I am posting in 'step-parenting' as a lone parent because I believe that I will get a more balanced view here.
Ex has not paid any child maintenance in the last 4 years. It has got to the point with the CSA that they are going to enforce an Order for Sale on his property. This means that the courts will Order it be given to the CSA for sale to pay his child maintenance debt and the court costs he has incurred by not turning up in court to deal with the issue. My understanding is that I can stop this action at this point by saying I don't want it to go ahead.
I manage financially but it is a struggle. We have three primary aged children and my childcare bill is approx £750 a month without any other costs. I get some tax credit but it doesn't cover this cost. I am mortgage free following the divorce but I am struggling to save anything significant and certainly can't save to my pension which, at plus 40 years old, is beginning to worry me. I have re-trained so don't earn a lot at the moment but intend to put my head down and work myself silly to move up the scale. However, I am earning now what I earned after 20 years in my previous profession so I had little to lose!
Ex is self employed, hence he hasn't paid maintenance. I have no idea how he is doing financially at the moment but I suspect not good. I have little sympathy - he did his best to take the roof from over my head in the early days of our separation, ruined our credit ratings, took many exotic holidays with the (first, second and third) girlfriend, had me fending off bailiffs on the doorstep on more than one occassion. I suspect he hasn't paid any tax on his businesses in years (and not because he hasn't made a profit!). I don't think money was a problem in the early days but I suspect it is now.
According to the CSA, he has made no contact with them AT ALL since the end of 2009. He didn't turn up in court for the Order of Sale hearing so had a costs award made against him (for at least £15k). Head is well and truly in the sand.
I am now torn. He SHOULD be paying maintenance for his children and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. To be clear, he makes no contribution - I provide clothes, do all haircuts, buy school uniforms, pay for school dinners, pay for childcare etc. etc. etc. In other words, he isn't making an 'in-kind' contribution. I have done everything I can to discuss with him - he has refused any mediation and won't discuss either face to face or via e-mail, text, on the phone. He has never said what you often hear in these situations along the lines of 'you won't get a penny out of me' or' you get all the tax credit so why should I pay'. I have suggested he pays for the children's activities directly and buys school uniform (far less than maintenance would be) but he hasn't taken me up on this. He simply ignores it all.
The children enjoy a good relationship with their dad. He has a new girlfriend of approx 6 months who he seems settled and happy with, although they are not yet living together. Our children like her (more than can be said for the last few!). Contact is now reasonably reliable after a difficult time where he disappeared altogether and a period of 'shared care' which was anything but. I do not know where he will go or what will happen if I push for his house to be sold. We both moved post-separation to a cheaper part of the country (hence we are both mortgage free) so he is away from his family to fall back on. Presumably he'll go to the girlfriend but as she's a non-working single parent and seems a normal, decent kind of person, her first question to him will be why are you here (I would put my life on it at she doesn't know he hasn't paid any maintenance) and then if she doesn't tell him to take a hike, what do you earn so she can get her tax credits etc. adjusted. He won't be able to tell her what he earns 'cos he hasn't done a tax return in years. So....I anticipate that his relationship may end as a result of this. But that's judging her by my standards and I don't know her. He bought a very cheap house in a not great area and put half of it into one of his now ex girlfriend's names some 2 years ago - he stands to walk away with nothing at all.
He is a little unpredictable, very controlling and has been physically abusive to me post-separation. I am registered with the police for domestic abuse purposes but I don't, as a general rule, fear him (hope that makes sense). I am uncomfortable with the notion of being the person who pushes for him to lose his home and the potential reprecussions in the longer term - as it stands, it is clear to even young children who cares for them and who has all the fun (but they love him anyway which is how it should be) but I worry about how this action could be used against me as the children grow.
If I 'let this go', I am accepting that he will never pay maintenance for his children which is, obviously, unfair. By pushing onwards, the future is unknown in terms of what might happen in the short, medium and long terms as a direct result but I get a large lump sum which will greatly help over the coming years. Indeed, it would only be fair that some contribution towards his children's upbringing is made.
Opinions much appreciated.
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Step-parenting
Shall I push ahead with CSA action or now accept the situation?
18 replies
mumandboys123 · 31/12/2012 13:03
OP posts:
EleanorGiftbasket ·
31/12/2012 13:06
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EleanorGiftbasket ·
31/12/2012 13:20
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