Aaaaarrrrrr

[TheMumsRush]

Fucking aaarrrr!!!!! God forbid I should say anything in my own fucking home!!!! And before anyone says "poor kids" kids are irritating, my own ds is irritating but I can do something about him I know they are just kids but it that an excuse for EVERYTHING!!! Better now

[TheMumsRush]

It's not their fault, it's my DH for being a defensive dad

[TheMumsRush]

Not murder, just if I pull dsd up he protects her (never dss ) all I said was can you stop doing that, que him jumping to defence and soppy talk to her and then I get back chat from her that she wasn't doing what I've just witnessed! and he won't pull her up on the back chat. She's 7 fgs I'm an adult, I don't want to be questioned by a 7y old in my house! I'm ok now. I took my self off and text him, I find that a better means of getting my point across to him sometimes. :) he apologised

[yoyo27]

Sounds familiar xx

[riverboat1]

I can imagine how frustrating it is. I don't have any kids of my own so it's easier for me I think. But I've found that although DP isn't really lax as such with his DS, he has been sensitive to me saying ANYTHING negative about his behaviour or attitude. Not in front of DSS, thankfully, he has never had a problem with me telling DSS to remember a house rule, that's fine. But if I happened to mention something to DP that I thought wasn't so great about DSS, it often met with blank denial.

I have come to realise it's a two-way street, at one time I think I was too focused on DSS's shortcomings and really let them all get to me and lost perspective of the fact that overall he is a good kid. So I remember to say to both DSS and DP when I have had fun with DSS or when he has been clever or kind or surprised me in a good way. This, I think, has made DP more aware of the fact that I don't 'have it in for' DSS as such, and he is more receptive to me gently bringing up wider issues that I have noticed that I think stand to be addressed.

But I can afford this whole softly-softly attitude partly because none of the problems are massive, and also because there are no other kids in the house, I totally get that if you've got your own kids that you're trying to get to adhere to certain rules and standards, there's much less wiggle room for these things!

[Kaluki]

Mums I do exactly that! Go up to my room and text DP why I'm pissed off!
He usually comes up and apologises too. I think it's easier to take criticism in writing!!!

[StercusAccidit]

^ I used to text too.. about 20 sides of a4 worth of text lol

[wheresthelight]

Sending hugs mumsrush! Hope today is better!!

I find the turning it on its head works quite well. So if dsc's are treating you like shit ask them outright with their dad stood their of you disrespect them and treat them like shit, when they say no you them ask them why they feel the need to treat you that way. I also find if mum had a partner asking them if they treat him like shit makes them realise that just because they are only here for two days doesn't mean that they can get away with it.

[TheMumsRush]

Thanks ladies all good now, I just ranted here rather in RL and cause friction. Like I said, it's dh, not dsd, she's just being 7. Anyway, I made my point to DH and he said he would try to look out for his over compensation. We all had a nice weekend together

[syllabub1]

Oh it's so lovely to know that I'm not the only one going through this EXACT same problem.

[FedupofTurkey]

Marking place for support to ;)

Its so hard to not get wound up when things that you would deal (or have dealt) with with kids are ignored :(

[TheMumsRush]

Ok this may seem a little thing but this is a recent example. We are all in the living room watching TV, dsd is picking her nose and eating it (something I'm sure lots of 7yr olds do) . I'm watching this and say to her "pick us a winner" so she knows I can see her and it's a friendly way of letting her know that. She soon continues, I say "dsd, come on, stop picking your nose", she tells me she isn't and that she's scratching her nose, I say I've just been watching. DH pipes up with "I don't think she was" than said "Awwww come here dsd, do you want a cuddle" I could of said something to him but dsd was on his lap by then and I'm not going to start a row I front of the kids. So I go to my room and text him. How do I get him to not pull me up in front of the kids and to actually back me up? It's humiliating sometimes, he's more aware that he does it but can't seem to help himself?

[thecandymancan]

Oh! Here are all the people going through the same as me! DPs 6 y/o DD has recently started being rude to me (mainly faces, ignoring, etc etc) and DP won't pull her up on it because "I didn't see it and I won't discipline for something I haven't seen". I'm like hello she's a smart kid of course she won't do it where you can see it. He says he's worried about driving a wedge between us. I'm worried about her becoming manipulative like her mother.
Aaarrrrrgh

[thecandymancan]

Do you ladies live with your DPS?

[TheMumsRush]

I do , have done since dsd was two, she's only remembers her dad with me, dss is a bit older and he's such a lovely young man :)

[shey03]

Samee, samee. Mums isn't it much better to rant here than in RL? The hyper sensitivity and defensiveness (is that a word?) is exhausting at times. It's easier just to suck it up. I want my dp to see that he can still love his dc but not love the behaviour. Be strong and confident and PARENT out of love, it's not being disloyal to discipline or set standards of behaviour for a child.......