would you expect to be invited to your DSC's nativity play?

(51 Posts)
madonnawhore Wed 19-Dec-12 17:13:21

Because I wasn't. And I feel a bit miffed about it as I've been quite involved in practising lines, sorting costume etc. Not sure if I'm BU to feel miffed though. What do you think?

clam Wed 19-Dec-12 17:17:43

Is there a 2-person limit per child, perhaps?

MirandaWest Wed 19-Dec-12 17:22:20

I think it would depend on how many tickets per child. At our school it is two per child and tbh I think if they are both able to go the child's parents should both go.

madonnawhore Wed 19-Dec-12 17:27:12

Not sure of ticket limit. DP took his mum. I overheard her asking him if there would be space for her to come and he said he was sure they'd be able to squeeze her in.

Maybe it wouldve been a bit much if he'd turned up with both me AND his DM. It just hurts a bit that I wasn't even asked if I wanted to go IYSWIM?

BoyMeetsWorld Wed 19-Dec-12 17:27:31

We didn't even invite DSs Real Dad to his (they have weekly contact, v good relationship). Poss because he lives quite far away. My DH (stepdad) & I went. Did you ask to go? ExP knew about it & if he'd asked I would have said yes...

madonnawhore Wed 19-Dec-12 17:28:35

DSD's mum also went I should add. So it was DP, DP's DM and his ex.

ImaginateMum Wed 19-Dec-12 17:30:32

Our school has a two ticket limit, but if there were no limit then it would be nice to be able to go. Did you mention it to DP?

madonnawhore Wed 19-Dec-12 17:31:18

No I didn't ask to go. Felt a bit weird like I might be muscling in or something.

I'm somewhat new to this SP thing and am very self conscious about how I should act in these sort of situations. DP doesn't offer a lot of guidance so I find myself doing a lot of second guessing!

NatashaBee Wed 19-Dec-12 17:32:41

If there was a 2 person invite I would obviously let DSD's mum and dad go. An invite would be nice otherwise though, it's usually me who does all the nagging about lines/costume sourcing/driving to rehearsals. Not sure who should take precedence if a grandparent wanted to go! I don't see why you couldn't all go.

EMS23 Wed 19-Dec-12 17:36:11

I've been with DH 8 years and this was the first time I have been. But that was because DSS's mum didn't want me there previously.
Could it be that? How new to it are you?

VBisme Wed 19-Dec-12 17:39:52

If there's a 2 person limit then no, otherwise yes, I love the school plays. smile

Jemma1111 Wed 19-Dec-12 17:40:17

To be honest if I were you I wouldn't expect to go to the play. These kind of things are special to a mum and I think it could look like you were muscling in, sorry.

Aspiemum2 Wed 19-Dec-12 17:42:20

Our schools have a 2 ticket limit but I always put in a request for spares stating they're for sp's. we've always got them so far. Dc's want my dh there and naturally their sm wants to see them too. The schools do 2 shows so dh and I go to one and exdp and sm go to the other.

nqtatwitsend Wed 19-Dec-12 17:47:35

Sorry - I think the whole 'special to a mum' stuff is BS.
IME its fine for me to make costumes, ease nerves, learn lines but not fine for me to see the play because it would upset the mum.
I hope that if our roles were reverses I'd be adult enough to put the children first and invite the step mum to acknowledge the positive role she plays in the lives of the children.
Hell will freeze over before my DP's ex does that.l and the only people really affected by it are the children (who are the only ones that really matter).

purpleroses Wed 19-Dec-12 17:50:10

I think I'd consider that I might be above the grandmother in order of preference, but your DH probably didn't realise that you'd have liked to have gone, and his mum asked direct.

NotaDisneyMum Wed 19-Dec-12 18:38:32

I've put DP down for spare tickets for DD's play in previous years, and I have been to DSS production when there has been room for me (in both cases, the DC's have been happy for their SP to be there).

But, I don't get involved in DSS costume prep, learning lines etc - that's up to DP to do if he chooses to, I wouldn't dream of getting involved - he's the parent, not me! Usually his ex does it all, anyway - DP would never get it right in her opinion, so she has to do it, apparently!

ImaginateMum Wed 19-Dec-12 18:40:49

Some men can be a bit dim, I wouldn't expect my DH to realise I wanted to be somewhere unless I asked.

PoppyPrincess Wed 19-Dec-12 19:39:00

There's a 2 person limit at DC's school, the hall would be rammed if both parents + step parents + 4 grandparents + 10 aunts and uncles + the next door neighbours + the family dog....you get my point.

I wouldn't be upset if I wasn't, it would be lovely if I was but I wouldn't expect it. I'd think that grandparents should get a place ahead of step parents.

bearymerrychristmas Wed 19-Dec-12 23:37:31

My step sons school just had their nativity and they have a 2 tickets per child rule. You can request more though and we were given one extra (for me).

My step sons mum didn't want me there, and was happy to say that quite openly, but he did two performances and she went to one and my partner and I to the other, so it made absolutely no difference to her whatsoever anyway.

Like those above, I also helped him learn his lines, made his costume (well, I went shopping for it and made one bit at home) and got it all ready for him etc, so of course I wanted to be there and he wanted me there.

2 tickets only - Mum and Dad though.

theredhen Thu 20-Dec-12 06:24:08

Next time you need to be very clear with your dp. Assuming their isn't a limit on tickets. You need to be direct and ask him if he can get you a ticket. If he says he doesn't think it's your place, then you must stop helping dsd with costumes and the like because you will end up consumed with resentment which isn't good for your relationship with either your partner or your dsd.

After all as notadisneymum says your dsd has two parents to sort out costumes, lines etc and if you are not going to be acknowledged by having tickets to the show then it's not your place to help out.

I've been to dsc shows but have never really helped out with lines or costumes.

Incrediblemeee Thu 20-Dec-12 12:07:43

Have been to lots of school performances but only because I was dragged there by dh because he could not bear to face ex and inlaws on his own! To be honest though, even dsc folks are sick of so many events scheduled by school or holiday clubs and at this stage there is a collective groan when dsc are offered main parts in plays etc... Own ds has fewer events to participate in as in different school, and being seriously objective here, the quality is better when not every crap bit learned in class is instantly put on display! No nativity plays where I live though, so maybe that is different for all concerned?

Fragglewump Thu 20-Dec-12 12:42:30

I've been a stepmom for 7 years and have never been to dsc school plays. Always assumed the tickets are limited. I've been to various school fairs and seen them sing in the choir etc. Also go to dance shows sports tournaments etc but usually only when it's our weekend with the kids. I wouldn't let it upset you but mention to dh that next time you'd like to go if poss!

Xalla Fri 21-Dec-12 05:36:18

There's a 2 person limit at my DSD's schools but they have always allowed extra tickets for SP if they have them spare and I've usually gone - DSD expects us all to be there.

This year though when we got there we found my DSD's Mum being turned away at the door because she hadn't handed in her form for ticket allocation. I ended up giving her mine and sitting in the car...

DH was not particulalry happy at having to sit next to his ex for the entire performance.... shock

HoHoHoHum Fri 21-Dec-12 06:29:18

This year I was the only one there! So yes, but we have residency & DSC don't see their Mum on a weekly basis, so a very different situation.

CatchingMockingbirds Fri 21-Dec-12 07:09:23

If it was a fairly new relationship (you say your new to being a step-mum) then no I wouldn't expect to be invited.

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