Hopefully there's some advice out there to deal with this situation - to give a potted history. My partner and I have been together 10 years - 5 adult children between us ageing 20 - 28 yrs - my two girls - his two boys and girl. His girl has always been very disapproving and difficult and when we were first together didn't speak or acknowledge her father for 5 years - eventually the contact was made and he made all the apologies to enable his relationship with her to continue - I wasn't best pleased because he had done everything to make their relationship work and she didn't but he had to apologise. Since then whenever she and her boyfriend visit she is superior, frosty and I just feel she looks down her nose at me and my two girls and grandson. I am not a thickie and equally (if not more!!) as intelligent and certainly more worldly wise than her but she has this knack of making me feel like a lump of *** who knows absolutely nothing. It's funny because she also has a way of coming across terribly nice and offers help (but never does) - and a glimpse of a decent person appears for a moment. But this doesn't last and when we all sit and chat - she looks totally disinterested and bored at everything I say, basically sits there with a face like a slapped bottom. She takes over in my home and wants her Dad to do everything she wants when they visit but we have a very busy life and can't drop everything to sit around and watch silly films. Her father has recently suffered a mild heart attack so I now feel totally out on a limb as I am the bad one if I get humpy, tired and basically pee'd off with it. Seriously, I feel shattered as I also care for an elderly Mum and 7 yr old grandson too (his mum is on her own and working full-time)so I really can do without this difficult woman to deal with. Her father is too frightened and goes along with everything - he always says he wishes she was more like my girls and easy to get on with but concedes she has always been difficult even as a child. He can put my kids in their place when necessary but just cannot put her in her's!! It does seem ridiculous but I could have just walked out this weekend but too many people rely on me - my dear elderly Mum says just put up with it as they only visit once a month - easier said than done!! The icing on the cake yesterday was being told we were too old to live in a so-called trendy area - we are only in our 50's what a cheek and my DP just did a silly grin and said nothing!! She also refuses to back her Dad and I up over a a family disagreement - not our fault just a family member putting a false spin on a situation and blaming us but she just seems to want to believe bad about me without wanting to hear what really happened - so there's no loyalty either. I know some will say be assertive and I have to learn to be but it's so hard with such a manipulative person. My DP gets very angry when I say how horrible his daughter can be and when push come to shove - he will always stand her corner and not mine. I really wish she could have been the sort of stepdaughter I could go shopping with and have a laugh, she also never wants kids and thoroughly dislikes animals which seems so harsh. My DP's sons are fine although the youngest (20 yrs) is a bit spoiled and childish but is a nice kid. My daughters are more or less the same age and she has no interest in them either - they could all be such good friends but this girl will not let the barriers down and I dread dealing with her for the rest of my life - I'm way too long in the tooth to be jealous - so that's not the problem. Sorry potted history went on a bit but any comments and advice would be appreciated.
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