Absolutely unbelievable DSD is taking the p**s!!!

(109 Posts)
louby44 Wed 18-Sep-13 18:34:20

So DP eldest DD15 has blanked him for 2 months. He's made a bit of progress with DD13 and took her out for lunch on Saturday which he really enjoyed but DD15 refused to go. She did speak to her dad for 5 minutes though.

She has just text him to ask if he can put £25 in her bank account!!
Her mum won't add any more as she already gives her £40 a month and a further £50 every 3 months (for clothes).

DP hasn't even replied to her. I cannot believe that she has the cheek to text her dad to ask for money, it just sums her up!

She should pack in smoking and learn to budget.

LtEveDallas Sat 21-Sep-13 10:32:24

Sorry OP, cross posted. Sounds like CAMHS is the way to go, but don't expect miracles. Your best hope is that DSD 2 is just copying DSD 1, and that a firm hand and counselling now will help to nip it in the bud.

Otherwise, I'm sorry, but all I can suggest is 'time'. My DSD was pretty horrible between 14-16, but she did come through (in all areas except cash). And thinking about it, I was a pretty rotten 14 year old, so maybe time is what you need.

louby44 Sat 21-Sep-13 10:52:24

Dallas thank you thanks you seem to have a measure of our situation.

DP text his DD15 last night to tell her a friend of his had been killed on his way to work yesterday (DD knows the deceased son). He wanted to make her see that life is short and that family is important etc.

The texting quickly became an argument; she has turned into a real nasty piece of work. Goading her dad, telling him his attempts to win her back with cards, flowers and apologies have all failed. She was basically laughing at him. She has considered coming to stay but not if I'm here!! He told her that we both love her and miss her and she is welcome here anytime.

It meant nothing! She doesn't care. She told her dad to stop texting her. She is digging herself a bigger and bigger hole. She put on Facebook that she has no parents.

This girl needs help!

randomAXEofkindness Sat 21-Sep-13 12:33:45

"Some kids need to realise that they need to 'give' to 'get'.

Cold. Even Peter Singer, the philosopher who argues for a 'tit-for-tat' based society, makes an exception of the family circle.

LtEveDallas Sat 21-Sep-13 12:36:45

Oh Hell Louby, that's harsh. She certainly needs help. Can DH and his Ex be civil? Could they work together to solve this one? I really think that a joint effort will be needed here - because it's not just her dad she is railing at is it?

I'm afraid I know very little about CAHMS etc. My DSD was a cow, but never this bad and never violent, and I'm lucky with DD, she's pretty even tempered. Doesn't the SS have the ability to help in situations like this? There has to be someone on here who would know more - how about posting in Teenagers?

LtEveDallas Sat 21-Sep-13 12:50:39

RandomAxe (apt nickname). If you don't give other people love, attention, respect, kindness, hope, attention, pity, warmth, engagement, trust and on and on - you can't expect to get it back.

OPs DSD is throwing back all her fathers attempts. Pretty soon there will be nothing left for him to give. And he will give up. She needs to understand that, needs to realise that she will end up with no-one and nothing is she continues to be horrible to people, continues to push people away. Even the best of men (and women) won't give all the time for ever.

randomAXEofkindness Sat 21-Sep-13 16:03:25

But I think that's a parents choice lteve not an inevitable fact of life, as it seems to have been portrayed here.

If my dd acted in the way this dsd has I would be absolutely beside myself, but I would never give up on her. On the contrary, this girl needs help more than most. My love, respect and support for my children is unconditional: it isn't dependent on her behaviour towards me. And I'm certainly nowhere close to 'the best of men.."

louby44 Sat 21-Sep-13 16:14:30

Yes I'm pushing him to join with his ex to make a united front. They are fairly civil now with each other.

But its whether or not the DD will go to some sort of counselling. He's told his ex to cut off the money she gives to them. She's giving them money every month and they abuse her by swearing and being aggressive. She needs to hit them where it hurts.

LtEveDallas Sat 21-Sep-13 16:14:58

You may never give up, but plenty would and tbh, I don't think you can say that without any insight into a violent relationship. You don't know how much you can take.

If I had a child that was violent towards me, how much should I take? If I was a battered wife then everyone would be shouting 'leave the bastard'. If I went back for more and more beatings, people would say I was a lost cause. At what point do you apply that same logic to a violent parent child relationship? Some kids are bigger and stronger than their parents at a very early age - my DNephew for example towered over his mother from the age of 13 onwards - if he had violent tendancies he could have killed her I expect.

I love my DD unconditionally. She is the absolute light of my life, but she's 8. If she starts hitting me when she is 10/12/15 I can't say now how I would feel about her then.

I adored DSD, but when she went through the horrible teenage years, as many do, I had to step away from her. Her actions back then changed the relationship we have now. I love her, but not as I did. Maybe OP feels the same and maybe OPs DH will do if his daughter doesn't stop and think about what she is doing.

louby44 Sat 21-Sep-13 17:18:21

He won't give up on them, it took him years to conceive them. He loves them both very much but DSD15 is pushing both her parents to the limit. There is only so much hurt and abuse you can take.

She is angry (I think) about her parents split, the fact that DP moved away to live with me and also her mum's relationship with her partner broke down last October so stability there went. She also began to mix with a new group of friends. Plus the usual teen hormones. All adds up to one unhappy girl.

What worries me is that DSD13 is uniting with her sister and copying her behaviour.

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