Issues with new partner's son.

[muchtooshy]

I have been dating a man for about 7 months now and he has a son who has just turned 8. I was in no way involved in the break up of the marriage as I met him 4 years after the divorce. His son lives with his mother (the ex wife) and sees his dad almost every weekend and 3 to 5 tea times a week.

I met his son after 4 months and I don't have children of my own (I am infertile) so it is all new to me.

Yesterday I was around for tea with my BF and his son and it was just a normal meal. We were chatting and his son asked if he could call me mum. His dad stepped in and said it wouldn't be fair on his real mum.

I don't know what to make of all this. Is it a bad sign that the son has asked this so early? I know his mum would hate it and probably stop contact if she knew. I am seeing them both tomorrow and I don't know how to act now.

[purpleroses]

I wouldn't worry about it really. It's nice that be feels fond of you and asked, but I think your BF handled it well in letting him know gently that it's a name generally reserved for just one person.

I'd just carry on as you were with him. Sounds like you're doing fine.

[brdgrl]

I agree with purple - just carry on. He may have been testing the waters...he may feel confused and wonder if its expected of him now...he may have wanted you to know he is happy to have you around...Best not to make anything more of it, I think.

[muchtooshy]

I don't want to make it into a big deal but I don't want to dismiss his feelings either if you see what I mean. He brought it up again yesterday when I saw him. He said he wants me to be his step mum.

It just seems early for that sort of thing. I would have probably expected it more in a child of 3/4 but he is 8.

[Alita7]

I agree with Natasha, he is probably trying to understand what your role is.
Carry on as normal, it's a good sign that he wants you to be a part of his life rather than shouting you're not my mum or something like :p

[MumOfTheMoos]

In my experience he's just trying to work out his relationship to you and has a not unsurprisingly limited vocabulary to describe it.

To put it in context, my parents married when I was about 4 or 5 (this was the 70's so quite rare in those days); I remember turned round to my Dad and asking him if I should have been calling him. uncle until then (those were the days when all your patents friends were known as uncle or auntie), after all if he wasn't married to my Mummy the he wasn't really my Daddy, was he?

[purpleroses]

If you're not comfortable with it then you could tell him that step mums are married to your dad and for now you're just dad's girlfriend. Even at 8 it can be hard for kids to understand early stages relationships. They only really have the model of mums and dads in their heads. I remember spelling it out to my DD when she was about 7 and had met my DP that adults often took a year or two to decide if they were right for each other and that DP and I were still getting to know each other. She was staggered at the idea that it could take that long to get to know each other. A year is such a long time in a child's life.