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Step-parenting

Children and food.

37 replies

mosaicone · 01/07/2014 17:17

I wrote a long post earlier explaining that my soon to be step children eat nothing. Whenever I cook they turn their noses up (IN FRONT OF ME) about it.
My own kids are quite adventurous so for example, lamb kebabs, falafel and pitta and hummus is a normal meal, but the sc loudly said things like "ugh" "its not my kind of food" "it tastes funny" at the dinner table etc.
I was coming on to complain and say I dont know what to feed them when I realised my kids will prob have to sacrifice their tastebuds instead.
There is no way I can get my dsc to eat what mine eat. Simple. But I suppose it wouldnt be out of the question for mine to eat plain pasta, (reeeealy struggling to think of what else they like!) and pizza whenever they are here.
I just hate cooking that food and am a bit Blush that I have been asking bf to cook for all kids when theyre all here as I am out of ideas. Everything I suggest is met with distain and when I do cook, it is left by them but eaten by my own which means it cant be that Im an awful cook, its just different taste buds.
Has anyone conquered this problem without ww3? And any ideas for really plain food - theyll eat pasta but one will eat with tomato sauce - one wont etc.
They dont "do" vegetables and are very fussy about meat.
No spice.

And please, I am not trying to be a bitch here, I am genuinely stressed over meal times when they are here as I want meal times to be nice!!!

Wine

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WestEast · 01/07/2014 17:25

You are going to efforts I wouldn't go to! My DSD has what we have pretty much, obviously not a vindaloo, she's five, but if we're having meat and two veg for tea, that's what she's given. She's expected to try it and to make a good effort. If she doesn't like it, that's fair enough, she can have weetabix or something instead and I wouldn't cook what I had done for her again, but would try something else.

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NatashaBee · 01/07/2014 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazykat · 01/07/2014 17:30

You have my sympathies I thought my DSD was bad but she wasn't that bad.

Rarer than give your DCs boring food just give them what you normally would and make your dscs plain pasta.

They'll either get bored of the same thing and start trying what you have or they'll carry on eating pasta.

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alwaystryingtobeafriend · 01/07/2014 17:41

I am the most fussy eater ever and only like plain food. My mum used to go nuts but eventually started making me meals and as I got older I would cook for myself.

I would typically eat - macaroni cheese ( DPs kids love this and they like adventurous food too), any kind of 'roast dinner' , sausages, burger, baked potatoes, homemade soup. I don't eat pizza or anything but if they do- could you not make 2 different pizzas from scratch (or get them involved) I find with DPs kids if they can help make it then they will eat it. But if they are older they may not be interested. What about pasta n sauces- you get loads of different kinds and if it looks not much then add some more pasta to it.

We are having a similar issue where DSS won't eat potatoes - I make them with almost everything so I try to disguise them but I have struck a deal with him- that he has to tell me what he wants instead that isn't junk ie frozen chips!! We now give him pasta with just about everything but he's happy. Have you asked the kids what thy want? X

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mosaicone · 01/07/2014 17:44

Im just Blush at making plain pasta when mine are eating something else (dont get me wrong, Im not exactly exotic in food, but they do like mexican, paella, fish etc).
Have only just managed to get dsd1 to eat a roast dinner as bf made her pasta when we were having a roast once, so embarrassing (was at my mums).
I could try "my kids are having this - if you dont want it, cheese toasty it is" but to me that is pandering to fussiness and still cooking seperate meals. I think the only answer is that we do one very plain meal a week, one pizza (which suits us on Fridays as we are so so busy with 3 out of 5 at clubs) and one "decent" meal that their dad cooks.
Things like jacket potatoes where everyone chooses their topping would be good but dsd isnt "a potato person" (her words!!!!)

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mosaicone · 01/07/2014 17:46

yes Ive asked them - they say they only really like pizza. I am not exaggerating.
We have managed so far as my bf didnt live with me, but hes moving in soon and the only thing Im freaking out about is the food.
You wouldnt believe what an amazing cook he is, oh the food he creates. But unfortunately the kids mum has various eating disorders/habits and they have picked up on that (developing a fear of something without ever tasting it - actually dsd1 has this about a lot of things but thats for another post!)

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alwaystryingtobeafriend · 01/07/2014 17:56

Aww that's so crap- but maybe just say I'm making this - if you don't want it you can have cereal or a sandwich/toastie. I wouldn't be going to far out my way to appease them. I would imagine they would soon get fed up having cereal for dinner. Xx

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TheMumsRush · 01/07/2014 17:59

How old are they? Sorry if I missed that. Rather than throw them in at the deep end, maybe start introducing a few thing on the side. I've been here and got a t shirt for it but have found that what they tell me they eat at home and what mum actually gives them can be quit different. I'm sure my dsc don't only eat pizza, chips and chicken nuggets

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Sleepyhoglet · 01/07/2014 18:02

I think their age is important- over 9ish and they are rude

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mosaicone · 01/07/2014 18:03

I'm sure mine do!! But yeah, I'll all them tomorrow what apart from pizza they eat. Though I imagine their mum has trouble feeding them.
We will be having them one week night, every Friday and eow so I can't serve that up all the time.
They're 13 and 10, don't think I said so.
I think I'll try and keep it plain, give them the option of toast instead - or make it their dad's job. He'd have to feed them if they weren't here,and he knows mine will eat anything whatever they're bloody given I guess I'm just worrying prematurely!

