Ok, so DSS has been living at his stepdads home now for 6 weeks. We were supposed to have DSS bank holiday weekend but his mum decided that wasn't to be and we were to have him last weekend instead. That wasn't our weekend and the Friday was only the day after I was meant to be induced with DS (I.e. I could still have been in labour when DH was to go collect DSS), which DH had informed his ex about in April after we saw consultant.
DH put his foot down and said no for last weekend and we now have DSS again on what is his weekend anyway. DSS arrives with a letter from his mum saying either DH does a 3.5 hour round trip to bring DSS home or sticks him on a train. This is how it is going to be from now on and DH must decide by Saturday morning. DH and his ex had come to a mutual contact agreement months ago (meet half way) ahead of the big move in the hopes of minimal disruption to DSS. We managed 2 contact weekends on this agreement until now.
DSS has read letter it wasn't in a sealed envelope, and has been told to say certain things to DH by his mum. DSS is stressed that DH has told him that he can't just decide by tomorrow morning as we have plans and he needs to discuss with his mum about arrangements.
DH would put DSS on a train, but engineering works this weekend and would involve 2 bus journeys and a ridiculously long travel time for an 11yo who has never travelled alone on a train before or on this route. Its also his 3rd day at secondary school on Monday and DH doesn't want him getting home too late. I can't believe she didn't check the trains were running before psyching DSS up to do this. DH has to tell DSS that there aren't any direct trains and not as simple as he thinks - dad sees him on train, mum meets him at the other end.
I have my dad over Sunday they are travelling over 5 hours to come for Sunday lunch and meet DS (10 days old born early), everything is arranged, and DH cannot just leave early to take DSS home without lunch having to be cancelled. We are eating out as we also have a 14 month old and I can't cook and play host with 2 infants at home and we only have one car so if DH has it I can't go out at all.
So WWYD? What would you advise my DH in this case?
I am so mad, DSS has had his first weekend with his newborn brother ruined. Instead of enjoying DS tomorrow, DH and DSS are now going to spend most of Saturday trying to come to some arrangement with the ex on how DSS will get home. I am probably going to have to tell my dad and his partner not to bother coming over.
DH wants to try mediation now, but that doesn't solve this weekends dilemma.
I also think mediation will be a waste of time/money I just know this letter idea of the ex was meant to cause upset because we have had another child and DSS has been excited for weeks to be getting a brother. She never writes letters and usually emails/texts in advance of any changes she wants.
I just want to shut myself, DS and DD away in our room until Monday. I am too tired to pretend everything is ok in front of DSS and he doesn't need to see me lose it emotionally and cry which is what I want to do. I really feel for the lad, he doesn't need this crap, this stuff should be kept between his parents.
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15 replies
stepmooster · 07/09/2013 03:43
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