids and that was the end of it.
- School called DP and her in to discuss issues with DSS. She openly refused to do anything about his behaviour and told the school that it was happening while he was there therefore it was entirely their problem. She repeated this when at parents evening the school told them that he would benefit from extra help in certain areas of English. I used to be a teacher so DP asked me to help him and arranged a meeting at the school for him and i and DSS so we could get some specifics on the areas he needed help with ready for his Y6 SATs. She flipped her lid at DP and returned all the extra study books we had bought to us and basically told us he wouldn't be doing them and she would be livid if she found out we were doing anything with him. Needless to say we ignored it, I tutored him and his grades shot up as most of the issue was a complete misunderstanding of something he had been told in school. Corrected this and suddenly what had caused a VERY smart kid to be failing saw him hitting A and B grades again.
- DSS's attitude to me has been vile of late, nothing has altered in our interaction, he is just going through a boundaries pushing stage. However, i have ardently told DP that I am not engaging, if DSS wants to be a little sod then he can carry on, but I am not making any effort above and beyond for him until his attitude improves. So I am now not doing DSS any favours in terms of lifts to places, extra treats if i see something when shopping that i know he would like have all stopped, i refused to oversee his birthday sleepover (DP had asked for holiday but a management reshuffle saw it all get cancelled as he was last to request and his old boss had left the building with no one of DP's job working). It has worked well and DSS's attitude has improved massively. However, by not buying him treats, taking him everywhere he wants and spending a fortune on him i am obviously resentful of him and clearly don't like him according to his mum, but when i take him out and buy him the bag he wants i am overstepping the mark and should mind my own business
Does this EVER go away???
I could understand if i had been the OW, but she was the one who had the affair and picked the OM over DP!!