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mosaicone · 01/07/2014 18:05

The 13 year old is very very young for her age and is very routine orientated, everything comes with a million questions and god forbid if things go differently to how she thinks they will. This comes across in her approach to food too.

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crazykat · 01/07/2014 18:20

Offer them what you're having or plain pasta/cereal/toast. Don't feel bad about it, its not your fault they won't try other food. Changing what everyone else eats to their limited diet would be pandering to fussiness.

At their age they're old enough to at least try new things.

Yes they'll likely get bored of the same food all the time but that's the idea. Hopefully they'll get fed up of the same boring food that they'll try what everyone else is having.

Don't feel bad about it and don't stress about it.

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mosaicone · 01/07/2014 18:22

Thanks crazykat :) I guess Im just looking for ideals that are near impossible with blended families

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TheMumsRush · 01/07/2014 19:04

For the amount of time they visit, I would just tone down your meals slightly and let them adjust. But don't start cooking two sets of meals. You will only make a rod for your own back

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purpleroses · 01/07/2014 19:06

Ours aren't too bad but all a bit fussy in different ways. But like you I found there was quite a difference betweeen the style of eating we were used to and the one that DP did with his DCs when we first started blending families. I think we've all made some compromises.

The best style of cooking to do is one where they can each mix up what they like. Eg

  • Tortillas with spicy bean mix, chicken, salsa, cheese, etc - or just plain cheese if fussy
  • jacket potatoes with spicy bean mix or baked beans
  • homeade pizza where they put their own toppings on - or buy the basics type which have very little on and add your own toppings
  • mild curry with rice and spicy pickles for those who like - or just rice for really fussy kids.
  • pitta bread, dips and salad veg

    Ie don't cook separate meals for the DSC, but allow them to see your DCs (and you and DP) eating things they're suspicious of, will gradually encourage more confidence with trying new food.

    And yes to plain toast being on offer always to those who won't eat what's been offered.

    At 10 and 13 you can be getting them to cook too - I sometimes set them to cook a meal they like (with a little help if needed, but minimal) but give provisos that it has to contain at least one form of protein and at least two types of vegetables.

    What has your DP been making for them before you came along? If they're having to get used to moving into a new house, I'd be inclined to go a bit easy on them the first few weeks. Won't do your own DCs any harm to have some child-friendly bland food once a week. What about fishfingers and chips? Beans on toast? Sausage and chips? You've got the other 6 nights a week to keep your own used to a bigger variety.

    I also try to get mine to distinguish between things they REALLY don't like and things they're just not that big on but will eat if necessary. We have a list on the wall of what vegetables they'll eat and they can put a big tick by the ones they like and a small tick for those they'll tolerate. They get a bit competative about who's got most ticks, which is helpful. It also helps if you have a child who's fickle about things as you can point to the list and say "look, it says you like XXX"
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FunkyBoldRibena · 01/07/2014 19:11

I had this with DSD. She would eat anything as long as it was bland. Her one saving grace - brocolli.

I'd recommend having lovely spicy meals with you and your family, and just letting the boyfriend sort her out. Otherwise it will be 10 years of making two sets of meals. If she feels she is missing out on fun family time it might encourage her to eat your food but don't count on it.

I did get DSD to write down 10 things she liked and so did that for her whilst slipping a few veg in where I could. Ridiculously enough, she would cadge pilau rice off her dad's plate when nobody was looking but would never ever have eaten it off hers. A right PITA with knobs on.

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ChiefBillyNacho · 01/07/2014 19:24

I made things both liked or slightly adapted (eg dd would have mash, dsd potato shapes). Or different meals. I figured that for a couple of nights a fortnight I was happy to do that for dsd.

It was part of a bigger picture thing though, I wouldn't normally advocate different meals, and with dd I was very much an eat it or go hungry type mum.

And with hindsight now I stand by my decision, different meals when I had to were the right thing for my circumstances.

Could you ask them to write a list of different meals they like?

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MummyA1984 · 01/07/2014 21:32

I feel for you! My ss is a nightmare with food. We see him sporadically so it's not a huge issue, but still annoying! I often suggest we eat out so everyone can order what they want but that gets expensive plus our kids would feel like we treat them to tea out only when ss visits which isn't fair.

My kids sound to be similar to yours, they like different things and know no other way than eating healthily. My sil has had similar trouble with her ds too and it's really rubbing off on her daughter now and going through the whole "if she doesn't eat it why should I" phase. Makes life difficult!

