Drug Step Hell - help

[onlyone]

I need help. I posted this in Lone parents and got no response and believe me this is not a pop at step parents, this is genuine fear for my kids and how to protect them.

My Ex and his soon to be new partner and step to my DCs have just sunk to new lows. ( Apologies to all decent steps but this one shames all steps, women and decent human beings)

It has come to my attention that step is addicted to prescription drugs and indulges in the "odd Line" of cocaine. Those of you who ask for evidence - the pics speak for themselves!

Before any one screams at me, DCs, not being allowed out of my sight, contact done in my house and she no longer has contact. I have not said why, just acting like the EX from hell!!

DCs are my number one priority and their safety and well being.

I now wish to proceed to make sure potential step has no contact with DCs, one of which is disabled. I have no wish to stop EXH having contact as generally is a good Dad and DCs love him to bits. I know this will make new family life hard for them but personally do not give a shit as 2 under 5s and one disabled take priority in my head over everything etc.

Anyone know what I need to do next to make sure they are protected. Do I need to go to court etc etc - just do not want my DCS exposed to this. Not sure EXH is aware of the problem and its extent, she is a confabulating liar and fantasist of extreme proportions and has more hospital appointments than most OAPs and they can still find nothing wrong with her. He is obsessed with her and can not see any faults in her - ( refuses to read the evil texts she sends me, stuff in the post etc, as I am faking e mails from her address - someone tell me how to do it, please!!!)

[tallpoppies]

I'm not sure about the correct route to follow here but if she is sending you evil texts, emails and stuff in the post - plus you say you have pictures of her doing drugs - why don't you just report her to the police for both harassment and an order restricting her from seeing your children (sorry, pregnancy brain is prohibiting me from remembering the correct term for this!)

[SparkleSoiree]

I agree that your children's welfare and safety is paramount in both properties.

How have you come to know so much personal information about your EX's partner if he is unaware of the extent of the problem?

What pictures do you refer to? I have to say that your post comes across as very angry and frantic and making decisions for your children in the heat of the moment is not the best position to take. I understand the anger if drugs ARE being done in front of your children - do you have any evidence of this?

Have you discussed this calmly with your EX?

[onlyone]

Have discussed the texts and e mails in the past - he read a few and spoke to her about them and it was their opinion I was faking them! Believe me I have not got a clue how to do that.

We have discussed her need for prescription drugs in the past and he tells me they are for genuine illnesses - fine but doing lines of coke in the house is not OK - there is no excuse and I am flabbergasted that someone could even hint that if not done infront of kids it is OK. Am I supposed to jsut accept that my kids are being cared for someone half cut most of the time.

As to how do I have so much personal information about her - she was a very good friend of mine. The coke is a new step that was told to me by one of our still mutual friends who thought this was not on and took the pics - cut on the table in the lounge which the kids have access to.

Anger is huge but I had to make decisions for the safety of my kids on the fly and restricting access I think is the only way forward at the moment.

do not know what I can and can not do, hence the question to everyone if they know from either aspect, step, resident parent etc. This was not a pop at steps - this is genuine fear and anger and not knowing where to turn.

[SecondMrsS]

So is she doing cocaine in front of the children?

i don't know if you can stop the children from seeing the step but still have them see their dad... From what i understand, if he has equal rights to you over the children then it is up to him who they see when they are with him. If you don't feel he is making a good judgement there then your issue is with his parenting and you would need to set about getting a court order that he can't have the children.

Does she look after the kids when he isn't there?

Are you sure her drug problems are hurting the children? That may seem like a stupid question but if you are not familiar with people who take drugs recreationally you may see it in a very different light. For instance my mother, bless her heart, has never laid eyes on a drug and sees them as the work of the devil. In her eyes if any parent took a line of coke, even if their kids were 200 miles away, she would be thinking the kids should be in care.

I have quite a few friends who will often have coke at parties but would never dream of having it anywhere near their kids. They are wonderful parents.

i do understand your concerns but I'm just trying to understand what is happening here.

I agree the nasty texts and emails etc are terrible but I'm afriad they arent enough to get a ban from her seeing your children.

[onlyone]

As far as I am aware she does not do it infront of kids - 4 and 2 not exactly reliable historians and have not asked them to be fair to them.

Yes she does look after DCs when they are with their Dad. It would be unrealistic to expect him to be there 24/7 for the three days per week they are with them, practicalities of life etc, work etc.

I have obviously led a rather closeted life that people think it is OK to look after their kids whilst under the influence or drugs. I do not want my kids exposed to drugs at such a vulnerable age - so what people are saying is - I have to suck it and that is tough.

Is a court really going to say that it is OK for two kids to go to a house where drugs are present and used on a regular basis and that it is safe?

[SecondMrsS]

No no, I don't think it's ok to look after children whilst under the influence of drugs. I was just questioning when she takes drugs. if there are photos of her having aline of coke on a friday night and then she is staying over at a friends house and returning home the next day to her house where the children are... that wouldnt concern me. I know parents who do this and it has no affect on their kids.

