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Step-parenting

Need some advice ...

18 replies

Steppietoo · 19/03/2011 21:16

I'm just wondering where I could search, who I could contact, could anyone here give advice on my question. DH is desperately trying to renegotiate maintenance with the ex to no avail. She gets an astronomical amount with lots of other issues attached, which I do not want to really lay out here. We want to avoid solicitors as the cost would bankrupt us. She's asking for proof of my income, on top of all his usual financial stuff. Is my income any of her concern in re-arranging maintenance? I am livid because if that is the case, what is the bloody point of divorce if she has that leverage when it comes to her ex husband's second marriage. In that case, I would stop working because I'm not working for my salary to be "considered" in her demands for more maintenance.

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notremotelyintofootie · 19/03/2011 22:30

Hi

Have a look at the CSa website and use their calculator to see how much your dh should be paying and no, your income is not taken into account!

If she ia being this much of a pain perhaps your dh should apply to pay through the CSa.....

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fairystepmother · 20/03/2011 00:42

The CSA might ask your for your income (it's been known) - you DO NOT have to give it to them.

You are not the bio parent of the child and so you are not responsible for maintenance.

Keep your finances to yourself and don't disclose them voluntarily. I think you'll find the ex wont have a leg to stand on unless you volunteer the info.

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ConfessionsOfaFlask · 20/03/2011 13:18

Your income has noting to do with your DH's maintenance-the CSA didn't take account of my income when calculating maintenance. You have no financial responsibility to her.

Is the CSA involved ? or is is a private arrangement ? if she is using that to mess up with access/residency ?

You can also get in touch with Families Need Fathers they can help and advise.

HTH

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allnewtaketwo · 20/03/2011 14:35

It really all depends which CSA system you're on - new or old? Are you on a CSA system at all? In any case you are not obliged to provide details

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bemybebe · 20/03/2011 14:40

My dh original maintenance agreement was stamped by the courts and, yes, at application for variation I had to provide my financial position to courts and his ex- though WE WERE NOT EVEN MARRIED. Hmm Really pissed me off, but there you go. If the end she had to back off as courts decided that the original amount was not reasonable.

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allnewtaketwo · 20/03/2011 14:56

bemybebe that's awful that they would even take your details into account. I doubt if the ex had been with someone really wealthy that the maintence would have been reduced accordingly Hmm

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Steppietoo · 20/03/2011 15:45

Thanks everyone for your replies. It is a consent order and not through the CSA. My feeling is she's just being demanding because she feels she has the right his money first, all of his money including mine, even though they are divorced. Her attitude irks the livingbejeezuz out of me.
Thanks Pegs for the website, it is exactly what I'm looking for to pass on to DH.

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nenevomito · 20/03/2011 17:58

Bemybebe, I agree thats awful. My income has never figured in DHs maintenance agreement. To be honest I still contribute as I pay more into our family than I would do if he didn't have another child to support. I don't mind doing that at all, but I would certainly refuse to give my details to his ex.

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bemybebe · 20/03/2011 18:24

babyheave i did refuse and was ordered to by the courts. my dh ex presented the case significantly overstating my income and assets, hoping that i would pick up the potential shortfall in maintenance (my dh had a dreadful complication after a surgery, a month in coma, 1.5 year rehab, mental and physical disability, so had to stop his work). What she did not realize was that i also suffered financially also as i can to cut hours of work, refused to travel on biz and was overlooked for promotion. courts did agree with us in the end, but boy-o-boy, i was spitting fire for having to give full disclosure and, again, WE WERE NOT EVEN MARRIED.

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allnewtaketwo · 20/03/2011 19:43

what a bloodsucking leech - sorry but that attitude that you are in any way responsible for children that aren't your's really makes my blood boil. Do these women have no pride whatsoever?

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Happylander · 20/03/2011 20:02

My DH went through CSA as his ex was demanding stupid amounts. The court takes this amount now and she can't claim anymore than they state. Although everyone slags off CSA they have been okay with DH even reducing the amount he has to pay by a very small amount so he stands more chance of seeing his daughter every couple of months. Ex moved plane ride away away and refuses to assist with any contact! Anyway I would get your husband to go through CSA and your income is not taken into account.

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slimbo · 20/03/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lateatwork · 21/03/2011 07:04

i am absolutely gobsmacked that the new partners income is taken into account... what if ex has partner, is this included too? (sorry to hijack...)

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Happylander · 21/03/2011 08:43

I didn't realise that either. I thought that they had changed it so partners income was no longer taken into account or is that just the CSA. That is awful. The law really does seem to favour the first wife in regards to money and children.

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Smum99 · 21/03/2011 11:08

Hi, As far as I'm aware you can't be legally forced to declare your earnings but you can be asked to share household details i.e costs of running the home and what each partner contributes. What the court is look for is what cash is available to go to the ex.

I would have also recommend FNF

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lateatwork · 21/03/2011 12:37

what cash is available to go to the ex??? pffft. that is soo bloody unfair.

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bemybebe · 21/03/2011 12:47

Again, I am speaking for myself only, in my case (private arrangement with later variation) I was told that if I do not provide my details, then the court will make an assumption basis statement from dh ex-w, which I knew was significant overestimation, so maybe legally I was not "forced to", but I would be in much worse position if I did not do it. I had to give details on my income (payslips), bonus estimate for the coming year (i was working in the City), my bank account details, my ISAs, property I had abroad (I am not british), details of my mums inheritance (she passed away but it was not finalized yet). It was highly intrusive. The courts take into account the welfare of the children and everything else is secondary. In our case the ex-w walked away from dh with much higher capital because it was assumed he was in very highly paid employment. A year after the divorce I met him and a 1.5 later he had his accident and he could not continue paying to the degree he was before (usual day to day maintenance plus fees in the private school for four children). I honestly felt terrible for All involved, most of all the children, who are absolute fantastic, but also could not see why I had to be involved in their financial support.

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Drizzela · 21/03/2011 15:47

The only way your income wouldbe taken in to account is if you are mega rich and fund your partner's lifestyle.

Any arrement they have even if legal is void after 12 months and he can simply go to CSA and get them to sort things. He should go on CSA website in the meantime though and work out what the cost will be so that he can pay her this amount whilst things are all worked out, so he's not in arrears and so that he is being fair.

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