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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Does anyone else have a long distance between themselves and dsc.

15 replies

K8eee · 04/04/2013 11:33

DH has a son, who lives 4 hours away. The only time we get to see him or have him is for a long weekend (which happens VERY rarely) or school holidays when he comes to stay with us.

I'm just after some idea of what is a reasonable amount of time or how often you think is reasonable to see him. I'm not being biased, but DH ex (who he wasn't married to) makes it difficult for us to see him, and she dictates when we can have him.

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NotaDisneyMum · 04/04/2013 11:54

KB Contact between a DC and their parent is for the DCs benefit - so your DH has no 'rights' to see his DC (assuming you're in the UK).

However, if your DH believes that his DC is

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NotaDisneyMum · 04/04/2013 11:56

...sorry, posted too soon!

If your DH thinks his DC would benefit from more regular contact, the first step is to invite his ex to mediation to try and reach an agreement.

Long distances are tricky - but if both parents are committed, it can work.

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K8eee · 04/04/2013 11:59

Yeah it is really difficult DH and I try and attend Xmas plays, sports days and his birthday but DH ex doesn't want us being there we try and have our own birthday party, Xmas with dsc when the time comes around and explain to him that he's really lucky as he gets two xmas's and birthdays. It'll soon phase out the excitement though I expect.

Mediation I think will be the next step.

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K8eee · 04/04/2013 11:59

Also, what's kb? Sorry I'm pretty new and haven't quite grasped all the abbreviations!

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NotaDisneyMum · 04/04/2013 12:06

Sorry, it meant to say k8 , as a shortening of your screen name!

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K8eee · 04/04/2013 12:11

Haha that's ok! :)

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tory79 · 06/04/2013 09:53

Yes, my dsd lives 190 miles away, it's a 4 hr drive or more. Dh still sees her every 3rd weekend though - picks her up on Friday, takes her back on Sunday. It's a LOT of driving for him and I don't know how he does it sometimes!

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SorrelForbes · 06/04/2013 11:12

Yes, my DSC live about a three hour drive/4 hour train journey away. We see them about once a month but I must stress that this is their choice. They're teenagers with busy social lives! However, it's not uncommon for us to arrange transport (they prefer to come down on the train by themselves), pay for the tickets and then for ExW to cancel the plans the day before/on the day itself. Despite their age,
the DSC do exactly as she tells them.

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K8eee · 06/04/2013 12:27

My dsc is still too young to pop on a train on his own:( DH has to do the lengthy trip on his own, but we can only have home school holidays. E's just gone home today and bless him wanted to stay for longer, but his mum wouldn't let him

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postmanpatscat · 06/04/2013 13:11

DP spends eow with his DD, staying in a hotel and paying for flights, also keeps a car up north and pays for long term airport parking. She comes to ours for 50% of school holidays and he has to fly or get the train to fetch her and travel all the way back again, repeating this at the end of her visit.

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K8eee · 06/04/2013 14:27

Blimey!!!! Wow he is a truly dedicated father!!! Glad there are lots l them around. Does dsc mother make things awkward at all?

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postmanpatscat · 06/04/2013 15:27

Oh yes, sure she does! We are pretty much immune to it now. He had to go to court to get contact formalised, which cost about £10k. She appeals every CSA decision (currently three active appeals) even though nothing will change (he has no other income, he does live with my kids so that reduces his liability, he does have DSD more than 52 nights so that also reduces his liability). I have had the police formally warn her for harassment. She even told DSD this visit not to let us wash her clothes worn on the journey because when we wash them her clothes stink!! We have no pets and don't smoke so she's just being nasty.

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K8eee · 06/04/2013 16:48

Ahhhh finally! Someone in the same boat as me!!!! Dsc ex has threatened that she would call the police on us for harassing her, hmm yes a phone call to your own son is harrasment!

DH and I got married on February and ever since she has been so nasty and pretty much a bully. Poor DSS has been confused by a lot of things she has said, and has been told I don't like his mum. It's been down to me and dh to reassure him of all the doubts his mum has put in his head.

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TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 06/04/2013 16:52

How old is he?

Do you have him for 50% of the school holidays?

Did your DH move or his exW?

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K8eee · 06/04/2013 17:49

Is rather not disclose his age but he is under 10. Yeah well apart from the summer we have him for 2 weeks. It was sort of half and half. After dsc was born, there were major problems and she moved away. Then I met DH later down the line when dsc was a few years older and for work reasons we have had to move about a couple of times. Dsc is fine with the travel thing though, but his mum makes a big thing of it