I don't think a court would allow the children in a ouse where drugs are present, but to acheive that ruling you would have to involve your ex and you said at the beginning you didn't want to stop him seeing them, just his partner.

To get this sorted legally you will have to drag your ex through the mud. If there really are drugs being used in the house when the kids are there, and this woman is under the influence of drugs when caring for your children then you absolutely have the right to stop them going there. But I'm pretty sure that you wont be able to get this ruled over her without the dad being denied access as well. As I said, if he is deemed a responsible parent then that covers who he chooses as his partner.

[SecondMrsS]

I would be absolutely agast if she was doing cocaine in front of the children. I mean, god knows it happens sadly, I'm not naive enough to think it doesnt and anyone who does this doesnt deserve to have children int heir life. But if your ex is the good dad you say he is, I really don't think he would let this happen - would he?

[nenevomito]

I think you would need to go and see a solicitor and make enquiries about stopping the children from having contact with her based on the evidence that you have.

[SecondMrsS]

I personally think you need to find out what is really going on before going to court. This woman's life will be destroyed if the spotlight is turned on her which i don't think is fair if she is using cocaine recreationally and away from your children.

I know you don't like her and probably don't care but it's her life in question.

If she is neglecting your children then it is your partners fault for allowing her to. She has no legal responsibility to your children, he does.

[SparkleSoiree]

If you have a Contact Order in place I don't believe you are entitled to vary it without the permission of the court explaining why you wish to do so. If there is no contact in place and you decide to stop contact then it would be down to your EX to apply to the court for contact.

If you plan on stopping access then you should discuss this with your EX prior to doing so to allow him to address this situation.

I have to say that whilst the shout of 'drugs' makes people suddenly be concerned about the children's best interests it is a very serious allegation to make against somebody. Your conduct and how this information was garnished will also be taken into account to ensure its accuracy.

Am I correct in understanding that you are friends with somebody who is STILL friends with your EX's new partner and said friend is passing you information without this woman's knowledge - whilst still being friends with her? The new partner used to be a very good friend of yours..?

I think you are absolutely right to be cautious on behalf of your children, anybody would be, but be very careful in ensuring your information is 100% genuine and is affecting the welfare of the children. How do you know when said pictures were taken? How do you know the 'lines' belong to your EX's new partner? Was she in the pictures in front of the cocaine allowing herself to be photographed?

[nenevomito]

From the way I read it there is no proof that she is doing coke anywhere near the children.

This friend who took the photo - was it when the children were around?

[whoisshe67]

onlyone - couldn't help but noticing that in your original thread in Lone Parents, you refer to your DP's partner as "step bitch". And you wonder why you got no response?

the SP's on this site work really hard to ensure they do not use terms which may cause offence to birth parents, even to the point of not using the term "birth parent" or step child as it upsets some people.

You must be pleased though that you got a response from the step bitches in this thread.

[SecondMrsS]

We do have our uses, us step bitches!

[nenevomito]

Sorry SMS I've reported you. We've only just got over a row between a LP and the SP posters, so it would be good not to have another one!

[onlyone]

I lurk in this forum for help frequently. Have seen threads where steps have had step kids removed from BM for their safety and thought it was a good idea and may get a better idea from people who have been there done that. Once again god help anyone on this forum who dares say a step is bad.

The pics are of her snorting coke on the coffee table in their house with a Thomas the Tank Engine annual, dated at a time when my kids were there. The remainder is heresay but have been surprised how many people in our circle of friends knew about it.

Allowed to be angry now?

As to why she is the step bitch - like many of you say about the Ex- reasons too numerous to mention - including her texts e mails, turning up at my house screaming abuse at me, telling the DCS I am xxxxxxx cxxx - not normal words for a 4 yr old, telling me they plan to take DC1 away from me and leave me with disabled DC as it would be better and they would not have to be seen with DC. Have seen Ex wives called far worse than that on this forum.

Ex knows why they are not coming round until he addresses the issue with her and accepts that, he looked shocked, was at work at the time of the photo - he has to address the issue with her first - coward will not.

thanks to those who offered constructive advice - have phoned a solicitor and will see them on Friday.

[onlyone]

Will let you know what happens.

Not sure what comments of mine you dislike - I thanked those who have offered advice and defended why I called this woman what I did after being attacked.

thanks babyheave

[CinnabarRed]

OnlyOne - at a time when your kids were physically in her house and her sole responsibility? Or when they were for example asleep with your XH also present (and sober so able to take responsibility should anything have happened to them) or out with your XH?

[CinnabarRed]

Should add that if the former then YANBU, but if the latter then I don't think it's enough to stop contact with your XH (no matter how unpalatable that is).

I just think there is a difference between an adult with sole responsibility for children taking coke (whether the children are asleep at the time or not) and an adult who happens to be in the same house at the same time as the kids taking coke away from their presence when the children's father is present to take responsibility for them.