For those of you with teenage step children

(182 Posts)
theredhen Wed 14-Aug-13 12:16:50

What do you do about bedtimes?

Dp has a very early start and normally leaves the house by 6am. He's normally falling asleep by 10pm if we haven't already gone to bed. At the moment he's working 7 days a week.

Dsd2 and ds both take themselves to their rooms about 9.30 in the holidays leaving dp and I with some time without kids.

Dsd1 sits in her room all evening then appears at 9.30pm and sits with us both. Dp and I like our child free time to talk about any issues that have arisen during the day. We have five kids between us, two full time jobs, two troublesome ex's so there can be a lot to talk about and we both agree we need that time to talk every day for the sake of once what was our very fragile relationship.

Dp has said he doesn't know what to do. He has explained to her that we like to have a bit of time to ourselves before we go to bed and has offered her a tv in her room several times to which she always replies she doesn't want one as she doesn't watch tv.

She keeps appearing at 9.30 and parking her bum on the sofa. Dp has been taking her out one to one and trying to treat her more as an adult so feels sending her to her room is sending her the wrong message. Dsd2 and ds seem to manage it without being "told" as I did at that age.

Basically he's struggling to know what to do.

Personally I think he should try and encourage her to sit with us earlier in the evening and then send her off to her room (where she has laptop, phone, books etc) at 9.30 ish like the others.

I know it's very early for some teens but dp and I can't lie in til 11am like they can.

Opinions?

brdgrl Wed 21-Aug-13 18:21:15

My dad was a political scientist. He'd never forgive me if I let a bogus statistical claim go unquestioned! smile

exoticfruits Wed 21-Aug-13 18:29:50

Maybe it is how you were brought up- ChinaCups says she always went up before her parents- I was the opposite and was often the last up. Therefore I was the same with my teens- I made sure they knew what they had to switch off and that they didn't' close doors noisily etc.

I love you brd grin

Kaluki Wed 21-Aug-13 20:26:54

Brdgrl you are a legend smile
Respect!!!

Petal02 Wed 21-Aug-13 20:47:43

I'm with Team Brdgrl smile

brdgrl Wed 21-Aug-13 21:31:10

(hides face in shame)
thanks. smile

Emptychairs Thu 22-Aug-13 08:17:10

There was an interesting phenomenon in our house.
When dsd was still struggling with the new set up (then 12) she would hog couch/TV at ALL TIMES she stayed with us. It was a statement. When dh and I wanted to watch a DVD he'd ask her permission (?!?!) and she'd sullenly gracefully relent, but not budge an inch. I let them at this for a while, interfering only when she didn't let other kids watch/ play Xbox either.
4 years on its suddenly like nothing ever happened, she is considerate, will chat to us and totally respect our bit of adult time, needing to relax an hour or so on the sofa too. There are times we will watch something together, but it has become more natural, nothing forced, nothing superficial. And she's happy to be one of the kids, resident or not, but totally at home. Need to stake claims has disappeared, she will share upstairs "playroom", I.e. pcs, TV/ DVD with all kids present (ds15 and dss12) and when we've gone to bed they all tend to gravitate downstairs anyway in search of food...

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