I understand I'm being previous, but I have a tendency to try and think things through long term before embarking on anything, just for the purposes of ruling it out really, so please bear with me.
I have a new friend who is a single father. He shares residence half and half with the mother of his children, and they have a great working relationship as far as I can tell.
They both own houses.
My children are similar ages, and I'm obviously single too. My elder child sees his father once a month (his father's choice). My younger one doesn't see his dad.
I'm not even sure whether I want to have a relationship, or get married, or any of that stuff, as I manage well on my own - but I am very, very fond of this man.
I don't know how he feels about me - probably that I'm a bit of a nuisance, a bit daft, and not his type! But we can talk really easily with one another and it's all good at the moment as friends.
I would love to become closer to him whether it's as friends or whatever, but I'm worried about how we would manage it all.
Firstly having had my child's father take up with someone else, I've a clear understanding of how the children's mother will probably feel if I become involved - ie, I really don't want to tread on anyone's toes, or try to take her place - the children are beautiful and very happy, and their parents clearly do a great job. It feels a bit odd to even think about intruding on that, in any way...I don't exactly know how the ground lies between them.
Equally, if we did begin seeing each other, I wouldn't want my children to 'push in' and start thinking of this man as their 'dad' - that might create a lot of resentment in his children, they don't need to have to share him with two other random kids.
The thing is though, if we were to get involved there would be time spent together as two families, but where do you draw the line? Would it even be possible to keep it as an adult relationship without involving the children too much? I really don't want to upset the balance there is at present - and though my children adore him and would love a proper 'dad' around, I don't think that would be fair on his children.
I am finding it hard to foresee a future where it all works wonderfully, but there is nothing I would like more than to be with him. (obviously only if he feels the same way! Which is by no means clear).
I'd appreciate any reassurance that this could work out - and how, really - or if you think it's hopeless, let me know that too.
He's far too lovely to get it wrong with, iyswim, and to have his friendship even if nothing else means the world to me.
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Making it work when there are several children involved
7 replies
EverettUlyssesMcGill · 19/02/2011 09:45
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