I have lurked on this board for a while now but now something has cropped up that I need some advice about.
I have been with my bf for five years. He is 46 and I am 39. I have a 8yo DS and he has an 11 DD.
His DD is lovely and we get on well. My DS gets on well with my BF so all seems good.
My BF and I have just got engaged and we are due to move in together soon, probably in August/September of this year, but nothing is final atm.
I have always noticed that my BF is different when his DD is around. Slightly colder than normal and very defensive about her in general. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what the issue is but it makes me feel slightly uneasy about living together. He takes everything I say about his DD as a criticism, which it certainly isn't. For example on Saturday I offered to take my BF food shopping. I arrived and I was waiting for them to get their shoes on. He actually put her shoes on for her and tied the laces for her. She had a small paper cut on her finger, she waved her finger at him and he fetched a plaster, took it out of the wrapper, took her old plaster off and put the new one on for her.
She is a really nice girl, but she is very spoilt by my BF (which certainly isn't her fault).
The main problem I suppose is that we have completely different parenting styles. I am strict with my DS and my BF is the complete opposite with his DD. He lets her do anything she wants. There are absolutely no rules in his house when she comes over.
For example this weekend my DS and I went for tea at his house. He told my DS he couldn't eat his muffin in the sitting room (the children were both watching television), but that his DD could, as she was older (!).
I know that these are just small examples but it's hard to describe how different he is when his DD is there. It's like he is wound up all of the time until she leaves.
He says he can't tell her off about anything as he wants it to be fun for her when she comes over. He was moaning about her bedroom at the weekend and the mess but he said that he would tidy it so she doesn't have to.
I don't want to tell him how to parent his DD but I can see the difference in parenting styles clashing in the future. I also feel that we are two separate families and that may well still be the case when we move in together. Me and my DS and him and his DD. I am starting to feel quite worried about it to be honest.
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44 replies
ILoveTomHardy · 24/06/2013 16:43
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