Myself and dp have had a rough ride with dsd (15) who has basically made it very difficult for us and our relationship for the last 6 months, not helped by dp's disney dad behaviour.
Over christmas, I had a couple of melt downs, as I felt it was all about her and not winding her up. Having explained to dp that I felt like I was second best and that dsd ruled the roost, he has listened and the situation has improved no end.
But I found myself thinking last night, and am ashamed to say that I think I might be jealous of dsd. Jealous that she is dp's number 1 priority, and keeping her "calm" is top of the agenda. Jealous that if she wants him to, then he will do just about anything for her, or try to, to make her happy.
Now I do realise, that she is his child and maybe thats just me, but I don't feel like that towards my children. Of course if they were in trouble, I would fight for them, all the way. And I do my best to make them happy etc etc. But I do'nt do it at the exclusion of everything else. Is this wrong? I mean, if i want to invite a friend over for coffee with me, then I bloody well will, I do'nt ask my kids permission first. Or if I want to cook my favourite dinner, then I will, I won't not bother, just because its not my kids favourite. I guess I sound like a right cruel cow, I'm not at all.
Does this make any sense at all? And what should I do about it? Is this why sd winds me up so much?
The other thing that doesn't help is that she knows that she is higher priority than me and she knows that she can throw a strop or temper tantrum, or turn on the water works, and that can be effective at getting him to change his plans with me.
I have totally disengaged from her, and currently have zero contact with her, at her request and also to keep my sanity. This is good in one sense as it means I don't have to get caught up in her latest drama, but it also means that my time with dp is limited, as we can't be together as a family (she lives with dp fulll time).
Any advice from other more experienced step mums?
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Step-parenting
Am I jealous of sd? And is that totally ridiculous?
11 replies
humptydidit · 12/01/2013 23:18
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