I'm not sure if I should be posting in here or under mental health. I suppose I'm maybe just after some support and advice from other step mums who have had babies and how to deal with all the changes that come with it.
So to explain from the beginning: I met DP not that long after he had split with his ex, my DS was only a few months old (I'd split with his Dad whilst I was pregnant). DP has two children from his previous relationship and he treats my DS like his own.
I got to know his kids gradually and everything was great, they're lovely kids and we would always have lots of fun together. I would really look forward to the weekends they were coming to stay. I remember I would always tell my friends that I never knew it was possible to love someone else's children the way I love them.
But then things changed, I got pregnant. I really struggled through the pregnancy with the tiredness and I was just so poorly through pretty much all 9 months of it.
DP's ex started getting more difficult whilst I was pregnant too, we'd had problems with her when we first got together as she all of a sudden decided that she wanted him back and tried splitting us up and even told the children that it was my fault that their Mum and Dad weren't together (she left him, got her own house and I didn't know either of them at the time!)
So whilst I was pregnant she started being very demanding, would kick up a big fuss if he was 5 minutes late picking them up or couldn't get the days off work that she wanted him to have them in the holidays etc etc. He just couldn't do anything right and of course everything was all my fault!
Then I had baby and everything was OK-ish for the first few weeks and then I really started to struggle with everything and I ended up very poorly with postnatal depression and even ended up close to suicide. I just felt like I couldn't cope with everything and that I didn't want this life anymore.
I got help, I had mental health nurses coming out to me every day, I'm on medication and I've had counselling and I'm now pretty much on an even keel again. I have good days and bad days but I'd say I now have more good days than bad days.
The trouble now is, that since all this has happened I've lost interest in my DSC and I just don't feel the same, I don't look forward to seeing them. I know that sounds awful but it's not them who I have a problem with, it's the extra stress that surrounds them.
DP has been soooooooooo unbelievably understanding about it all and has done his best to help me out by taking them to his Mum's for most of the day or we've been going for days outs. I don't find it as stressful when we're all out somewhere, it's when we're at home n there's all the extra mess n cooking n the squabbles etc.
After baby was born n DP's X got awkward she had suddenly decided that she wasn't happy about the sleeping arrangements (we have 2 bedrooms and all 3 kids share 1 room and baby is still in our bedroom). So she decided that she didn't want the kids staying over anymore but now all of a sudden she's decided that actually it's oK for her kids to share a bedroom.
I know this may sound over dramatic but I get panicky at the thought of the kids staying over again. I know rationally that it's OK but I know that it's because the last time they were staying over I was in such a bad frame of mind and so it panics me that I might end up feeling like I did before. When I was explaining it to DP I compared it to a fear of the dentists. The dentist hurts you so you don't want to go back there in fear that the same will happen again.
But I know that I can't carry on like this forever, I need to sort this out for the sake of the kids and DP and I suppose for me as well.
I just want things to go back to how they used to be but I'm just not sure I can cope with everything that comes with it. I feel like I've got enough on my plate with my own two children, I can just about handle that at the moment but if I take on anything else at the moment I don't know if I'm just going to crumble again.
Maybe I just need to give it more time?
I've also wondered if the way I'm feeling is some kind of protective maternal instinct to protect my own children. ie mentally I know I can't cope with 4 kids so my mind has detatched itself from the ones which aren't biologically mine in an attempt to make sure that my own are properly looked after? I know that might sound daft but sometimes that's how it feels
btw I'm not a cow, I don't want to feel this way, I just want us to go back to being one big happy family x
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Things just aren't the same :(
15 replies
sweetpea13 · 03/08/2013 16:20
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