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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

A quick mothers day question............

28 replies

steppingup · 03/04/2011 19:35

Did your DSC get you anything for mothers day??

OP posts:

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ruddynorah · 03/04/2011 19:38

i didn't get my step mother anything.

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RedRosie · 03/04/2011 19:40

My 2 DSCs sent me a card and some flowers. They always do.

I have had my DSCs for a long time though ... :-)

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Magicjamas · 03/04/2011 20:11

This reply has been deleted

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WinterLover · 03/04/2011 20:22

Not this year as we've not seen DSD for 3 weeks but she made me a card last year :)

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FreudianSlippery · 03/04/2011 20:28

Never have before and that's fine by me, I'm not their mum.

The first birthday I had after meeting now-DH, his DDs wanted to make me a card but his exW wouldn't let them. I was really upset but then decided I shouldn't expect anything as their mum was in control (they were 4 when I met them). And they love me, I love them, and stuff like cards don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

However DSD who is now early teens told DH she's got me a card. I guess she's old enough to decide these things herself and I'm really chuffed :) (and DH told her he's really proud of her for doing it) - but I wouldn't have been bothered if she hadn't because I didn't expect it IYSWIM.

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ConfessionsOfaFlask · 03/04/2011 20:49

MJ- !

DH took both DD and DSDs shopping yesterday for both me and DSDs mum respectively. Both DSDs insisted on buying me a little pressie each and a card. I was presented with a lovely breakfast in bed this morning and tonight DSDs gave their mum her pressies. It was our weekend but she didn't want to change it as she had plans with her DP and their DSs.

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Woozlemum · 03/04/2011 20:51

I got a Mothers Day card today - a lovely glitter shedding one (glitter gets EVERYWHERE!)

I also got a Get Well Soon card yesterday as I wasn't feeling too chipper when we had DSS, so first card he made was for me - my get well soon card which is glittery, tissue papery has a pom-pom and three eyes. It's awesome.

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cath476 · 03/04/2011 20:52

yes, I got a lovely card (she'd written "Thank you for always being there for me" in it) and some nice bath products. I'm very lucky.

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marriednotdead · 03/04/2011 21:03

DSS spent last night at his mums but sent me a text this morning. Given the way he's been lately, a night without him was quite a gift tbh.

Nothing from the others but they're older and don't live with us so it's different.

I have no expectations, so no disappointments either.

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thinkingkindly · 03/04/2011 21:09

I had a homemade card from DSS, with a message thanking me for helping him through a recent tricky patch. Lovely!

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CointreauVersial · 03/04/2011 21:10

I had my DSM over for lunch (DM is on holiday) and gave her a card AND a very special Mother's Day gift (a commemorative William & Kate teatowel). Don't worry, I love her really.

But I have to say, every year I have a little rant at the card shops. You can buy a card saying "to my nana on mother's day" or "to my childminder..." or even "to my dog....".

But can you buy one for Stepmums?? No, you can't. Not anywhere. You SMs definitely need more appreciation imho.

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Tillyscoutsmum · 03/04/2011 21:13

I actually found and bought a Step Mum card this year. Its the first time I've seen them ! My step mum got a card and a few bits from the dc's. I didn't get anything from dsd but she's only 7 and its not our weekend with her. I suspect if she had been here, she would have made/written in a card for me.

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FreudianSlippery · 03/04/2011 21:23

I gotvaguely peeved recently when I realised that on facebook there is very limited choice for those family relationship things. I've got DSCs as friends on FB anyway, but one of the girls added me as her mum because there was no 'stepmum' option. You'd think there would be really, as it's not exactly an uncommon thing is it!

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catsmother · 04/04/2011 04:24

My 1st reaction was hahahahahaha too !

My teenage (and (comparatively) loaded - i.e. lots of pocket money) skids have NEVER even bought their dad anything, not even a card on Fathers' Day (or on birthdays/Xmas) so I have absolutely no expectation of anything of any sort on any occasion for me.

