DH has two DSs and a DD. He has never been allowed access to his DD as he left the relationship while his XP was pregnant (obviously far from ideal but there was a total relationship breakdown, His XP had spent/squirrelled away his 30k inheritance and had cut him off from his family among other things). He is not named on the birth cert although DSD takes his surname. After I met DH we had the two DSS every other weekend for many years and things were good on the whole, we had two DC ourselves and DSSs doted on both of them.
Eventually it was too upsetting for all of us that DSD was excluded from everything and DH began to push for access and consulted a solicitor, at around this time teenage eldest DSS (who had been gravely ill and in and out of hospital, we did most of the hospital runs for him) turned up on our doorstep covered in bruises saying his mother had done this, there ensued a hideous row and as a result we did not see any of the children at all. We spent 9k on solicitors fighting this and eventually gave up as the children said they did not want to know us and that DH had made up the story about the bruises.
Fast forward 4 years and the two teenage DSS have gradually resumed contact in varying degrees (it's usually been in secret from their mother and they usually ask for money into their accounts which we always give - of course DH pays full maintenance too) and the younger DSS has now seen his dad twice in person and both are over the moon with this. Younger DSS says that his mum has chilled out now and he can see his dad if he wants.
My questions are:
- Younger DSS is champing at the bit to see our DCs (bless him) but I would prefer to take things slower. DS was 3 when his brothers stopped seeing him and it was difficult for nearly two years as he would ask for them. I'm just worried contact could be stopped abruptly again. What do you think?
- We've booked a holiday of a lifetime to florida for next summer, this was booked before contact started again and I've saved for a year for this. I would manage to pay for the three DSCs to come with us but of course DSS1 doesn't see us anymore (only texts/FB) and DSD has NEVER seen us so they are very unlikely to be able to come. This situation is not within our control but we still can't help feeling guilty that we will have this great holiday and they won't. The only thing I can think of is that we send over extra money for them to have a holiday of their own - would you do this?
Thanks for your help and sorry for the long post!
