Step Family and Mother In Law Issues

[raydonovanfan]

Hi All,
This is my first post to Mumsnet, and apologies if I do anything wrong but just wanted to get some neutral feedback on an issue I am currently experiencing.
Bit of background- I have a son (10) from a previous relationship. He was only 6 weeks old when I discovered that his father was cheating on us. There was also an issue of domestic violence and so I decided to pack up and leave.
We were on our own until he was 4 years old until I met my now husband, and we now have a daughter (4)
Husband's father dies a year or so prior to us meeting and so he only has his mother and brother. Generally I have gotten on well with my mother in law. We did have a bit of a fall out around a year after i met my husband, this was involving my son (from previous relationship) She claimed that he was a horrible little boy! Well, I was disgusted and ceased contact with her for around a year. Meaning all of us ceased contact with her. However, eventually, we thought we should bury the hatchet as life is too short.
So, that was approx 4 years ago now and she had appeared to be making a real effort with my son ( and obviously our daughter aswell) and our relationship was great. I even got her a job at my company so we were seeing each other 2 days a week at work. So, based on this great relationship, we decided to book a holiday for all of us (our family of 4, together with my mother in law and my best friend) Off to Spain we all went.
On the last day of the holiday, Mother In Law and my husband and both the kids said they would head out to get supplies from the shop. When they returned 10 mins or so later, my son looked all upset. I asked him what had happened to which he told me that he had been told "not to tell mum"....I pushed and pushed and he would not tell me, and then Mother In Law said that she had had a go at him in the car for "talking to her son like shit" ( as in my husband) I explained that it is difficult between the two of them sometimes (which it is) due to the fact that my son is not his! With this she said "Thank God he isn't one of ours" Well, I was horrified! This was all in front of his face and my 4 year old daughters face! She fired out all the insults like my husband is not happy etc etc and a tirade of abuse about me (all in front of my kids)
Luckily, it was the last day, so I only had to put up with her for a few more hours, but she totally ignored me and my son from that point onwards! When we arrived home, she tried to get my husband to leave us!
A month later, we still have not spoken, only last night I have discovered that she has turned my son's step cousin totally against him. (age 11, and her natural grandson) He is devastated as they are best friends!
So, what do i do? What are people's thoughts on this? xx

[wheresthelight]

Evil bitch!!!!!!

However, was your son talking to his step dad like shit? I get mighty pissed off when my dss (also 10) talks to me like I am shit on his shoe.

If he was then I cam understand her telling him off although the rest of it is absolutely unacceptable!!

Can you speak to the cousins parents about this?

[raydonovanfan]

Hi, well, he has a bit of mouthiness sometimes but nothing I'd describe as "talking like shit" he's basically a good kid and I had even commented on how good he's been on the holiday.
We have tried speaking to cousin's Dad ( my brother in law) He tried to sort it out but cousin is not interested. Cousin spent the whole of last weekend with my mother in law so has clearly been brainwashed!
I've advised my son to suck it up, rise above it and move on which I am sure he will do but as for me? I'm livid and confused as to how someone can have a personal vendetta about a child who is in her family regardless of blood whether she likes it or not!

[wheresthelight]

If he is just being an average 10yo then he will be pushing boundaries and being a swine but it is your dp who needs to squash it. Mil needs to keep the hell out of it! Your ds needs to respect your dp and her riding rough shot over stuff will damage their relationship more than ds pushing a fee boundaries!

As for turning cousins against each other - ffs she sounds like a petty vindictive witch!!!

I would go back to no contact hun for all your sakes!!

Please tell me that your dp stood up for you and told his psycho mum to shut up

[impatienceisavirtue]

DH's kids speak to him like shit and it infuriates me on his behalf - little we can do as his mother actively encourages it and puts their disgusting attitude down to 'oh, DSS is a nutter isn't he LOL' and 'you know what teenagers are like' and treats it as acceptable. So whilst not condoning it I can sort of see why maybe mil erupted.

I cannot, however, possibly understand what she then said after, no matter how fed up she was. What an absolutely horrendous thing to say to a kid. My ten year old would be devastated. Hope your ds is as ok as can be and I am outraged for you and your ds that he was also told not to tell you.

Dramatic as it may sound it is not appropriate to be telling kids not to tell their mothers things of that nature - it is not acceptable to be teaching kids that it's ok to hide things that upset them from their parents, it can be downright dangerous.