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Feeling not proud of myself.

(5 Posts)
sunnyweatherplease Tue 25-Feb-14 21:07:17

Am struggling with dd's defiance at the moment. I am very un proud to say I have just lost my temper and let rip at her. I know this is no help whatsoever, and is the last thing I should have done. I feel truly awful. I really yelled at her and shouted how fed up I was at her behaviour. The thing is I really don't think she can help it. I want to cry. She had a major blow out last night too, when I managed to stay calm, but tonight I just cracked. I scared myself, let alone dd. I can't say how horrid I feel now and fear I am an 'abuser'. God only hopes she is ok. She is only 8. Don't really know what anyone can say, but I don't have anyone to talk to really, so am 'talking' here. Feeling v v v v bad mummy.

PolterGoose Wed 26-Feb-14 07:19:30

(((hugs)))

We all lose it sometimes, it can be a reminder to re-think your strategies and work out what's going on and what needs to change. I now make myself stay utterly calm when ds is losing it, and it's a lot easier to just ride out the meltdowns and extreme stuff. It sounds like you need to think through what might help? What strategies are you using and what do you need to deal with right now?

streakybacon Wed 26-Feb-14 08:45:41

I don't think it hurts to let children know that we all have a breaking point. You may be right that she can't help her behaviour at the moment, but unless she comes to understand the impact it has on other people she won't be motivated to change it.

Whenever I lost it with my son I'd always apologise afterwards for my lack of control and explain that it's difficult to maintain at times. In time he did realise the part he played in this and he worked on improving his behaviour. He's quite lovely now, teenage hormones aside wink.

Don't beat yourself up though. None of us is perfect and you'll learn from every one of these episodes. Onwards and upwards.

cardboardcactus Sat 01-Mar-14 23:20:00

Don't beat yourself up- really. Be kind to yourself. We all lose it at times. And as my son is so explosive I really want to model better ways of dealing with things but I certainly don't manage to all the time. I had an interesting moment with my DS regarding this lately. I had bought, on polter's recommendation, the book 'what to do when your temper flares' for DS. We got through a couple of pages and he complained about hating it etc and flounced off. Later during a rare mellow moment I asked him if my asking him to read the book with me made him feel criticized and he said yes. So I pointed out that I sometimes lose my temper too- he agreed! So I said that I too need to read the book to help myself not lose my temper, just as much as he did. So he changed his mind and said we could do it together! it was a strangely helpful conversation -admitting my own failings to him, so that he felt more open to helping himself too. This may or not be helpful, but thought I'd share. Good luck with things.

StarlightMcKingsThree Sun 02-Mar-14 21:57:38

Wow Cactus.

And inspiring story.

OP you coukdn't help your behaviour either. It doesn't excuse it but if you use the experience to figure out what happened and working on preventing it and how you will react next time then that is enough.

We can't judge ourselves against typical families or typical parents. They just aren't pushed to the lengths we are. If this becomes a repeating pattern you will need to seek help but for the now try hard to forgive yourself. Your dd needs you to.

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