I'm talking about discipline more than anything.
We're having some issues with ds's stepmum, whom he has only known for about a year and a bit, and he only sees them once a month.
She is very - well his dad calls it 'blunt', but actually I'm hearing what she has said second hand, through ds, and some of the comments seem really cruel.
I approached ex about it as ds didn't want to see her any more (he still wants to see his dad). Ex said she just treats them all the same way, he's sure I have a temper, she doesn't even think about it etc. But I feel that she has no place saying some of these things.
I suppose as his parent who has been there with him since day 1 (he is 10 now) I can say harsh things when I am pissed off with him, and he knows it is in a context of absolute love and care for him and therefore it does not grate so much as say, a teacher saying the same, or, in fact, his step mum.
Two examples - telling him he wouldn't pass his 11+ (said in quite a resigned, dismissive way apparently) two weeks before he took it - and then yesterday, saying (when he was full up at dinner time) that if he didn't finish his dinner, she would give his special sweets he had only just been bought as a treat, to someone else.
His dad noticed this comment and stepped in saying he didn't have to finish it. (neither of them knew that he was actually feeling sick, he had gone to the loo to call me and tell me but didn't feel able to tell them).
I think his dad was on the look out as we had discussed how ds feels about her so I am grateful to him for standing up for ds on that point. Not that I think children should be allowed sweets before they finish but to threaten to remove them entirely was horrible.
Anyway what are people's thoughts on this - should she act the same as she would for her other children (who are much older now) or should she moderate it a bit because he doesn't know she loves him, well, because she doesn't - I don't mean handle him with kid gloves, but I do expect a modicum of kindness and NOT to have some mean comment directed at him every single time.
Maybe if she treats them all like that it is more a matter of her general attitude, not the fact it's him or them. I don't know.
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Step-parenting
Is it right to treat your children and step children the same in every way?
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PatoBanton · 07/10/2013 15:42
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