being a full time step mum

[jzhmum]

I am a full time mum to my step child and 3 of my own children...I have been looking after my SD for 2 years now but finding it almost impossible! I love her but feel like it is looking at my husbands exwife. She even sounds the same...i keep telling myself she is only a child but finding things difficult and not many people understand...anyone out there the same????

[allnewtaketwo]

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I struggled with this for years. One of the worst things is when they also spout her opinions as their own, virtually word for word. My tongue is well bitten from many such examples.

What age is DSD?

[glasscompletelybroken]

I'm ducking to avoid the flaming as I type but YES! I have 2 DSD's and one of them is sooo much like her mum. It's really hard to get past this and I'm permanently struggling.

[tokenwoman]

with you on this one... it is like the ex is in the house with us my sd is the spit of her mother and the fact that DP is sooooo much in 'daddy love' with his daughter I do wonder sometimes if he notices the resemblance to hated ex, the fact that he spoilt his exwife and is now doing the same to SD I wonder if he is trying to raise a carbon copy of the ex
i do sometimes wish she looked more like him it might make it easier to get on with her
SD is 13 so the mirror image will only get worse

[jzhmum]

my DSD is 8, I also have two boys from previous (7 & 6) and we have baby boy together. We had the daddy love thing which was hard but the moment the baby came along it changed and now no-one gets look in with daddy apart from Baby. It leaves me with the SD...and more like his ex the more he backs off from being her parent. Its has to get easier right?????

[djinnie]

Well yes, it does get easier because eventually they leave home.

I am/have been a full time Stepmum to 4 (3 girls and 1 boy). SD3 is the spit of her Mum and behaves just like her in spite of the fact that DH has been the FT parent since BM walked out 12 years ago.

I sometimes struggle - no I often struggle - because the kids bear no resemblance at all to DH. They are not like him remotely. I don't understand it.

I have had more perspective with the youngest because I have been in his life since he was younger. He is like his Mum, madly so, he's 18 next week and she left when he was a heartbroken 6 year old.

I now MAKE myself see where he is like his Dad. I also MAKE myself see what he has got from me. It's miniscule but it's bloody important!

I am partly at fault for having been a little blinkered and feeling resentful about them but certainly it is difficult and you are doing well to say you love her as I find that really hard. I certainly have warmer feelings about my SS and I am proud of him but maybe that's part of my emotional investment as I have been there day in and day out and I want to see a return on that.

Chin up xx

[jzhmum]

Thank you...resentment is the hardest thing. Trying hard not to do the tit-for-tat thing with my DH. ie...he didn't hug his SS so I wont hug SD.
Its good to know there is light and just hope that SD gets some of me and not too much of her BM's mad ways lol xxx

[fairystepmother]

Yep - regularly. Even though BM isn't around anymore and we have SS9 full time, he still comes out with BM talk and pulls expressions like her. I think I always hoped that once he was with us all the time this would stop - it hasn't though.

Just keep grinning and bearing it!!

[virginiasmonalogue]

I have 2 full time SDS's (12 & 8) who don't have any contact with their BM whatsoever - her lack of willing and effort being a reason...long story..

I also find it hard when they bring on the attitude and strops, I find myself thinking, "god, they're so like her..." or "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" . I can't even live my own life without seeing her sneering face following me about