Worse since remarried..

[talie101]

DC's refusing to see father. Typically he thinks its me stopping them. I've tried everything possible to find out why they don't want to go and suggested ways to start up visits again, but being youngish they just can't seem to explain why. "They just don't want to go". They get upset if I ask them to tell him direct - always get me to tell him they don't want to go! I know a few reasons but don't want to point a finger at him as it will make an already fragile relationship worse and the last thing I want to do because that will do more damage to the DC's. They aren't major issues to an adult but obviously are to them. He flatly refuses to meet up with me to discuss anything, more so since he's remarried and I presume would not go down well with his wife (long story - OW and insecure). Get no joy when try to talk to her either (have suggested a meet up in the past but she won't). Have suggested he just meet with DC's and resolving direct, but also to no avail.

Been quite a while since seen father and now he's going to force them (by picking them up and manhandling them into his car I presume! I'm sure until resolved they will still refuse to go) - totally the wrong way to resolve and I foresee a lot of unneccessary tears, trauma and long term damage for everyone.

May have put this in the wrong thread and will add to others for advice too, but his relationship with me and the DC's is just getting worse instead of better since remarried and I don't have a clue what to about it.

Any suggestions?

[theredhen]

To be honest, if he refuses to communicate, i don't know what else you can do. I had similar situation with my ds and his dad a few yrs ago, but managed to talk to him. You might also want to post this in lone parents?

[prettyfly1]

I dont know what to suggest - this must be so hard for you, particularly if they wont tell you. It may sound cheesy but how old are they? When my five year old was a little younger I found getting him to explain through play helped - so I would have a mummy bear, a daddy bear and child bears all going on a picnic or something, then they have to seperate to do tasks and your child can pick who they go with - if they say mummy, ask why daddy is on his own and see if they will tell you that way. Like I said it sounds terribly cheesy but it did work.

[LaDolceRyVita]

Oh dear, this is really a sad situation.

It's always difficult for young children when they go through divorce and then one parent remarries, and I'm assuming they're only little. Prettyfly1's suggestion is a good one. If they're too little to that, is there a grandparent/aunty they can confide in? They may feel they don't want to hurt you or that you might be upset by what they have to say. It may be that they "feel" their dad and his new wife's reluctance and refusal to communicate as in someway, their fault.... like if they didn't go at all, you two wouldn't have to have anything to do with each other. Or it may be, like my son (who loves his daddy by the way) just simply feels his safeplace is home. He doesn't want to be carted off at the end of a school week once a fortnight to see his dad and new partner.

Could you get some mediation/therapy type of thing where you all sit (nicely!) and discuss these things for the GOOD OF YOUR KIDS?

Don't know the answer to this.

Good luck and in the end, you'll need to do what's right for your kids. Yes, it would be good for them to have a relationship with dad but, if it becomes SO traumatic, it's counterproductive for the time being.