Anyone else 'making it all up'?

[needmorecoffee]

My 15 yo (who doesn't live with us) accused me of making it all upwith regards to dd's CP and ds's Aspergers. She claims MIL (who she lives with) says I have Munchausens. Apparently I'm making up my MS too.
Felt very hurt but now feel angry at the poison of MIL and ex-friends who think this is all a fake. Alaos puzzled as to how one fakes a totally immobile 3 year old, seziures plus MRI with big holes in and abnormal EEG's. I know I'm a genius but ffs.
The ASD thing is usual, I bet there's many told they were attention seeking when they say their child has ASD.
DD also said I shouldn't take dd2 out as I'm being 'in your face' about disability and that is shameful.
POsting this cos (a) I'm attention seeking (naturally) and (b) Just what do you say once the hurt has died down?
I know she doesn't really think her sister doesn't have CP but that she doesn't care. Not once when dd was in hospital recently did MIL and dd1 call to see if she was even still alive let alone how we felt facing Lennox-gastaut syndrome and she never asks about her. But telling me I don't have MS has just floored me. I but 900 quid wheelchairs because I like throwing money aound? I walk with a stick because I enjoy being called 'spazz' in the street?
But thats me, attentionseeking again.
Feeling very hurt.

[wb]

At the risk of sounding judgemental:

Your MIL sounds like a vile person. If this is really what she is saying (I add the if cause things can be misreported by angry teenagers) then I don't think there is any point arguing/reasoning w. her cause if the available evidence isn't going to convince her, nothing you say will. I guess all you can do about her is to have as little contact as possible (difficult if your daughter is living w. her but maybe you could communicate through a third party?). Do you think she would say things like this, though (is it in character)?

As for your daughter, she sounds like she has all sorts of negative emotions around family/disability issues and is lashing out. Not surprised you are feeling hurt (if there is anybody who can be nastier and more self-centred than an angry teenager to their mum then I don't want to meet them). If its any consolation one day she will be very ashamed of herself and regret what she has said. In the meantime, I'm not sure there is much point in arguing with her or trying to 'prove' the existence of things that patently exist. I'm sure she knows deep down that the things she is saying aren't true and is just trying to hurt and provoke you. Just try to stay as calm and reasonable as you can with her and don't be deflected from doing what is right for your other daughter.

[mamadadawahwah]

yes, if you know the truth, there is no point in convincing this "person".

by the way munchhausens, has been proven to be a load of crap. Although they still try to use it in the family courts as a label.

[needmorecoffee]

Mama, got any info about munchausens being crap? When ds was dx with aspergers I did wonder if I was imaginng it all. but what 'normal' 7 tyo's hide under tables, cover their ears, refuse to go out, react to sound, smeels the endless list of weirdness etc
MIL hates disability. She was the one who said we should get dd adopted and have a 'proper' baby. You're probably right that arguing with dd1 is pointless because she also told me that disagreeing with child is 'emotional abuse'. Sigh.
In a way I'm glad its not ME. People with ME get avery tough time from the 'doubters'

[wb]

Probably should add...

I answered your thread cause your daughter reminded me of me at the same age. I was very, very nasty to my mum- inexcusable, but it was part of my coping (non-coping) mechanism at the time. In the end we repaired our relationship when I: grew up, realised that life isn't always fair, not everybody gets to live happily ever after and that parents can't always fix everything.

Our family probs were around my brother (but not special needs related) and I did love him even though I said I hated him and pretended not to care.

Obviously, your daughter may be totally different but your discription of her really struck a chord w. me

[jessy1971]

hi i was accused of makin up my sons problems for 10 years in the an assment was done and it was proven that my son did have asbergers symdrome sorry about the spellin