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Step-parenting

Shared Residency - Changing School Issue

52 replies

2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 21:18

Need some advice please regarding school applications and changing schools. It's a little confusing but I will try and keep it concise and hope you can follow it through... This is on behalf of my DH/DSD.

DSD goes to school in Town A. This is where the old family home is. Her school application was made by her Mother, who stayed in the old family home after they separated. Town A is very small, 1 Infant School which DSD attends, 1 Junior school 1 Secondary school.

My DH and I and the children live in Town B, which is nearby Town A - about a 5 min drive, but not walkable.

EX has said she is moving to Town C which is about a 20 min drive from the school in Town A and a 25 min drive from us.

We have DSD half the time, half of school days and half of weekends and holidays averaged out over the year.

We have to apply for DSD's Junior School place in a few months. Ex wants her to go to the Junior School in Town A and DH would like her to go to the Junior school which is literally right next to our house in Town B.

Both schools are lovely. The one near us has a better Ofsted report and is very sought after, it also has better facilities (a pool etc) and performs better against national averages in English, Maths and SATS but I won't lie, they are both very good schools generally. The primary in Town C is dire and both DH and EX agree it's not an option.

Ex's argument is that almost all of the kids at DSD's Infant school will go to the Junior school (literally next door to her current school but a totally separate school) this is because there is only 1 in the village.

DH's argument is that it will benefit DSD to have one of her two homes right by her school rather than neither and to be able to walk to school 50% of the time rather than having to drive every day. Ex will have to drive regardless of which school she goes to and as I don't drive sometimes when DH is working I have to get a taxi which is a pain (but of course we appreciate that is not Ex's problem as such and a small consideration in comparison).

Also, because EX is moving to Town C there is zero chance of DSD getting into Town A's secondary school from either of our addresses and there isn't a decent one where EX is moving to so DSD will be going to the secondary school near our house when the time comes- all the kids from our local Junior school go to our local Secondary school. Basically she either leaves her friends at the end of infants or at the end of Juniors. She knows lots of kids at our local school already anyway as we go to church and she does Rainbows, dance class etc at the school itself.

The other issue is that DSS is one year below DSD. DH thinks he should stay at the infants for the extra year until it is time for him to move to the Juniors and then join his sister at the Juniors near us. This means 1 school year of having to drop to two schools but they start and finish 15 mins apart and EX will be driving anyway so will only be an extra 5 min drive.

Sorry it's complicated - what do you all think? Honest opinions appreciated. I do of course (true step mum style) keep out of it all in real life!

Anyone know what happens if they can't decide/agree? Is it just down to which parent makes the application to which school? Should DH make an application for a Specific Issue Order or should he wait and see if EX does?

THANKYOU!

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 21:22

What is DSD's primary address and would she get into school B from her mum's address or only from your address?

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 21:23

And no, I don't think one child can have two school application forms from each of its parents.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 21:37

DSD doesn't have a "primary" address as in a main address as they live with each of us the same amount of time. Both our home addresses are on her Infant school records. What factor decides primary address?

She could only get into the Junior school near us from our address. She can get into the Junior school next to her current Infant school from either address as they are given priority based on having attended the Infants.

EX has said she thinks if it gets to Court then she will "win" as the Court will think that it is best for DSD to go to the Juniors next to the infants, which sounds like it makes sense when you don't consider the logistics or the secondary school issues.

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fedupbutfine · 12/07/2014 21:50

are the schools in the same local authority? If so, only one application made and that would (usually) be by the person named as the PWC (decided by who claims Child Benefit or who has the right to claim Child Benefit). If the NRP wants a different school to the PWC then he/she will need to make an application to court.

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FreeSpirit89 · 12/07/2014 21:53

Put both school A and B on the forms, and let the chips fall where they may.if there both good schools, why not.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 21:54

OK. Well DH gets the Child Benefit for DSD. I just see it being a HUGE problem in a few months. If they can't agree, and I don't see how they will then you think DH should just go ahead and make the application for what he wants and wait and see if EX applies to Court? That seems to be the sort of action that will go down like a lead balloon at Court :(

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 21:55

Thing is Free Spirit if we are pretty much 100% guaranteed to get whichever school is listed as first choice..

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 21:57

Yeah, what Fedup says. Who receives the child benefit? What address is used for her GP registration?

So far, I would expect the default to be her mum's address for the application.

"DSD will be going to the secondary school near our house when the time comes-"

You will need to look into this nearer the time as her primary address may need to change to yours to allow this to happen.

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 21:58

Ah, x-post. So if DH gets the child benefit then you do have a real choice.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 21:58

Thanks BillnTeds - Its our home address for her Child Benefit but EX's address for GP, although when she moves it will have to change as neither parent will live int he GP's catchment area.

