Telling DSCs about our engagement - advice

[BadIdeaBear]

My DP proposed to me last weekend, which was lovely! My DSC met me last January and they've been staying with us since we moved in together in February. They are great kids and seem well adjusted and happy.

I'm therefore not concerned about them being unhappy about the wedding/ marriage, but would just like some thoughts on the best way to tell a 7 year old and 3 year old. My DSD (7) has already had separate conversations with me and my DP about the idea so I don't think she'll be surprised. But what might come up as a result of it being real? And how can we best get DSS (3) to understand?

[humptydidit]

watching with interest. Have no advice, but hoping to go down the same road myself soon!

[DharmaBumpkin]

DSD was 3 when we got engaged & married, & didn't seem to have issues / concerns... Except about what dress to wear!

We told her first & let her tell everyone else, which she loved doing.

We had a very low key wedding, no bridesmaids flower girls etc, but DSD was our ringbearer & sat on my lap while we signed the register, so she was as involved as we could possibly make her in the circumstances!

She was not really bothered at all about what the wedding meant as such, her interest was purely self-centred which I think is pretty typical of the age group!

[ladydeedy]

I think just sit them down and tell them! Make it fun and a positive happy discussion and talk about how they can be part of the day. Good luck! You are already living together so really I dont think that at their young ages they will see marriage as something wholly different with implications....

[BadIdeaBear]

Thanks for the support!

It went very well. DSD (7) has been enlisted, initially as flowergirl, but upgraded herself to bridesmaid during the subsequent conversations for the rest of the morning - she's very excited, and seems wholeheartedly approving, including, I think, being a little bit impressed with her father's romantic proposal! We also had a good and useful chat about 'stepmothers' with her claiming the WSM tag was a total myth in her opinion and that I'd have to try very hard indeed to become one. Good!

DSS (3) was more hilarious. Apparently, it's all just silly. But he does like my ring and thinks that papa is lucky to have me and I'm lucky to have papa.

That'll do!

The quandary over telling his ex was harder, but on advice of friends, my fiance (hehe) sent her an email a couple of hours before the children left her as 'a courtesy' to give her a little time to get her head round it and present a 'face' if necessary, but not enough time to stew, if that was on the cards. Now unsure whether that was wise, given the response, but never mind.

[ladydeedy]

well done! Ex is always a bit difficult to deal with I think on this subject. I think your fiance did exactly the right thing. Now just enjoy looking forward to your wedding, and to your married life together!