I think purple roses had made good suggestions. If you get or make pizza bases then put out little bowls of cheese, chopped ham, tomatoes, salami, sweet corn etc then the kids could choose and make their own? Also you could do similar with the other suggestions? It is hard work tho! I feel for you. Glad this isn't an issue I have to deal with every day. My ss literally spits out food of dh makes him taste it. It's pathetic really, he's 8 as well so not a baby. Last time he visited he had crisps for lunch, a lolly, a nice pop, a biscuit then wouldn't eat tea, next day crisps for lunch.... I just left him to dh and made it clear that it wouldn't happen again. My dd is 3 and she says what a fussy eater he is and tuts luckily so she's not planning to follow suit! X

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ziggy13 · 01/07/2014 23:00

I sympathise. I have the exact same problem with DSS(15) who is very limited when it comes to food. I agree with posters saying it is easier to do the types of food that can be adapted depending on taste, so pizzas with a choice of toppings, potatoes ect. I also sometimes just cook what i normally would and keep a portion separate for him and don't add anything to it. For example, if we were having pasta bake, I would just keep a portion of plain pasta for him. If we were having spicy chicken kebabs then he would just get some plain chicken that I haven't flavoured.

Tbh it is a bit of a PITA and sometimes he will have a completely separate meal if he won't eat any of it. However, he has serious problems with food and struggles with eating anyway. The motto around here is as a long as he eats something it doesn't matter what it is (he has put himself in hospital before after refusing to eat!!).

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brdgrl · 01/07/2014 23:28

I was basically going to say what purple has said. No to separate meals, but choosing meals that can be self-adapted or presented with an option that is no additional effort to you.
This is essentially what I do anyway but in our house it is because the two DSC are older and are the more adventurous eaters, while DD is four and prefers bland or familiar options. She has a lot of repetition on her menu!
When it is the teen DSC who don't like the meal on offer, their choice is toast/cheese on toast, or sometimes if it is because we are getting a takeaway they don't care for, they'll fix themselves pasta and eat it separately.

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twizzleship · 02/07/2014 01:54

no advice re the food front....but i think you and your dp need to teach them some manners AND table manners.

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nooka · 02/07/2014 02:08

My dd was a very fussy plain eater, so I share your pain, but just wanted to say that it's not necessarily their mum's fault, as I brought up my two children in exactly the same way and dd was a nightmare about eating anything vaguely unfamiliar or saucey. We found the help yourself approach the best for diffusing tensions (mostly mine, I like interesting food!) and she grew out of it and now is more adventurous than ds who has become more fussy. She is also a much better cook, very good with seasoning, so possibly has supertasting tendencies.

It sounds as if the older girl has some wider issues perhaps on the AS, anxiety or sensory scale which can really exacerbate food issues. Probably not worth doing anything other than provide reassuring options with access to more interesting food when she feels able to cope. My brother's step daughter (also 13) has a very restricted diet. She is coming to visit us this summer and we are just going to take her to the supermarket and have her choose 'safe' food and then feed herself. Feels very inhospitable!

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mosaicone · 02/07/2014 18:56

Older one certainly has some kind of issues, I don't know, I've tried to suggest ways of helping.

I've spoken to her tonight and have ascertained two things: she only eats pasta when at home, and her mum cooks two different meals every night, one for each child. I can't believe it, no wonder it's been so hard.

They also expect dessert every night [hmmm]

So yes the meals we can adapt individually, the pizza, baked potatoes ( even though elder one doesn't eat potatoes) pasta, wraps etc. Loads of shitty white carbs when they're here, and mine will stick to their stuff when it's just them.

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shey02 · 03/07/2014 09:16

Food is really to important to us as a household. We're very active and I was raised with a mother who is a fantastic cook and to me cooking for my kids is showing love and caring for them. They eat everything we do, no separate meals ever, indian, asian, salads, mediterranean, meat, veggie whatever. One dc picks out peppers, but that's it for fussiness thank god. That's not only a healthy interest/appreciation for food, but also for life and culture I feel. Every night without fail my dc will say thanks mom, that was really nice.

Dp's dc are addicted to beans, bread, sausages, bacon.... I no longer cook for them. They are very rude, when I have catered for them in the past cooking separate meals (which I did for over a year), they show no appreciation, complain and look at the food like it is shit (even beans on toast, which tbh should look the same regardless of who prepares it?) I know tell dp what I am cooking when they are around and ask him to do something for them if he suspects they won't eat it. However, lately I am starting to suspect that some of it may be an act for us to make our lives harder.... Hmm

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mosaicone · 03/07/2014 12:20

I sat all kids together last night and got them to agree on ay least 7 meals they would all eat. God kids are selfish! But they did it and then all tucked into pasta with sauce and bacon. Had I cooked for my dcs no way would i use a jar, but you know what? This is not the be all and end all and I'm making life too difficult by cooking from scratch and throwing it away. I felt relaxed last night and was so happy to see 5 children eating together with no fuss.

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