Mumsnet Step Forum means I'm not so isolated

[mdoodledoo]

I met with my closest girlfriends twice last week and came away feeling weirdly empty and annoyed. I think I've unravelled what was going on and despite 25yrs of history between us, they don't/can't understand my life and the choices that I've made. Neither of them are parents or step parents and the simple fact is that they don't 'get it'. I feel like an arse trying to explain stepkid 'things' to them and they make me feel, at various times, like an idiot, doormat, amateur, saint...etc etc. I often feel completely isolated because nobody in my life really does 'get it', even my DP (much as he tries).

It really really illustrated to me how much of a help this forum has been over the past year. To have the chance to read about other peoples experiences and hear the advice and opinions has been a bloody lifeline - thanks to everyone - you've really made me feel a whole load less isolated, even if I've never swopped posts with you directly!

[theredhen]

Here, here.

I do have a couple of good friends, who are good listeners but not step parents themselves, but the people on here have real life experience of being a step parent and some of them are very wise and also very fair.

Thanks to everyone who posts whether it be in reply to my venting or to vent themselves, because every post on here helps me to see what is going on in my own life more clearly.

[nenevomito]

Absolutely - Its one of those things that until you do it you just won't get it.

Step relationships can go from the sublime to the ridiculous and here is a brilliant place to seek advice when things get tricky from people who know where you are coming from.

[notremotelyintofootie]

I wish I had found mumsnet years ago and step parenting is mf favourite part, I can moan without being accused of hating dsd etc and it puts things into perspective!

Thank you everyone!

[WkdSM]

nrif - I agree - I wish I had this sort of forum when we were going through the worst of times with SS2 - instead I had to talk to my dog!! There are some things that are so awful that I could not tell friends because then they would not even have been able to stay in the same room with SS2.

My dog does offer good advice though - sure woof means have another !

[bonnymiffy]

Even though I don't post very often (I lurk alot...) it's actually very reassuring to know that you are all here and I can ask for advice if I need to - I don't know any other step mums in real life. Thanks one and all. I may need a bit of support soon as I'm 30 weeks pg with my first and not sure how the balance of mum/stepmum will work out...

[ConfessionsOfaFlask]

What BH said-

I has been a saviour for me, even for the long period when I was only lurking because I realised all those mixed up feelings and emotions were mostly, normal.

Not that I am normal in any way

[Petal02]

This forum is fab - cos I thought I was the only person on the planet who finds step children challenging. It's wonderful to 'speak' to other ladies who understand how intrusive it is, to have someone else's offspring under your roof. I should add that I am VERY careful to delete my browsing history, just in case DH should find this site.

[nenevomito]

I just wish I'd found this site earlier when things were really difficult, rather than just difficult!

[Tootingbec]

Oooooooh, Petal and Dadsgirlfriend - me too on the browsing history! I NEVER look at the Steparenting forum on the shared I-Pad - I use my own laptop for that! Doesn't help that I picked a username that DH would twig was me (durr!).

Anyway totally agree with finding this forum a bloody godsend! It was the first time I realised that I wasn't some heartless bitch because a) I don't love my DSD and b) I actually dislike her sometimes.

Pip pip everyone!

[theredhen]

MJ,

Yes, I have felt really exasperated with DS and wanted to throttle him, but because he is mine, I knew I had sole responsibility towards him and having unconditional love means I got through it.

It is sooooo much harder with step kids because although their lives affect you just as much, you have far less say and less control and above all else, less love.

[Zighy1]

New to Mumsnet but have been a step parent for 11 years, no children of my own. Very happy with DH and lots of ups and downs with DSS and DSD. the first two years were awful, though actually the ex has always been very reasonable but it was hard for the children as they were only 3 & 4. Had 8 blissful years, fantastic holidays, weekend, lots of great memories then they became teenagers. I am finding this such a tough period. If you think they require a lot of time when they are young well this is so much worse as they demand so much more of you but are so ungrateful. Saying that they though did both send me lovely cards and presents for Mothers day. Still am I being unfair moaning about them now as I have always been so accommodating in the past. I think problem is I want time for me and DH now, and resent their constant demands. I cannot tell DH this as he would be horrified and I do love both children and would be mortified if they knew I felt like this but I do and I just end up taking it out on DH when they are with us. Any ideas?