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Step-parenting

SIL excluded DSS from family photo

77 replies

EMS23 · 10/08/2014 11:05

It's just a rant, she's a witch and has form for this sort of bitchy crap but I can't have it out with her as my parents can't cope with the fallout when she inevitably punishes them by withholding visits of her kids.

At a family event yday, my mum had organised and paid for a professional photographer and SIL tried to engineer it so that my DSS was excluded from the grandchildren photo.

She knows full well my parents consider him their own grandchild. He's been in my life for 10 years and lives with us 50/50. He's as much my family as my own children. My children are his siblings. How bloody could she?
Arrgh, I'm so angry. Thank god he was oblivious. And his mum, who I get on well with, would be so upset if she got wind of this. She and her whole family treat our kids like their own and they're not even her step children.
I flipping hate my SIL sometimes!!

OP posts:
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LilyandGinger · 10/08/2014 11:08

That's dreadful.

Do you have to 'have it out with her'. I think I might just briefly tell her that the behaviour was notes, unacceptable to you and your parents and not to do it again. No drama required. Firm, polite, unwavering.

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HygieneFreak · 10/08/2014 11:08

Well he isnt a "proper grandchild" no matter how you like to believe he is.

If i was having a grandchild only photo, i wouldnt include step children

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TomHardysFuckBuddy · 10/08/2014 11:11

What hygiene ?? I sincerely hope you're not a step parent.

Was he in the photo eventually op?

You're right, total bitch.

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HygieneFreak · 10/08/2014 11:12

Tom

I am a step parent, i wouldnt post on a step parenting topic if i wasnt

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HairyPotter · 10/08/2014 11:12

Bit harsh Hygiene especially as the op says her parents regard him as a grandchild.

Sil sounds vile

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wheresthelight · 10/08/2014 11:12

Wow hygiene you're a charmer!!

OP your sil is a cow! I would have a word with her and explain that dss is family and she needs to accept that.

None of my family would exclude dsc's from family photos!! My parents class them as their own grandchildren just as much as they do my dd and dsis's new baby and dsc's have only been in my life a couple of years!

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BirdhouseInYourSoul · 10/08/2014 11:13

Poor boy Sad

To me family is much more then bloodline. If your parents consider him as a grandchild then he is.

With families being so much more diverse and mixed these days I don't understand how people are still so hung up on bloody genetics.

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ScrambledEggAndToast · 10/08/2014 11:14

That's dreadful hygiene Shock Would you say that if he was adopted? My DPs parents treat my son then same as their bio grandson's. Nothing wrong with having a stepchild in a family photo.

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FlossyMoo · 10/08/2014 11:15

Such a thoughtful post Hygiene I am so pleased you took the time to write such an in depth view on blended families and the role children play in them. Hmm

Oh and if you want an example of sarcasm ^this is it.

OP your SIL sounds horrible and I am sorry she is in your life however the rest of your family and the exes family sound lovely Smile

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gertiegusset · 10/08/2014 11:17

Would you include adopted children in that reckoning hygiene?

Not a 'proper' grandchild indeed, what a nasty, unpleasant view you hold.

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TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclinatio · 10/08/2014 11:17

I'm glad he wasn't aware of it, that would have been really horrible for him.

What a bitch. Even though it might cause waves, I'd tell her, in no uncertain terms how unacceptable her behaviour was.

hygienefreak - you are a step parent and you find this acceptable? I feel very sorry for your step kids.

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gertiegusset · 10/08/2014 11:20

But then there's always one on these sort of threads isn't there. Hmm

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HygieneFreak · 10/08/2014 11:21

Legally adopted children are family

However i feel that step children are only family whilst you are married. As if divorce does happen, you have no legal right to the step child and generally the person you are divorcing wont want you to keep in contact with their children anyway.

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FlossyMoo · 10/08/2014 11:22

I do wonder Gertie if some express such vile attitudes just to get a reaction.

If hygiene is indeed a SM I too feel very sorry for the children in her life.

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HygieneFreak · 10/08/2014 11:23

It is my honest opinion and just because you may not agree with it, it doesnt make it any less valid than yours.

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TomHardysFuckBuddy · 10/08/2014 11:24

Well, would you look at that, I'm not a step parent, and here I am posting Shock

Would you say the same about adopted children hygiene ? He's been in the family for ten years.

Families come in all forms, they're still families.

Do you exclude your sc from your family photos them hygiene ?

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bluebell8782 · 10/08/2014 11:26

Vile opinion hygienefreak....you're just nasty..plain and simple.

Good job your DSS was oblivious EMS..although you might want to say something now as I'm sure your DSS will notice as he gets older

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SlightPanicAhoy · 10/08/2014 11:27

Totally off topic but just seen your name and I love Tom Hardy! Grin

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FlossyMoo · 10/08/2014 11:30

Just because it is your HO does not mean it can go unchallenged Hygiene.

This was a family photograph and the DSS is family and is viewed as family by all but the vile SIL. The birth right is merely semantics.

You speak as if this was the reading of a will and the DSS validity of a claim against it is null and void. It is a PHOTOGRAPH, remove head from sphincter and think about your POV before you express it.

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TomHardysFuckBuddy · 10/08/2014 11:32

Also, it wasn't bitch of a sils photo, it was the gps, who do view him as family.

Op, was he included in the end?

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gertiegusset · 10/08/2014 11:33

Step children are family too.


Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

John F. Kennedy

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TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclinatio · 10/08/2014 11:43

Hygiene - I do agree that there is a difference between step children and adopted children. With adopted children there's that certainty that they will always be a part of the family (well as much as there is with any birth child anyway) where as with step-children there's a greater risk that one day they might not be around, especially if they are young (too young to maintain independant contact if the adults split up).

However, I think you have to work on the basis that they are, right now, family and in your heart will always be - even if another adult makes seeing them difficult. It's not right to exclude them on the basis that one day an adult might fuck up & then they might be separated from the people they have come to love as family. It's a double blow.

Of course it's different with children of different ages to come to think of them 'exactly the same as' children you have had in your family since they were born or adopted and it does depend on how committed the adults are to each other (dating someone for 5 minutes does not make their children step children) but to outright say 'they aren't a proper grandchild', especially when that child has been a part of the family for 10 years, really comes across as very nasty.

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TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclinatio · 10/08/2014 11:47

... and yes It was a photo - why risk hurting a child over a photo AND it was something the Granparents wanted to do with the children they consider Grandchildren. Nothing, nada, zero, zilch to do with the sister.

I'd love to see her reaction to a Will leaving equal amounts to all the children if this is her reaction to a bloody photo!

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needaholidaynow · 10/08/2014 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HygieneFreak · 10/08/2014 12:00

Toomuch

I agree with your posts.

With regards to sil, what would happen if she wanted a copy of this photo to put on a wall and say 5 years down the line, op splits with husband and doesnt see her dss anymore. Then the photo that is hanging on the wall is no longer all the grandchildren.

When i got married, there is a photo taken with family on plus new dh. My sisters partner of 6 years is on the end of the photo. My mother jokingly only allowed him on this photo at the end so he could be cut off if the relationship didnt work out as my mother wanted to put the photo on her wall.

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