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 21:59

I think you should agree it, or go to court if necessary, before any form is filed. It would be awful if two forms were somehow filed and you got neither through some kind of mix up.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 22:00

I guess DH needs to prepare for the fact that his EX is likely to apply to Court if he insists on the school near us. Keep the emails he has sent trying to discuss it. Ultimately though if she wants one and he wants the other how do the Courts decide?

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fedupbutfine · 12/07/2014 22:01

if he technically is the PWC then it's his choice - it would be up to the NRP to contest it. It might be worth posting on wikivorce to see what they say there was their membership has vast experience. I can see why it might get messy and the potential problems if it ends up in court. Seeking out some legal advice now might be sensible.

Would she get in either school A or B from your address? Sought after schools often have very small catchment areas so even if it's your local school, if you're not on the doorstep you might not get her in.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 22:08

Yes she'd get into Junior school A (next to her current Infants) as the first priority goes to children at the Infants regardless of distance and she'd get into the Junior school next to our house as we are literally a few doors down.

It's so hard. DH tries very hard to keep things amicable and be a good "co parent". He often lets things slide, gives in to EX to keep the peace etc but this is one thing he feels strongly about.

Anyone had experience of a contested school application at Court? What factors did the Court use to decide?

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 22:12

Do you get the CB for both children?

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fedupbutfine · 12/07/2014 22:14

I would assume they'll look at continuity for the child and then ease of access for the parents against any particular needs of the child that the school can provide (a budding Olympic swimmer might be better in the school with the pool, for example). It would probably need to go to mediation and ultimately, a judge doesn't know the child and what might be best for her. I would guess in the first instance that School A looks the better option but the longer term argument is valid. Why is mum moving? is it essential for her?

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 22:23

She's been offered a Council property in Town C. So she doesn't have much option. Just seems daft to send a child to a school in a town neither of their parents live in! :)

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 22:24

NO BIllnTeds DH gets Child Benefit for DSD his Ex gets it for younger DSS.

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 22:26

Ok. So that might be an issue when it comes to picking DSS's school as his primary address will then be town C and he will only be eligible for school A as a current pupil.

Is it worth trying to resolve with a mediator?

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fedupbutfine · 12/07/2014 22:28

that really complicates the issue, doesn't it? I agree, mediation is probably the only way forward or ask a judge to decide but your DH might not like that outcome.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 22:32

Thanks for all the advice! DSS would get into the school next to us if DSD was there as they have sibling priority before distance from school, so he would get priority there even if the application was made from EX's new address.

DH has tried mediation with Ex before, she won't go. She prefers the "scream at him til he gives in" method of co parenting...

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BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 12/07/2014 22:44

Wow, this is very hard. The good thing is that the "technical addresses" don't affect the outcome.

If she won't go to mediation on this, I think a judge would be less happy than if she tried to resolve outside court.

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2plus4nospaceformore · 12/07/2014 23:01

Thank you all. I don't know what's going to happen. The hassle and stress of Court doesn't appeal to anyone does it! But DH can't always give in to her against what he thinks is best for the children.

Ultimately what's the point of children going to to school in a town neither parent lives in. It's not even halfway, by the time she's driven there from her now house she's almost to the school near our house!

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Alita7 · 12/07/2014 23:13

I agree with your logic personally.

Has anyone asked dsd which she'd prefer to do, explaining the pros and cons of this in a way she can understand?

I'd just go ahead and make the application, explaining exactly why to her Mum, as I agree it's easier to move to a school with new people when you're younger.

If she makes a court application then I think you have a good case.

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fedupbutfine · 12/07/2014 23:23

This is not a decision for a young child to make, nor would it be acceptable, in my opinion, to place any kind of pressure on her to make a decision. God only knows how she would process it and it is, ultimately, a decision that will mean going against the wishes of one of her parents. It's just wrong to ask that of an infant-school child.

I think your husband needs to ask for mediation - again - on the issue and do it in a formal way eg. by recorded delivery letter so that if he ends up in court, he is able to demonstrate that he has been reasonable. I would also set out in that letter what his thinking is and what he believes to be the thinking of his ex. He then should explain what he believes is the best option and suggest mediation if she feels differently.

And before that, I would pay for legal advice to be 100% secure that it's OK to be making the application as the PWC on the basis of claiming Child Benefit. You then need to be aware that the fall out may be massive and there is an additional child to consider where you are not in the driving seat so working on a compromise is in everyone's best interests.

Out of interest, is there any reason why mum's choice might be the better choice for the young child?

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