Why is this my responsibility?

(58 Posts)
needaholidaynow Sat 09-Nov-13 10:24:07

I have booked a day off work on Monday and I was going to take DS1 and DS2 out with my mum to the local farm. We've been really looking forward to it since we made the arrangement this week and it will be a nice catch up as we haven't seen my mum for a few weeks due to her long working hours.

Anyway, DSD has just been on holiday to America with PIL for 2 weeks and they are due to fly home tomorrow, landing tomorrow morning. Her mum has just thrown the bombshell that she'll be keeping DSD off school on Monday, but has told us that we have to look after her due to her going to work. My DP has got an all day interview on Monday from morning until mid afternoon. So both parents are busy, so guess who's left? Me.

I've told DP I'm not happy with this and that I am NOT cancelling my plans. He's suggested that I take DSD with me on Monday, but I firmly told him that if she is too tired to go to school then she's too tired to go for a fun day out with me.

I've told him to sort it out. Either her mum has a day off work or he rearranges the interview (the latter probably not as easy as the former!) I also asked him what the hell they would do if I was at work, and to act as if I'm still in available, because I'm not having the day ruined because of someone else's decisions.

angry

needaholidaynow Sat 09-Nov-13 10:32:51

Sorry, they are due to fly home tonight, landing tomorrow morning.

FannyFifer Sat 09-Nov-13 10:34:26

Continue with your plans, I would not bring her on day out as she should be at school.

flowerpotgirl12 Sat 09-Nov-13 11:34:13

I think you should continue your plans also. it's unfair to expect you to change the plans and disappoint your kids and mum because dsd's mum has decided she can't go to school. it should be up to her parents to sort out. you don't want to get in the habit of doing whatever they want when they want or it's impossible to stop, trust me, I started out doing a favour and now it's expected to the point of ridiculousness

RandomMess Sat 09-Nov-13 11:36:50

If it's her Mum refusing to send her to school then it's her mum's problem. I suggest dh tells her that he does not agree with her having the day off school - the sooner she gets back into the UK time zone the better!

Handbagsonnhold Sat 09-Nov-13 11:37:27

So the mother hasn't seen her for 2 weeks and then says you 'have' to have her....hhhmmmmm

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 09-Nov-13 11:38:20

If she wants her DD to have another day off school, then she can take the day off work. How utterly rude to decide to keep the child off then expect someone else to look after her... as for your DH hmm

ProphetOfDoom Sat 09-Nov-13 11:39:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UC Sat 09-Nov-13 11:45:46

She should go to school.

Your DH is enabling his exW. He needs to stand up to her - tell her he has an interview, you have plans and if she's working, DSD must go to school (where she should be anyway). If her mum decides she cannot go to school, she needs to sort out who looks after her.

A day of being tired at school will not harm her.

allnewtaketwo Sat 09-Nov-13 11:49:27

Agree with the others - stand firm and do not change your plans. I too would refuse to bring a child on a day out, when they should be in school

Heymacarena Sat 09-Nov-13 11:54:35

It isn't your responsibility.

1 - she should be going to school - get back into the routine
2- if not, then seeing as mum made the decision, then she takes the day off work and spends time with her dd who she hasn't seen for 2 weeks.

Tell your DH that you have plans for that day - so he needs to tell his ex to sort it out herself.

Floggingmolly Sat 09-Nov-13 11:57:34

If she arrives on your doorstep, escort her into school and continue with your day as planned. Her mother sounds like a loon.

MatryoshkaDoll Sat 09-Nov-13 11:59:32

Absolutely not your problem. You already have plans so can't help out, sorry.

She should be in school anyway. If her parents want to keep her off then they need to sort it out between them.

Go and gave a lovely day with your mum and boys.

CaptainSweatPants Sat 09-Nov-13 12:00:38

If she's very tired could she stay with pil as they're all coming back from holiday together?

marriedinwhiteisback Sat 09-Nov-13 12:04:47

How old is she? Why has she been abroad outside half term? Sounds like her mother thinks school is a form of childcare rather than a place to learn. I think she should go to school or her PIL should look after her or her mother. I assume this isn't a usual contact day though.

NatashaBee Sat 09-Nov-13 12:07:55

YANBU at all. If she comes back tomorrow morning and someone keeps her busy during the day so she can't nap, she should manage school the next day. And if she can't, then that's not your problem!

needaholidaynow Sat 09-Nov-13 12:24:33

Oh it's annoyed me big time! The holiday was just a normal holiday, not a special one to see family abroad to anything. So if we get a fine or anything it will most likely again be me who has to sort it out. PIL won't pay it because they'll say "why should we?" Because they're not her parents, her mum won't because it wasn't her parents that took her and DP can't because he's unemployed. Which leaves the employed stepmum to foot the bill. Anyway, that's another thread altogether!

As far as I know, PIL are back at work on Monday. I think it's a good lesson for children to learn really, that its a reality that good things come to an end and sometimes you need to get right back in to the everyday boring stuff without moping around wishing you didn't have to go back. I can see family holidays in the future: I send the boys back to school after a nice holiday and I have to keep DSD off for the day by her mum's requests because she's too tired.

needaholidaynow Sat 09-Nov-13 12:24:51

She's 8 by the way.

RandomMess Sat 09-Nov-13 12:31:25

Why on earth did anyone agree to the PILS taking her out of school confused

Moxiegirl Sat 09-Nov-13 12:38:24

That's what gets me about dp's xw, she makes a decision and we end up implementing it!
She is choosing to keep her off so she should be looking after her. Ideally she should go to school.

needaholidaynow Sat 09-Nov-13 12:51:07

RandomMess Oh I'm agreement with you. All I know is that she won't be going with them next year because this holiday has caused so many problems you wouldn't even believe. Problems with getting permission from school, MIL expecting us and DSD's mum to buy all of DSD's holiday clothes- from Next shock, just to give a couple of examples.

allnewtaketwo Sat 09-Nov-13 13:07:44

Are these he same PIL that spoil your DSC but pretty much ignore yours? Sorry if I've confused you with someone else

Thants Sat 09-Nov-13 13:12:55

Why does she want her to have a day off on Monday?
Just take her to school!

ZombieMojaveWonderer Sat 09-Nov-13 14:55:42

This really makes me mad. Your step child's mother should take the day off and look after her own child. You would think she would want to see her after she had been away too.

needaholidaynow Sat 09-Nov-13 16:20:18

allnew Yeah it's me I'm afraid.

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