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tokenwoman · 04/04/2011 08:29

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha NO this is the first year out of 7 that we haven't had little princess on mothers day never had a card in the past dont expect one as I am not her mother but this is the girl that gave a xmas card this year written out to just daddy ( I am the great invisable woman) even though we've had her every xmas eve/morning ever since she was 6 but then again Ive never had a birthday card or xmas girft or anything from her, part of me suspects that this is the DP fault for not doing the parental nudging

it is sad that there seems to be a complete lack of involvement from some skids who seem to lack the most basic of manners or who aren't taught any

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nenevomito · 04/04/2011 08:40

No, which is fair enough really as I am faaaaaaaaaaaaaar too young to be her mother .

I do get birthday cards though, bless her and I do exist on Christmas cards - tokenwoman that's pretty rotten.

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djinnie · 04/04/2011 08:53

I got a special Stepmum card and a cookbook - the Hairy Bikers. Last year I got some soap but no card. I was totally made up yesterday and came over all unnecessary. Thrilled. It's been a long slog but maybe I'm getting somewhere.

SS is 18 next week and I'm a full time SM so it has taken a while.

I didn't get anything off his sisters but that's ok. It was DH's birthday on Friday and he didn't get anything off any of them then either so ....

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ladydeedy · 04/04/2011 08:53

got nothing. I did joke on Sunday morning with Dh which prompted HIM to go and buy a card/flowers/chocs. DSS went to see his mother for the day - he has barely seen her for the past year. Felt pretty fed up about it to be frank as I've been the one (along with DH of course) looking after him since he moved out from his mum's.
But hey, he's a teenaged boy. He didnt buy his mum anything either, not even a card, although we prompted/reminded him.

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Nell799 · 04/04/2011 15:26

I got a card and a big box of chocolates, which was very nice!

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Namechangearamanama · 04/04/2011 16:33

Echo MJ - haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaa

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Namechangearamanama · 04/04/2011 16:38

CointreauVersial 'To my childminder on mothers day' ??!!!! My CM is ace but I'd be mortified if my DD got her a mother's day card

I don't expect a card form DSD, I'm not her mum, that's fine. But I was upset yesterday that although she woke up with us... she paid no attention whatsoever to the fact it was my mother's day. No happy M's day, no thanks for all you do (she spend half her time here and does her homework here, I cook for her, look after her when she's sick, take her out for lunches etc at the weekend and to the cinema, have her over night when her Dad's working abroad) all she had to say was "can you curl my hair for me so I look nice for my mum later"

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JemAndTheHolograms · 04/04/2011 18:41

Yes I did, a card with "You're like a mum to me" on it, chocolates and a Body Shop giftset. She has gotten me stuff for years though, and has lived with us for 10 years. We have a pretty good relationship apart from the occasional (sometimes mountain out of a molehill) hiccup.

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steppingup · 04/04/2011 19:11

Thanks for your responses. You SM's who got something are lucky. My SC's spend every weekend with us and one night a week and I got nothing. I know I am not their mum but I am thier mother figure when they are with us. I do more for them then their father does and it goes totally un noticed. They get great presents for birthdays and christmas because I choose them- he does not know how to buy good gifts. I was a bit miffed that I didn't even get a bar of soap! I mentioned it to my DP last night and it turned into a bit of a row. I said I was a bit upset that they didn't get me anything, meaning I was upset with him for not nudging them to even get me something small as a thank you for my love and support that I give them. I also said to him that if for whatever reason you didn't want them to get me anything it would have been lovely if you had got me some nice flowers as a thank you from YOU for all the time, effort, money, love, support, stress & tears i put into looking after YOUR kids. He said it didn't even enter his head. :( Obviously I value my position in this family much higher than anyone else does. back to being the invisible woman then....

OP posts:

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thinkingkindly · 04/04/2011 20:22

I think you have to spell out what you need, steppingup. I have dds, and mother's day is a really big deal to me. Dss wants to join in, hence the card. He is not very good about marking anyone else's occasion usually.

I think you should tell your DH that you need to feel appreciated. Just tell him that he needs to tell you what a great job you are doing! He just needs practice. Then he might start doing things spontaneously.

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theredhen · 04/04/2011 21:05

Hard enough to get them to muster some enthusiasm for a card and present for their own Mum or Dad on Mother's or Father's day. No way I would get anything. Not that I would expect anything and it appears to be a bit of an effort for DP to encourage DS to get me anything even though we live miles from any shops, so he can't do it alone.