Just had to deal with hideous hour-long public meltdown from ds :-(

[dustyFIREstarTER]

The title says it all really

He kicked off when i picked him up from school because he misunderstood his teacher and thought she said tonight was firework night. Cue him running off screaming that she was a liar. He then spent the next 20 mins running around the school in a rage whilst me and his 2 teachers tried to calm him down.

I arranged for a friend to collect dd from her school and went to collect her. When I got out of the car I told him to wait but he got out too and just wouldn't get back in. He's only 7 but he's bloody strong and he was kicking and hitting out at me and dd. After 5 mins my friend said dd could stay with her and she would drop her later.

I had to restrain him as he was kicking and hitting and headbutting me. We ended up sat on the pavement outside her house with me restraining him and him screaming his head off. This went on for 1/2 hour - i'm amazed no-one called the police.

I am now completely drained. I can't even cry about it anymore- just feel empty

[yurt1]

Much sympathy. I hate being the local public entertainment. I find pouring myself a drink when its all calmed down helps.....

[pagwatch]

oh poor you !!
Not a thing to say in support except that i know exctly how you feel. But that does not matter at the moment does it.

Poor boy. So upset and so frustrated. And poor poor you.
Let him have some space to chill and just be as kind as you can to yourself this evening.
It is so hard to deal with .

My only consolation when DS does this is that he tires himself out. Perhaps a bath and a glass of wine later ( for you not him }

xxx

[dustyFIREstarTER]

He is calm now. He was still furious with himself when we got back home and started headbutting the dorr and hitting himself In the car on the way home he said he wants to kill himself becuase he is a bloody idiot (his words not mine) and he is going to hit himself on the head with a brick.

[dustyFIREstarTER]

I have rung dh with my wine order already

[needmorecoffee]

[sasquatch]

oh sorry you have had this today,
what can i say but i know it is horrible for you and your ds when it kicks off, and afterwards you both can feel so drained.
Enjoy your wine!

[ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG]

Sympathetic hugs for Dusty.

Can I ask a queston? My best friend's four year old behaves exaxctly like this reguarly. Worse with his parents, but can do it for anyone he knows well. Friend has been seeking help for a while and now has her DS has been assessed and he and BF see a counsellor at a family centre once a month.

Her DS is bright and he articulate.

Do you folks (who know about these things) think there is a diagnosis to be had? What are these meltdowns?

I have a DS with severe SN (as many of you know) but I don't know much about these meltdowns when they seems to stand along with no obvious other SNs. Sorry for asking on your thread Dusty. I just know that my friend suffers a lot with these public meltdowns because something is not as DS wants (he is not spoilt).

[dustyFIREstarTER]

I'm not sure where they come from with NT children. I guess it can be any number of things. DS has SN and I am sure he is on the autistic spectrum. I also think he may have ADHD and am going to speak to the paed about ritalin when we see him in 2 weeks. I've struggled for three years now and had varying success with a variety of strategies but at the moment he is so hyper and tense that nothing seems to be helping.

I do have a program that the paed gave me 3 years ago to use with ds. We used to use it and it worked well at the time. i can email you a copy of it if you like.

[GrapefruitMoon]

Shiny, my ds1 was also prone to these types of meltdowns (he's NT - as far as I know). He has improved a lot in the last couple of years (he's 6). he still has mini versions, when as you say, things don't go his way, but they are not as horrendous. (I still cringe when I remember some of them...)

So far I have put it down to his character (my 2 other dcs are not like this so I'm assuming it's not my parenting technique at fault!). As he matures it seems to be easier to reason with him or use threats/bribes.

Dh thinks he takes after MIL

[ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG]

Thank you, that would be great. I do wonder a lot about ADHD and friend's child and she does too. Shall I CAT you? Does it work with our temp names?

[dustyFIREstarTER]

You can CAT me or email me at [email protected]

[dustyFIREstarTER]

The program is designed for use with children with ADHD but worked equally well with dd who is NT.

[FlameFromBonfire]

Oh dusty

[ahundredtimes]

I had this with ds2 this afternoon.

I think it's Friday, and after half term, and he's kept it together for the week. He appeared very pale at the school gate, came over, kicked me, threw his bag under a passing car and screamed because ds1 has chess club, and I hadn't told him, he hadn't remembered and he'd waited for ds1, who'd reminded him and told him to walk down and meet me.

He sat in the back of the car kicking my seat, verbally downloading at a very loud pitch. I put on music, and eventually he calmed himself down, this doesn't always work though.



I hate the tuts and the 'ooohs' at the gate, and I also hate myself for desperately just trying to get him in the car before it reaches the levels I know it can reach.

[dustyFIREstarTER]

It sucks doesn't it

[ahundredtimes]

Yep.

And sometimes I find myself saying, 'well you're here now' or something reasonable and then I remember NOT TO ENGAGE, because he can really, really go on and on in this bizarre hyper-articulate sort of way, and anything I say adds fuel to the fire.

It's horrid. I'm never quite sure how to deal with it. Except to get him home, put on some music, and let him take his clothes off.

[dustyFIREstarTER]

lol at taking his clothes off - ds likes to do that too

[ahundredtimes]

Duty - we need to find them a place where everything is black and white (literally as well as metaphorically) and where you can wear your pjs in class, and if it is NOT bonfire night or if your brother has the temerity to go to chess club on a friday night and you have not been reminded of this fact - then there is a room where you can go and shout in your pjs before you come out of school.

Is that possible do you think?

[dustyFIREstarTER]

That would be great.

In fairness to ds school have a pastoral room with a soft area and his teacher said to him he could go there to calm down if he wanted. He did go there eventually but played up and then ran out again. Still at least they tried

[pagwatch]

When DS2 is freaking out I just have to constantly reassure him that I 'get' that he is cross. So I stand there like a lemon saying " * is very cross. You are very sad. You wanted x. You are upset".
It does work though. - once he really is sure that \I understand how upset he is.
If I can't convince him he pinches the crap out of me ( and then kisses it better)

[pagwatch]

Soemtimes he wants DD to comfort him and it breaks my heart.
I am not sure if it is the sight of 11 year old DS sitting in front of tiny 5 year old DD and saying " Baby * I am sad. I am crying"
Or the fact that she rubs him and does exactly what he wants... " poor ** is very sad and crying. Poor you. Its OK "

5 years old and she handles it like a pro

[ahundredtimes]

Yes I do that pagwatch. And it does work, unless we're at the pitch - which we weren't today, today I said, jumping in my kicked seat all the time, 'you didn't know ds1 had chess. That's made you cross'

and dd piped up, her fingers in her ears, 'He KNOWS that' (which made me laugh actually, but fleetingly)

but if we'd gone to the really really hysterical phase then anything I say, do, or reply makes him angrier. Or that's what it seems like. Perhaps I don't do it enough, or consistently enough? I'm going to try.

[pagwatch]

oh different things work for different kids
100x . What works for my DS may not help yours at all - so I am sure it is not anything to do withhow you implemented it. And my DS is at a special school which only deals with autism so they absoloutely get the no surprises thing. And if he is having a tough time he can soft play for a while before home.

The talking thing has only helped him consistently for the last year or so.

My DD also says " mummy - don't you remember he is autistic" if I ever try and tell him off

[ahundredtimes]

Sorry Dusty, I rather jumped in here didn't I.

Quite a relief to say all that though.

Was he calmed down by the time you got home?

[ahundredtimes]

No, I know what you mean pagwatch. I think though that I forget what to do sometimes, and flounder. Even if it doesn't work, and sometimes silence seems the best option, at least it gives me something to 'do' ifyswim.