Dh and I have been together nearly 5 years. Whew do have a very large family as we both had children before we met. We knew this would be a hard road, but there doesn't seem to be any upsides currently. Perhaps if I could share some of it with you I might not feel so down?
To begin with we had it planned out easily, my dc lived with me and then of course dh moved in. Every other wkd my dc would go to my ex and we had a wkd to ourselves. (Sort of) then the following weekend my dc would be home and dhs dc would join us. This was the pattern for at least a year. It worked fine. As it meant I still got some time with my dc on my own. Which was important as I had been a single mum with them on my own for several years.
In stark contrast I now get about 3 days a year with them to myself. As dss moved in. This wasn't the plan from the beginning but his mother couldn't cope with his dreadful behaviour any more and sent him to live with us. Well me let's face it as dh is at work all day. At that point I had never met the woman. He arrived with no clothes, toys or anything not even a coat. The agreement was at the beginning she would have him for half the holidays etc. He was 10yrs old.
I've just realised this is going to be long.... Sorry and thankyou if you have the patience to read to the end.
So he's been living with me getting on for 4 years. I have done my absolute best for him. Nothing ever comes back the other way. I've had to teach him the basics from scratch, manners, right/wrong, other people's feelings, sharing... etc I used to think he had some sort of aspergers/autistic spectrum but now I think she just parented him so incredibly badly. It's been a very ahed awful road. I was totally nieave at the beginning. I had no idea of the opposition I would get in trying to get him support for his behaviour. Of course I just got the blame as I wasn't even his mother. Oh you don't give him enough attention etc etc.. We've heard it all. At one point he cried wolf and ss were involved momentarily. But that was about 3 years ago fortunately, that is very much behind us. It's been the most awful road. He is actually much better than he was and I am pleased if I have made a slight bit of difference to him.
However I miss my own children drastically. They are right here and yet every moment dss is here its soooo very much harder. He still struggles to flush a loo, close a fridge, ask for things instead of just taking, manners, rudeness, charging in when I'm getting dressed, demands, sometimes bullying. Example of behaviour, taking tic tax box to school filled with sugar, told teacher it was cocaine, so she thought we were drug dealers.
This week i had (despite huge protest from dhs ex) 1 whole day with my dc to myself! The whole weekend was spoilt as she announced she's be dropping him off Sunday even though it had been planned for months. However she didn't. We had such a wonderful time, just us! I now feel incredibly torn! The oldest ds is nearly 15, he'll be gone soon and I will have missed it! I've spent the last few years in this horrid spiral! I've now become financially dependant on dh. I feel as though I'm at the demands of this awful woman who tbh really fucked her son up. I didn't make him like that and yet I have to fight the daily battle because she wasn't up to her job as a parent. It's made me Ill and most importantly my dc have missed out on me and me on them. If I could wind the clock back I think perhaps I wouldn't have gone on that date with dh. I do love him, but its taken such a toll.
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Step-parenting
So fed up of being a step mum!
21 replies
sadsong · 31/05/2013 08:48
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NatashaBee ·
31/05/2013 08:54
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NatashaBee ·
31/05/2013 09:14
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