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Step-parenting

DS, DSS and Dp feeling guilty

6 replies

theredhen · 13/03/2011 02:44

We are having a lot of building work done at the moment. Ds and i moved in with dp last yr and part of the plan was to give DS his own room as he lives here all the time. Dsc live here third of the time. Ds moved into his own room last night meaning dss gets his room back. We have got massive amounts of decoratong to do over the next few weeks, so why is dp telling me that we must rush out tomorrow and buy paint for dss room which then we must re-decorate by the next time dss stays at ours? (In virtually same colour as ds room after dp buying different colour previously) I'm quite happy to re-decorate, but we have more than enough to do at moment with our own room, bathroom, landing and living room having bare plaster etc and us both working full time. Dss room is fine apart from being a little bit tired looking and ds i not finished anyway.

It doesnt help that dss already has biggest room, Sky in his room (which none of the others have) and he stood there gloating at ds while doing nothing to help yesterday while ds, dsd, dp and i moved ds into new room and dp was snapping at ds!

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theredhen · 13/03/2011 03:02

It's like DS gets something just for him and DP doesnt like it. We've been having issues where i feel Ds and I have sacrificed a lot to be with dp and dsc and i was looking forward to ds having something of his 'own' for once.

Please excuse typos. Phone not behaving!

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theredhen · 13/03/2011 03:43

So within all my ramblings, what I am trying to say is, am I being unreasonable that;

  1. DS gets to enjoy something new and just for him for a few weeks? (even though all the soft furnishings, carpet etc are from other rooms in the house we have "recycled")

  1. That we're not holding up the workman, to help re-decorate a room that doesn't have to be done immediately?


I have a feeling if I say anything, then it will simply be turned around that DS has a new room so why am I being so "anti" DSS having the same within a week?
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needafootmassage · 13/03/2011 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theredhen · 14/03/2011 14:12

I had a talk with DP who agreed he had snapped unecessarily at DS. An admission indeed! Smile

I told him I thought it was ridiculous to hold up the building work because he and his DS are feeling a bit insecure. Why should all 7 of us be climbing over sofas in the kitchen and rubble in the front room just so DSS can have what he wants NOW? I'm quite happy for him to have a newly decorated room but only when time allows in a few weeks time.

DS had to wait 9 months having no space of his own (DSS has his own room at Mums for two thirds of his life), so why shouldn't DSS wait for a few weeks?!

I have made it quite clear that I am not going to change our plans and DSS will have to wait. I have also told DS that he is to not allow DSC to disrespect his personal space by trashing his room but not allowing/wanting him in their rooms.

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pinkbraces · 14/03/2011 16:07

Ive read many of your posts and I think you handle things very well. It does seem to me that your DS always gets the short straw. Beware he doesnt start resenting you for this, if not now then in the future.

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theredhen · 14/03/2011 20:48

I think I am learning that you have to stick up for yourself and I have to stick up for DS too. Him and I have only ever had each other to deal with and all of a sudden we are dealt a very different hand.

Neither of us are used to having to defend ourselves or be assertive in our own home and neither of us find it easy, whereas it's probably something non only children learn very early on.

It's hard enough as it is without differing standards both for DS and for DSD's against DSS who seems to be golden child a lot of the time. I can see how easy it becomes to resent the child because of the parents behaviour.

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