Am I being childish?

[FedupofTurkey]

Dsd wants to watch a certain programme in my bedroom as its after dsd goes to bed but before her settle down time and there is no tv in her room. Am I being selfish and childish to not be happy at this. I feel that is my only space that is mine in the house. Also I only know she wants to as I overheard her asking dp, no-one has asked me if its ok.

[GreenGrassStains]

Presumably she asked DP as it is yours and his shared bedroom? Or does he snore enough to warrant separate rooms?

If you were planning to spend the evening in your room, or go to bed before she'd be finished YANBU
But otherwise I think it'd be nice if you let DSD as it wouldn't really affect you much. She should let you know at some point though!!

[thethingsyoudoforlove]

I spend my days wishing for dsd to vanish off upstairs and give us some space. She's 15 and always around expecting to be entertained constantly so I'd secretly be overjoyed if she asked if she could go and watch something alone!

I understand what you mean about it being your space but realistically, unless she goes snooping, I don't think it's going to do any harm having her just sit on your bed for a while.

[WakeyCakey45]

This isn't actually a step- issue, because opinion is divided amongst parents here on MN and generally as to whether children are welcome in their bedroom or not - so I predict you'll get a split of replies, some calling you a wicked stepmum, and others saying you are being perfectly reasonable.

As long as the rules are consistent and "fair" for all children in the household, there is no reason why children should have access to space in the home dedicated to adults. So, it wouldn't be "fair" to exclude a breast feeding baby, for instance, but an older child who wants to watch TV will not be significantly disadvantaged by not having access to the room.

Agree boundaries with your DP, and suggest he avoids telling his DD that "fedupofturkey dosnt want you to". Not only does that paint you as the "bad guy" it also teaches his DD that he defers to your will, undermining her respect for him and setting a very poor example for her own relationships.

[Kaluki]

Not childish.
Our bedroom is a no go area in our house. It's the only place I have any control of anything!!!!

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Get it taped and she can watch it the next day.

[purpleroses]

Why not suggest she gets all ready for bed beforehand and then comes down to watch the programme? Ours love being allowed to bring a duvet down to snuggle up under as a treat.

I'm with you on feeling I need my bedroom to be a place where the kids aren't. For me I think it is a step issue to an extent in that there are more strains in a big blended family and I like to know I have somewhere quiet to go if I need to. Having my kids in my room didn't use to bother me when it was just me and my own kids living together.

[SDRyan]

I don't think it's selfish. It's the only place I have for peace, too, DSD regularly invades it, especially when she doesn't have Internet access. We don't have a TV or computer in there, it's just her way of being annoying (as revenge) and procrastinating (when it's bed time). Unfortunately, she does go snooping and has taken stuff, so I really prefer it to be a no-go area for her. I completely understand where you're coming from, it's definitely not unreasonable. Everyone needs their space. And I wouldn't be surprised if your DSD prefers people don't go into her room too, so discussing boundaries and the fact it's a two way street with her might help?

I did this with DSD recently and now she knocks and mostly doesn't enter unless she is given permission, but not always.

By the way, can she not watch the programme on catch up TV?

[ClashCityRocker]

I don't think you're being selfish - as wakey says, there is a definite split between parents who have rooms as 'their' space and those where it's much more of a free for all.

Growing up, we weren't allowed to go into mum and dad's room without permission. If I'm totally honest, I still feel a bit odd when DSS comes in our room mostly because I'm a slattern and whilst I can keep the mess at bay in the rest of the house, the bedroom just goes to pot

If I go round my mums now, I'll always ask before going in the bedroom. DH was bought up totally differently - in fact we were round there earlier one and DMIL asked me to fetch something off her bedside table. I actually felt quite squeamish about it, god knows why.

Make sure you don't get painted as the bad guy in this - maybe a quiet word with DP? I agree with letting her get her pjs on and watch downstairs if it's a one-off.

[TheMumsRush]

I may have allowed it in the past but dsd is going through a sticky fingers phase, she is not allowed in our room on her own, nor is she allowed upstairs at her aunts for the same reason and I only found this out a while after. Otherwise I think I wouldn't have minded.

[LatteLoverLovesLattes]

What did you do in the end?

I would have recorded it for her to watch today if I didn't want her in my room.

For me it would depend on the person asking and if they asked me. Bio/step/other wouldn't be the issue, but how I felt about that person being in my personal space, how likely they are to snoop, how likely they are to make a mess etc

But no, you are not being unreasonable not to want anyone in your private space.

[Eliza22]

It wouldn't bother me, at all. So long as it doesn't interfere with my sleep time.

[shey03]

I just like my room tidy and I don't really want anyone else in there, it's my space. I don't hang out in my kids rooms unless we're hanging out chatting together....