Arghhh dh, dsd and 16th birthday present!

[notremotelyintofootie]

arghhh I need a rant!

It's dsd's 16th birthday this week, she has no hobbies and no particular interests and when asked what she'd like she says 'dunno' or something vastly out of our budget like a laptop!

A few months ago dh started saying how he wanted to 'spoil' her/get her something special (within our £100 budget... Revised from £50 despite us being skint!) but didnt know what to get.... I suggested a pandora bracelet and one or two charms so she could add to it... He ummed and arred and said he would think about it, ask what she wanted again etc....

I have repeatedly asked what are we getting (I usually get all the family pressies) and each time I have been told don't know... I'll think/ask....

Fast forward to this week, still nothing gotten and he turns around to me and accuses me of not thinking of dsd/of not bothering about her birthday etc!!!!

So last night when he was at work I texted him and said that this afternoon I was happy to go in and get the bracelet and charms if he wanted and to let me know....

This morning I ask if he wants me to do that and he says 'she didn't seem keen on the idea!' argggg WTF!!! It's a birthday present and I said it ahould be a surprise but he didn't see that and yet has still not said what we will get her instead!!!

I officially give up! But I'll be evil step mum!

[catsmother]

Errrmm ..... his daughter, his responsibility. If he dares criticise you any further please remind him just how often you've suggested ideas, and/or going to get the bloody thing.

Only thing is, and I hate to be the prophet of doom, IME fuffing about over presents, with lots of "I don't knows" and other non-commital remarks, has quite often meant that he does actually have plans for what to buy - such as a laptop ("spoiling her" and all that) but wants to postpone the inevitable argument as this is out of budget. My DP has done this in the past ..... ummed and aahed for weeks/months and rejected all offers of help with spurious excuses then at the last moment turns up with something we genuinely can't afford (and/or they don't deserve) saying "ooh, I know it's a bit more than we said but time was pushing on/they really want it/I couldn't think of anything else". Which is quite frankly pathetic and devious, and not surprisingly I went ballistic - at the see through deception apart from anything else.

I really hope that doesn't turn out to be the case for you.

[notremotelyintofootie]

Leroy - we have done vouchers in the past but dh made such a big deal about how 16 is a special bday and that's why we raised the budget to £100 and so just giving vouchers demeans that argument iyswim? Money just gets frittered away.... Or 'borrowed' so we try and avoid that ourselves as presents....

Catsmother - that is my biggest worry, dh was given a couple of thousand by his dad last month and he's made a big deal of saying although it was given to him it's 'family' money and is savings for emergency/ future house deposit and yet it's still sat in his account and not the joint savings account and when I ask about it he tells me to stop going on about it and insists we need to save up from household budget for a small slide for dd (she has no outside toys and her birthday is in november) and when I burst a tyre I could 'borrow' the money to fix it but I have to pay it back!

If he buys her a laptop after all this shit then it could be the last nail in the coffin of our marriage!

[nenevomito]

My DH has done this to me many times before. Asks what he should get dbd, umms and ahs about it, says he didn't think she was that keen, asks for more advice, panics about not having bought anything and finally ends up going out and buying what I suggested first.

I'd just leave him to it. Short of kicking him in the shins next time he mentions it, I don't see what you can do!

[nenevomito]

Yes, we've had the "dbd wants a laptop"

We don't have a laptop

"But thats what she really wants"

ARGH - what she really wants could really do with being in the what we can actually afford bracket!

[WkdSM]

If she wants something expensive like a laptop, why not suggest that she asks everyone for money towards the laptop, and then when she has enough (bar the £100 you are giving her) she draws out the cash, and her and your DH go shopping. He pays £100 to the laptop, she gets what she wants, the money is not frittered away.

We've done this quite a few times with SSs as they often ask for things that are (ioo) are unreasonable for a single present - it seems to have worked. I think a Pandora bracelet is a fab idea - but then I am not a teenage girl.

[catsmother]

God give me strength .... sorry NRIF but I've felt increasingly murderous lately when reading in here about some of the men we have to put up with (and right now that includes my own pathetic so called DP). As a bit of an aside, I'm gobsmacked at his attitude over the inheritence. It's all very noble saving it for a deposit etc but if you need a tyre you need a tyre, it's hardly frittering it away and it's all swings and roundabouts surely ? Would he prefer you to be driving dangerously/illegally on an unfit tyre ?

I wouldn't have thought a cheap slide from Argos would have dented a few thousand either though admittedly this might be different from the tyre (have you tried Freecycle for outside toys ? there's often sandpits, slides, trikes etc on ours). However, if he ends up getting a laptop out of this then I can well understand how the hypocrisy would be the final nail for you.

[notremotelyintofootie]

That's not a bad idea but dsd won't talk to anyone in the family and everyone else have now gotten her present... She only said about the laptop last week.....

Lunchtime is dh's deadline if he wants me to buy anything so it'll be interesting to see what he says!

[notremotelyintofootie]

Well.... Dh agreed to me getting dsd's present today, he still wasn't sure but knew it was my last offer!

So... I have just spent £95 on a pandora bracelet and a '16' bead! Hope she likes it!


I've also eyed up some that I like so perhaps next year when I finish my phd I might treat myself (along with a kindle!)

[seriouslycantbebothered]

sod the bracelet get the Kindle they are fab

[catsmother]

Phew ..... I'm glad it worked out in the end and you haven't had to face the worst case present buying scenario !

[emjanedel]

i think he owes you one!!!