Sports day saga!

[emilyeggs]

I have a dsd 6 and a dss 12. Its dsd sports day on Monday and can't help but feel left out of this event year after year. I've been with DH for 4 1/2 years. I understood why I couldn't go the first few years....to soon for the ex and all that, but now feel things have moved on. I have a good relationship with the kids and would love them to remember that I made an effort and went to some school events. I just feel some times that's its all well and good me getting close to them, but only to a certain extent. DH won't talk about it now as it has caused rows in the past and he doesn't want to upset ex, says he doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Aibu?

[emilyeggs]

At first it was her, she got upset, said their school stuff was personal. Then the next time was the same until she changed her mind and said she didn't care who DH brought (it was too late by then for me to organise). Along the way it caused rows as I felt DH was putting her feelings first, he said he didn't want to upset anyone but I was the one feeling pushed out. In the end I did try and put myself in her position, and I don't really want to make anyone uncomfortable, so left it. This year when she told DH about spots day she said she didn't mind who came but DH said after all the trouble I'm not to go and not to bring it up again. I guess like you said, I'm just going to bow out and concentrate on the kids when we do have them. It's a shame as I would have love to have seen them at a sports day, even thought I probably would have felt a bit awkward it would have been worth it. Who would have thought being a sm would be so hard?

[purpleroses]

In that case your Dp is being unreasonable. His ex has said she doesn't mind so why not go? You can sit with Dp well away from his ex and any of her friends in you want to make it easy for everyone. If I was you I'd be wondering if my Dp was just trying to keep me hidden from everyone.

[emilyeggs]

I know he's not trying to hide me away, his ex knows me sort of. My DH is my brothers best friend , best man at his wedding (which ex was at and before anyone asks, DH and ex split mutually and I'm not the OW). I think he feels its caused to much trouble. He may feel different if she gets a partner and he goes one year. I've told him today he can take our ds (24 weeks) to give me a break. At first he said it would be too difficult to take him until I pointed out others siblings go to sports day and dsd would love to see ds, she totally loves him as does dss. I'm very lucky to have such great dsc (although they can drive me crazy sometimes, just as my own ds can). just sick of being told to put myself in her shoes. She has there unconditional love, I have to work for it and its not all a bed of roses sometimes.

[emilyeggs]

Ps, thanks ladies, at least I know it's not me :)