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Nursery not helping? Very worried about school :-/

(7 Posts)
annalooby Fri 28-Feb-14 14:50:08

Hi all - this is my first post :-/ I have got to the stage where I don't know what to do for the best for my son and wonder if anyone might have dealt with similar.

My son has just turned 4 and basically he struggles with social interaction with other children. He has had speech and language input for expressive language disorder (think that was the label?!) since he was about 2 but has now been discharged as he has made excellent progress. He started hitting and biting other children at nursery probably through frustration at not being understood and though his speech has improved no end he still retains this problem. He has an older sister with whom he can play nicely but he does tend to take the lead and she let's him most of the time. He hates loosing and will lash out - hits, scratches, bites. Although we have seen a great improvement over the last year (with lots of work) when he is at nursery he regularly looses it and cannot cope. His anxiety levels go through the roof when other children are nearby. Despite having funding for one-to-one the nursery seem to not know what to do when he gets angry and I think they are scared of him. He has been seen by the Autism team who say he may be on the spectrum but not to any great extent and feel that the nursery should not allow him to get so upset that he lashes out. I am now petrified of his imminent start at school in September as if he can't cope with a classroom situation with one to one help at nursery the thought of reception with max two teachers and 30 kids brings me out in a cold sweat. He is very intelligent with quite scarily good problem solving skills and is very affectionate to me, my husband and sometimes to his sister :-) Sorry that was a bit of a waffle but I needed to speak to someone who may know how I feel. Thanks x

ConstantCraving Fri 28-Feb-14 21:16:19

Hi Anna, if he's only just turned 4 could you delay his start to school until next Sept 2015? I've just been advised to do this for my DD who has an October birthday - legally they don't have to go to school til the September after they turn 5. For us it means an extra year developing social skills and communication in the nursery environment and skipping chaotic reception and then going straight into the more structured year 1. If your son is very intelligent this might be an option? My DD doesn't have a diagnosis yet (waiting list is a year), but specialist (private) observation has indicated she has ASD. We are lucky that her nursery is very good and supportive to her - its a Montessori, and the specialist worker who observed DD gave them some ideas on how to help her. Like you I was dreading September and feel like a weight has been lifted now.

annalooby Sat 01-Mar-14 10:47:52

Hi! We were wondering about deferring but we're advised that as his birthday is in January we should apply for admission this year and we did - we are hoping to put him in part time to begin with in hope that the shorter days might be better for him but have to wait until the offer comes through (april) and discuss with the head teacher. I don't really know if we'd be able to defer now? The problem we have is that nursery just doesn't seem to work for him - he is clearly bored and the free-play system they work by is awful for him - even with recommendations from specialists that he needs more structure they seem reluctant to do this. We have looked at other nurseries nearby and they seem to have similar models. The Autistic team have been the most helpful as they seem to look at things from the point of view of helping him and not that he is the problem but I've been shocked by the response from early years advisers who just seem to want to paint him as a bad child - it really is heartbreaking.

LIZS Sat 01-Mar-14 10:51:19

You would have the option to start in January or April 2015 and still keep the place. Also could apply for a statement so he can possibly get some extra support in the classroom, even without a diagnosis. Does he see a SALT ?

annalooby Sat 01-Mar-14 12:00:28

Waiting until April would be best I think - should I discuss that with the school once a place is offered? Confused.com!! I don't know whether to take him out of nursery in the meantime (although I do work - I don't absolutely have to so am lucky in that I have that option) but I think keeping him away will only delay the problem - or will it? I have been told so many things by different 'professionals' - some say send him to school sooner rather than later as it will be more structured than nursery but then others say defer, some say he needs to be around other children to get used to it but then others say it has no benefit if it isn't positive interaction. I have absolutely no experience of asd so any advice from other parents is greatly appreciated :-)

annalooby Sat 01-Mar-14 12:03:20

Oh and yes he has seen SALT but they have all but discharged him now. X

Geneticsbunny Wed 05-Mar-14 13:52:02

I would definitely look into getting a statement. Ask the nursery and any other professionals involved with your son and they should be able to advise you about whether or not it is a good idea.

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